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Why Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Find Healthy Relationships Boring



#relationships #selflove #lifecoach #codependencyrecovery
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35 Comments

  • Kathy Pyers

    This explains why the narcissist description doesn't quite fit my situation. The guy I'm seeing wants me to be a 'stronger' personality. His father and mine were narcissists. I'm co dependent and I think when we're together he's pushed into the narcissist role, and he does but he fits the codependent role. I was always confused about that. Now it makes sense.

  • M R

    A large part of why pathological people are so 'alluring' is because of the hooking love-bombing stage. During that, they relentlessly try to figure out your weak spots, and try to enter. If you're unaware of this game, they do enter, and they deluge you with dream courtship. There is NO sincere dream suitor, understand this and protect yourself.

  • Meghan

    They say that the abuse cycle affects the brain like a drug. You go through withdrawals, and you will feel the need to cause drama to fill the void. You need be aware as to not fall into this trap.

    When I first moved to Japan from Canada, I lived in my first apartment alone. The silence there was eerie. I had to have something on as background noise in order to adjust to life without any drama.

  • James Cole

    I feel absolute trust shouldn’t be over-emphasized in a relationship, smartness is also very important. There’s a popular saying that “don’t trust too much because that too much might hurt you so much”. A Narcissist partner is not to be trusted. My journey of being a Narcissist victim came to limelight after discovering my wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cellphone and i was able to read all her messages and uncover her infidelity without having to touch her phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp and text messages both deleted and incoming ones with a remote link on my phone. Contact him, he’s a genius. ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) thank me later.

  • Nastya Kaluzhnaya

    It was very sad to hear the story of this girl. All the stuff mentioned by Michele take a place. All children of narcissistic parents have a tendency to get into relationships with toxic people. But there are also children of narcissistic parents who have a pathological addiction to narcissists and feel alive only with them. They get bored and even abusive with normal people. These are the people who could become narcissists themselves but the development of their narcissism was overwhelmed by their parents. So they grew up not a victim, not a narcissist and not a normal person. They wind up seeking for someone who'd "tame" them and sometimes never find out what's wrong with them.

    But professionals divide people only for abusers, for victims and for normal people. Nobody shares that there are people who don't fit into any of that group. And if a therapist thinks it is possible to cure them by removing the programs from the subconscious level it won't work. All the techniques working for victims won't work because all of them are against the narcissistic behavior. And if a person has a narcissistic part of her identity that was built for survival but didn't grow into NPD, this part will reject or deny all the therapy. Because this is a death for the identity. They developed a narcissist part for survival, to be able to predict and please their abusive parent. And then there is someone who is trying to kill it. And there will be nothing left, only the victim part that has no resourses for surviving. The resourses that were brought by the narcissistic part before – by running for the narsissist and pleasing him. These people need a different therapy. I am afraid there are many of them but when they come to the specialist they're mistakenly taken as a victim of narcissistic parent and a narcissistic partner and try to affect on them the methods written for victims.

    All the victims want to be happy, they ask for help and they're able to get of their destructive patters and be happy.

    Those people want and ask but they just can't. Because they have a broken personality that can't become fully healthy. They can get some relief but they will never be what normal people are.

    Some of them are more conscious like the author of the letter. Some less. I've seen 1 like that and she has no results from therapy. 20 psychologists called her "living in denial" or "not very clever". That has nothing to do with just denial or intelligence. Her "denial" of the reality is too huge for a normal victim of a narcissist. This is an emotional disability – exactly what all narcissists have and what her narcissist part has.

  • R N

    I would not say boring I think it suits false modesty, I think this may take it even a step further inside consciousness of self knowledge and understanding (rabbit hole outcomes), you probably do not think you are worthy, or good enough, or even set yourself up to be unlovable ! The hard truth is, it is a setup, not a questionnaire or reward systematic cherry pie, but it's a false set of disbeliefs towards yourself, in the end guess what fits the bill, we do not take care of ourselves conscious or not the Narcissist will. Towards the letter there are lots of Alpha males out there that are simply ingrained with positiveness. To be precise a Narcissist isn't an Alpha, since his male hood immatureness is that one of a toddler. Real Alpha's exist fully matured, gladly and likeable, just don't fall for the Conn artists. We all must emotionally mature, and you really do not need a cluster B experience to be just another transactional statistics in the outcome of blatant relationary misery.

