narcissist videos

Why Am I Co-dependent? (Life Coaching Moment)

Why am I codependent? What are the origins of co-dependency? Most of us who used codependency as a coping skill didn’t like it and fought it like mad. Why? Because we weren’t told it’s not just about boundaries – it’s about underlying shame. Shame from feeling rejected, unwanted, unloved and so forth (check out my video about the LIE that is running your life.)

A big shout out to John Bradshaw

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‘Can We Talk?’ is on online therapy youtube channel dedicated to psychology, therapy, relationships, healthy living, well-being and the like. It should not be considered therapy, nor a substitute for therapy. If you need help with any mental, emotional, family or relational struggle, please seek help from a qualified professional in your area.

Melinda Haynes, LMFT California license no 102308, the maker of therapy videos online!

When you are codependent, your mood, your sense of self-worth, your motivation, all revolve around another person or a few persons. Usually these persons have some difficulty or another… they refuse to grow up, they are irresponsible, they have a substance use problem, an anger problem… And the codependent somehow feels responsible for it. The codependent also feels good when he or she can “help” the other person. Using this perspective of shame, we could say that the codependent is masking his or her pain from shame by focusing on others. Endlessly helping, fixing and rescuing someone is a “high” that distracts from the pain of shame. If you think about it, codependency is really selfishness dressed up in martyrdom.

I’m not really helping you to help you. I’m helping you to help me. I need you to be okay so I’m okay. I need you to be the way I want you to be. I need you. Like a drug.

See? codependency is really no fun. It’s an enmeshed mess of denial of shame and denial of the whole false system that a codependent will call “love” or “caring” or “helping.”

Find out more about co-dependency at

Signs You’re In a Co-dependent Relationship

Co-dependent and Enabling Behaviors

As Seen On…

See professional mentions at…

Healthline: For Many People With Anxiety, Self-Care Just Doesn’t Work

Bustle: 9 Signs You Have a High Functioning Personality Disorder

Fupping: The 14 Books You Should Read for a Happier More Healthy Relationship

Elite Daily: 6 Things to Think About When You’re Stressed and Your Mind is Racing a Mile a Minute


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