narcissist videos

Why Can’t You Heal From Codependency (Trauma And Anxiety Processing And Demonstration On Myself)

WEBSITE: My name is Dana. This channel was created because I had a strong desire to help people who have experienced narcissistic abuse and trauma in general heal and find self love.

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  • sros6

    I heard a saying the other day that ''perfectionism is counter productive''. Which hit me because I think I always thought that i had to be perfect to get the best results but with all the anxiety and hesitation and procrastination trying to get something perfect I never actually did anything at all. So in effect doing something really badly would have been even better than my attempt at doing something perfect because at least I would have done something! So my advice would be to flip it on its head and say i am going to go to my boyfriends house and do something totally silly and embarrassing to get all the anxiety out of the way at the start. And then you cant help but get better after that. Like walk in but leave a big smear of peanut butter on your top and let them discover it or knock over a glass of wine ( accidentally on purpose ) and let whatever reaction happens happen and then you'll be fine after that.

  • Ms Brown

    You may find this weird because I don't know you but I just need to tell you I love you for you. I really understand how you feel thank you for sharing this video. You are beautiful inside and out. God bless

  • outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera

    I'm scared of watching this. the videos I've seen so far have been truly breathtaking in terms of accuracy, the way you understand things the same way I do is spooky .. so… having done EMDR for CPDST and developed excellent gut instinct and excellent boundaries- not brick walls lol- I don't want to think there's no cure for this devastating disorder. I don't want to agree with that!

  • outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera

    I've watched it now. even though I was scared. and I can tell you that I HAVE healed.
    this is what it took:
    many years in al anon and 14 in AA developing a belief in a higher power;
    7 years of therapy twice a week
    group therapy which showed me I had CPDST
    it all took more than 20 years. if I had known I had CPDST and known about EMDR 20 years ago I would have healed 30 years ago.
    if I had known about EMDR etc in 198 I would never have married a narc but he was really just an external manifestation of my own core beliefs.
    you are a beautiful young woman and very intelligent. self acceptance is the only important thing her, plus (for me) faith in God. without those things I would still be turning myself inside out trying to please an abusive exploitative predator because that's what I was groomed for.
    you might be surprised to know that you have a place in this world exactly how you ate exactly who you are. I think your videos are tsome of he most intelligent ones I've watched, and I've been watching stuff about codependence npd bpd etc for ten years. so I've seen literally TJOUSANDS of them. xx

  • outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera

    the other thing is, if you're worried about how they'll feel about you, you're not even thinking about how You will feel about THEM. You might not like them! you night feel they're lovely or you might feel they're neurotic or controlling or selfish or boring or clever or stupid or ridiculous or intelligent. you could see it as You are interviewing Them for the job of being your boyfriends parents…..

  • Iconoclast Germane

    Omfg. I started watching your videos maybe 2 days ago and you're are like an really close female version of don't know whether to love you or run away. I choose to love you! F*ck it.It's eerie,though 🙂 . Thanks for the mirror,keep trucking


    Wow…just Wow! Thank you. If only I had seen your videos 17 years ago. I thought I was crazy. I couldn't wrap my head around my life. Over & over for years this went on. Finally…I'm free. I understand. I get it now.

  • Sage Atwater

    You are brave!

    Sometimes people will reject you and you can't do anything about it. But this is not always about you. And when the voice in your head says "I told you so" remember that. Sometimes it's all about them, what they believe, what they experienced or whatever. It's right and important to see yourself critically but it's as important to not always search for "the problem" in yourself.

    Stay strong, hugs.

  • Monika Małochleb

    what if I am afraid probably the most that these feelings are true? how can I judge what is the truth and what is distorted thinking.. I know that deep inside in my mind I know the truth about me but those feelings can be so powerful that in the moment of having it you get paralyzed and catastrophising about how many possibilities of rejection and hopelessness is available in everyday life.. it's overwhelming. my question is how to find the truth inside yourself and if this is relevant at all?

  • Patrick Callaghan

    Thank you Dana. Thanks for posting this video .You are a very courageous person, I have watched several of your videos and they have helped me to become more self aware after leaving a toxic relationship. This video in particular helped me to sit with that feeling below my extreme aanxiety and to face my fears. I am sharing this video on facebook today in the hope it will encourage others to feel what needs to be felt .

  • Doctor Hibbert

    The question is do you know who you are that is the question you need to be looking for it because once you were generally given off certain devices really doesn't not comply to my expertise for example you giving off certain situations such as anxiety

    What is anxiety is where one person is decide to isolate herself from reality itself and see things different in the different perspective and has a control over his own mind or his observing everything Awakening up unfortunate to say you are simply trapped because the way you are contradicting your words it does not make sense of what you are processing towards an many people these days next

  • Leo Aguirre

    Hello Dana, I believe that your anxiety is unconsciously self-imposed, it’s originates from your lack of confidence in your inner being. It stems from an all human desire to be liked, and we all have a strong desire to be needed and loved. I can tell you are a very sensitive human being, and rejections only unjustly validates in your mind that you are not perfect/normal. You have an inner desire to please people, but at what cost? The simple fact of life is that not everybody you encounter will like you, no matter how good of a person you are and that is okay. I feel that if you just relax and be yourself, in my opinion it would be very hard for a “normal” human being not to like you. Your positive energy will be so strong, your confidence level will be so high you can’t help but radiate this feeling to all those around you. It will melt the heart of even the coldest people. Don’t over analyst things, for this negative self-analyst puts you into this state of mind. For what it’s worth, I know I only know you from your videos, yet I feel very comfortable with you and your persona. So, it doesn’t matter if some people don’t like you, the only thing that matters is how much you love yourself, and the awareness that you are a good person. Take a long look at yourself and see all the good you are trying to do for others, like complete strangers just like me. Your inner being wants to reach out and touch people with your videos in positive ways, there are so many negative people in the world and you are not one of them. My hope for you today is that the only tears you shed are those of happiness and the knowledge that you are a good “normal” person. I hope this helps, it was kind of hard to put my feelings into words, without being/sounding judgmental or negative, that was the farthest from my mind. Leo (PS: You are so expressive with your jesters, especially with your eyes that I can really connect with. Your video only shows the human side of you, a loving and caring human being. Don’t change for anybody, never be what “they” want you to be, don’t chance, you are perfect the way you are!)