  • Jan's Reviews

    I am so glad I found you!! I have binge watched your channel today and am kinda relieved that you have given me strategies to deal with my narcissistic first born. I have had over twenty years of abuse from her but only recently recognized it. She has broken my heart so many times and is still doing so. Over the years she has witheld my grandchildren from me, constantly insulted me and made it impossible for me to build any kind of relationship with my grandchildren. Nowadays she blames me for everything! Says I'm a bad mother/grandmother and has even told her kids how bad I am. She has consistently belittled me to the point that I truly believe that she can't possibly love me. Thank you so much for your channel.

  • sunshine

    I had enough pain and I finally got out of Nmarriage and have now been married 27 years to good ole stable guy. Of course I have 2N adult children I cant change but have to distance myself and love them from afar because it is too much drama.

  • Annie

    It's off topic, but I need to tell someone who might understand. In my early 20's ,I lost many jobs due to chronic illness, and wound up living with my parents. My stepfather humiliated me, hit me hard enough to black out.(Secretly) He often bothered me until I cuddled with him. This time he slid his hand up my shirt, under my bra.** I can draw a map of where his hand went under my bra. But I CAN NOT to this day say for certain that he did it on purpose…
    .It's LITERALLY INCONCEIVABLE that a high functioning, beloved man would need anything underneath his fat, incompetent, crazy stepdaughter's bra. I asked a therapist, who said, " I don't know the man.What do you think he meant?" FYI: I heard him tell my mother the next day "get your freeloading daughter out of my house!" She asked me to leave the next morning. I knew he could kill me and get away with it. He's that smart, and mom would believe anything he said.

  • Monica Martinez

    Hi Michele. I would love if you can comment abut why my narcissist ex husband won’t live me alone after two years of not contact but he still always find a way to get to me I never respond in any way to him but he won’t stop trying and even trying ways to get to personally even when I have my protective order
    Why ???

  • Deborah Parker

    I so wish I would have had all this wealth of information years and years a go. It actually took my mom passing a way to even get where I am now unfortunately I now have to sit back and watch my grown son be manipulated and watch my grandkids be emotionally abused. As I just found out just two years a go about narcissism I hadn't even heard of it before the behavior of someone my son was seeing while him and his now wife were separated. This other girls behavior was so I can't even begin to tell you. The lies and I could see right threw them I warned my son telling him son it's a lie watch it won't happen I was right every time. That when I started googling some of her behavior and ohh my goodness I was In complete shock after just reading a paragraph I knew that's what was going on. I felt awful for my son because he would believe her. Soon after me coming to grips with this my son and his wife now got back together they have a 7 year old daughter and had been a part for almost a year she finally won him over to finally marry her after trapping him with there daughter telling my son she was taking the pill my son is a stand up guy and did the right thing. If it wasnt for the girl he was seeing while they were separated I probably to this day not know that she is also a narcissist but she is a covert narcissist. Because of all the information I had acquired his wife my daughter inlaw the mother of my grand kids is a narcissist in every since of the word. I'm watching my son change in front of my very eyes and can't do a thing about it I have never felt so helpless. He is a grown man that loves his children very much. My tounge hurts from biting it so much… when they got back together and she talked him in to marriage a week later in one weeks time she lost her job wrecked my son's car that he was still paying on driving drunk driving two blocks and wrecks it going through a chain link fence in a ditch with my granddaughter in the car, and tells my granddaughter not to tell her dad he finds out when my other son sees the car and comes in say WTF happen to your car as she is passed out in the bed next to my son who's laying there watching foot ball game. Car was a total loss. So losses her job, wrecks his car could had killed his daughter then tells him she's pregnant. Dear lord!!! This girl is taking him down in a slow death. He has a very good job she is slowly dismantling his life. It's breaking my heart.