  • missclubb

    I know exactly how you feel!! I get paralyzed with anxiety when I meet people I really want to like me. ANY family would be so lucky to have a kind, intelligent, intuitive, self-aware, beauty like you! Thank you again Dana, you are lighting up my life with your knowledge.

  • Dare Gabner

    when you are around ppl. who love and accept you, truly, you don't have symptoms, . they make you happy. and if you did have panic attack, they wouldn't care. when you ignore intuition, even if you just met someone, you shake, stutter…..knowing a group….knowing you are expected to keep composure, say right things, ……it makes the fear worse. pressure to act normal.

  • Dare Gabner

    its hard to hear ppl. say 'be positive', don't be neg…..and it helps to be aware of others, yes, the experience is better when i make others feel good, i think i can control my symptoms….then it comes back. watching you go threw this helped me. i don't see anything wrong, or dark or scary….about your symptoms.. actually its not noticeable to ppl. but thank you. i'm not so horrified at mine.

  • Dare Gabner

    its actually endearing, sweet, ….a nice person would either hug you, or make you laugh, when you had a panic attack. and to truly not give a futhrjj, ….that's even better. its fearless. to truly not give a fuhrur what ppl. think

  • Dare Gabner

    i had a best friend in college, we hung out every day. i got sober. last thing she said to me was 'why does everything have to be a trajedy w you'. knew she was fake. plenty of fake, ppl. who looked liike freaks, but snobs,. i finally asked one why she was like that she said i don't trust ppl. you need to find ppl. who get you. my whole fam. hates me. i realized that. they hated me cuz i'm a reflection of who they wish they were.

  • Dare Gabner

    toxic ppl. say horrible things , project, cause they're jealous. they want to be you. can i find kind ppl. who have issues. who won't care if i freak out over a flat tire. or, is there anyone who will watch tv w me, all day, for a month, catatonic, no plans, goals. like, if they ask what i did yesterday, and i said, i talked to my narc fam. , then forgot who i am. i paced around , like tiger in cage. w horrible thoughts. i knew my cat was starring at me,, reading my thoughts. damn, my poor cat has to see this shit. crying. or,, how long it takes me to leave the house. idk. i guess i have to get a life, and do stuff i can talk about. if i can finally find a way to be autonomous. not being paid to be abused. my livin is a victim.

  • Dare Gabner

    i went back home….that's the problem. fear and survival. i haven't slept in 5 days…shit. i just realized the lie, the enabler is , was the covert the entire time. gaslighted, trapped…from a brute who grunts to this, wow, its sick, i just realized this. now im trapped. now he has cancer…i can't heal in the war. this goes way beyond any other symptomsl i'm mindfucked fried paralyzed. i'm too afraid to think of loneliness….but, yeah, more trauma, i can't heal. i have so much work to do just to be around ppl. …gifts w strings. my whole problem. things i did out of desperation. i can't can't act normal. i can't make myself do it. i will space out, get sick….i have to get away from these mean angry ppl.

  • Dare Gabner

    but, i have humiliated myself, freeked out,adreneline….it happens. i m def. weird right now. so many creepy ppl. i say too much…i just realized the world is worse than i thought. i have to watch what i say….i'm too tired, its boring hiding, .if someone's nice it appears weird to me. like they'd never accept my intensity. all my life i could hide my emotions.. i'm a fucking mess. its embarassing. i'm not a fearless god who doesn't give a fuck…blah blan im a basic mentally ill fuckn person. shit!

  • Erica Maddox

    Hi Dana, I'm in tears watching this. You are a lot farther in on your recovery than I am and you filming this as you were experiencing an anxiety episode is phenomenal. Your energy and presence poses exactly what an anxiety attack looks like. Vulnerability is so hard to show for me now. I get so angry when having to show that sensitive side of my deepest darkest thoughts. When I have an attack my husband helps me dispute the thoughts and come to an official reason why I'm feeling the way I am. Learning to fully accept the feelings is the hardest. Thank you so much. It is so reassuring knowing that this is real and I'm not alone. It's hard to explain the feelings to someone like my husband who had a healthy childhood. I recall going to his family home before marriage and having those same irrational thoughts you were. "I'm not good enough, what if they find out I'm crazy or not good for their son?" When in fact all of that was the complete opposite. Once again thank you ❤️

  • Peter Burns

    So, as many times as it takes, you allow yourself to get past the anxiety to the core belief. Then when you come face to face with the core belief, you sit in the core belief until the anxiety fades and you honor or self-validate because in order to heal, we first must be validated in our wounds. Is that correct?

  • Peter Burns

    Another question: how would you describe the difference between healthy person's view and processing of rejection and codependent's view of rejection?

    Is it kind of that the codependent pushes internal emotional feelings away or pushes them down deep inside while looking for validation
    from outside sources … but never getting it from the narc. It's a kind of self perpetuating abuse. And maybe the process of self validating is more powerful than another's validation (even a therapist).

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