  • Dave K

    I want a relationship but for that to work I need a sane woman. I know this. But then I find sane women boring. Sexually, the weirdos are more stimulating, if thats the correct term. For me, for a relationship to work, I need that level of stimulation.
    But a sane woman will not give me that. She will bore me to tears and its not her fault.
    Thanks for raising me, narcissistic father.
    The woman I can have a child with wont stimulate me enough and the woman who stimulates me is unable to have a future with.
    And I do want a child.
    I do love myself but I hate my life and how things are sometimes. I know something is wrong with me and that is also the reason I attract weirdos.
    My best friend is a narc, most of my exes were either narc or BPD.
    I suspect my brothers GF to be a narc, his boss 100% is a narc.
    There is no coincidence

  • Nabeel Khan

    The reason why normal relationships seem boring to people who are abused by narcissists is the drama, excitement and the rollercoaster ride that is present in any relationship where there is a narcissist, but which is always followed by abuse

  • Мαރރ ƤįζζΆ

    Nice matrix pic and repeating to overcome ur negative subconscious. Stay thinking positive and not even entertaining an argument in ur head with negatives,..for ur wonderfull loving imagination is Jesus Christ and creates the positive reality outwards, leaving the overcome world of death behind. An example is leaving reptilians, their bird/grey counterparts& draconians, aka demons/artificial intelligence aka narcissism to non existence. Now I just used that as an example so u can understand. Meaning if ur truly an Awakened individual you know u must have experienced negatives before but that is never ur identity. Anything parasitic in nature must be a secondary creation to the real power which we call God.

  • Shelby Thorne

    Hi Michele, I love your video's. I am reaching out because I was raised by 2 narcissistic parents, and have never known a genuine friend/boyfriend/or work associate EVER. I've learned to go no contact, but doing so has left me completely isolated for the past 11 years. During this time I: 1. went back to college and earned a BS in Bus. Admin. 2. quit smoking cigarettes 3. Obtained certification in Special Effects MU 4. Obtained my Real Estate license 5. Run 1/2 marathon etc. etc. etc. I keep tying to channel my energy into positive things and yet I haven't made 1 genuine friend. 11 years later and still nothing. Please help.

  • Sara Garofalo

    I love everything about this video. The letter at the end made finally sense to me and my life..something that I couldn't figure out before.
    I am committed at breaking the cycle cause I am tired of attracting narcissists in my life.

  • treehamallama

    Why would you say that made you feel like reaching through to strangle her. That is violent language and why would you ever make a joke about doing that to someone who is innocent. Speaking as though she's at fault by thinking she does not want to date someone boring, that does not mean she wants to date an abuser either. That was a really harsh thing you said

  • Leona Hawkins

    Thank you Michelle, this video has helped me better understand myself. I can see that I have been attracted to men who unconsciously attracted me because something reminded me of my powerful and distant father. I can see that I continued to seek the same approval, from the same type of man, that I did as a child.

  • The Dark Byronic Hero

    This video really struck a cord with me I was by a narracistic mother and I was passed around like a battery to other narracists tons of them, I received mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse daily and worse, anyway I was taught that I would always be cheated on and settled for and I'd have to accept abuse cruel evil women as my partners if were to go down the dating, sex and or marriage path, it's not that I find narracistic people attractive, I don't and I actually find them boring it's just I feel a part of me is missing without the abuse as though after I can function better after said abuse, I also feel that I'm never going to attract women in really want just bad ones who will destroy what's left of me, so I have avoided sex, dating and marriage to not get hurt by people like them, if that makes sense?, I was also called ugly by so many narracists that I can't look in mirrors or find myself attractive and find it hard to take care of myself I also feel like maybe they were right maybe I'm ugly as filth maybe I should stay single, I want to stop feeling this way and thinking this way, anyone going through or been through what I'm going through, doe's anyone have any advice that could help me?

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