narcissist videos

When The Narcissist Makes You Out To Be The Crazy One



If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship it’s very likely you’ve heard the following words…

Look at you, you are crazy!’

You need professional help!

Everyone else can see it but you!

The thing is, when you a wrapped up in a toxic relationship you are LOSING your mind. You do feel despair, rage, confusion and panic … regularly.

You are triggered into feelings and reactions that you didn’t even know you were capable of.

And … it passes through your head, Maybe he or she is right. Maybe it is me after all.
Today, I really want to reach out to those of you who are deeply in the fog and don’t know how to find a way out and I wanted to give you clarity and hope.

I want to inspire you that these feelings – that you’re losing your mind and there’s something wrong with you, and with which you are being accused of and even diagnosed with – does not have to be your life sentence going forward.

In this Thriver TV episode, we look at exactly what is really taking place when the narcissist makes you out to be crazy one, and I want to inspire you with the solution of how to release yourself out of this, as well as personal stories that I hope can help you.
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40 Comments

  • eve romero

    I know that I am healed because I don't have to tell my narcissist that I am doing well. I could not care less if he knew it or not. I do not have to prove to him that I have a great life. I am very happy without the need of him knowing that I am very happy.

  • Sam Slovadz

    It does resonates in me greatly, have watched many of your videos with lots of interest, and in this one you mentioned about sickness that people developed like fibromialgia, or cancer, during the toxic relationship with the narc, could Multiple Sclerosis also be a disease triggered from a lifetime of abusive relationship, in a otherwise healthy person who took care of herself, made exercise regularly and had also a healthy and clean nutritional diet? I lost my mother to MS years ago, and I'm working my way out after struggling over a year and months after the discard from my ex-narc 4 yrs relationship, and during just last 3 few months I've begun learning about NPD abuse and been connecting dots realizing that, indeed, my father is an overt narc, he terrorized my mother since I have memory and controlled every aspect of her life as much as he could, and also, being a doctor, controlled almost completely every aspect of my mother's treatments and medication aspects during the 6 years of fight to MS, and also pulled her off meds and treatment that were beginning to give results in her recovery only to blame the specialist on MS of misleading and misdiagnosign her, went on to a dubious doctor who has a fame of diagnosign many ppl of having lupus and more than once being him the mistaken one. When my father did that, my mother's slighty recovered health was gone, and we lost her nearly just 6 months after. It's haunted me ever since that all her fight, her will to live was lost due to someone who was supposed to be the one with the means and expertise to help her have a recovery and a livable existance after the MS diagnose and I always knew deep in my heart that many of the things I sensed and saw him do were intentional to deteriorate my mother's health while he kept appearing to ppl outside the family as a loving and dedicated husband, while behind doors the fighting and all that's been mentioned about NPD abuse happened. As I continue learning more and more of this subject, and work on myself, more I convince myself that I wasn't just hurting from her loss, and that he actually did all those insanities to gain recognition for "caring for her" while his aggressions never stopped and whatever I fought to keep her as safe as possible was in vain, and he managed to get away with all that and save face as much as he could… mentioning this breaks my heart again…

  • Christina Haftman

    My ex boyfriend. They TRIGGER you. Then BLAME your reaction. They will drive you to suicide. Get help and get out! He’s back on Facebook unemployed 24/7 flirting messaging and liking pics baiting the next girl with fake charm and religious quotes and positivity

  • Crystena Hemingway

    thank you. It's been one year since I left the man that I loved and still love. I had never heard of narcissistic abuse before and only through trying to understand my pain did It start to make some sense to me. I remain cautious to label him, as well as myself as victim….though there are so many similarities on both sides.
    We spent 7 years together. Most of it I felt damaged and alone.
    Yet, like you, I felt that becoming the best version of myself by healing all of the childhood traumas that had suddenly become apparent, then we would be okay. That he could/would love me again in the way that he had finally convinced me of after a couple years together.
    I often felt responsible for our troubles during the relationship. That I was to blame for his distance because of what had become my worst fear come true…..I'd become a needy partner. The more I longed for intimacy the worse it got. I began to feel like I was losing my mind.
    I was.
    BUT that's when I became determined to heal. And so I began and made good progress.
    Within a year I had been completely devalued and I believe discarded, though his new "friend" hadn't been secured yet, it was definitely in the works and ultimately the reason I left.
    It completely surprised him, as well as it did me when I made the decision.
    My whole life and vision of my future were with him and I never looked outside from that, which I think is part of why my "recovery" has been so difficult.
    I had very little dignity left within myself, barely just enough to know that I HAD to leave. I DID NOT want to though.
    The journey since then has taken me to depths I did not know were possible.
    The personal growth from all of it…the whole 7 years together astounds me (on the positive note)
    I'm doing better now, although I spent the better part of last night crying again.
    Nights like that are much less frequent.
    I still love him. I had learned and chosen to love him unconditionally…..but like they say, sometimes love isn't enough.
    I'm learning now to love myself.

  • Ada Hu

    Everythingsaid by Melanie in this video is so so so TRUE! I started the healing about 6 months ago and now I can say the only way to deal with narcissists is not to deal with them at all, that is, to withdraw emotionally completely and focus on one's inner being. Our healing and well-being is the first priority and will always be. Another helpful mantra said by Melanie is – " Life will sort the narcissists out".
    Thank you very much for the great truth!💗💗💗🌹

  • Ada Hu

    And usually at the discard stage, the narcissist accuses you of everything that happened or didn't happen, and you're like "you're the one who's been constantly having affairs and gaslighting me after each affair, how on earth can I be calm and tolerate" and then you got into arguments or fights even (and the narcissists are totally capable of triggering you purposefully so that you'll do irrational things). In this way you're just set up by the narcissist. Later all your effort to sort out the issue and maintain the relationship will be used by the narcissist against you as evidence that you have horrible temper, you're insane (my dad did this to both my mom and me, the narcissist had been having affairs with his ex and applied the same technique to me)

    If one keeps arguing, justifying, one can really be brought down to demise, because sorting out issues with the narcissist is like ASKING A PERSON WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA WHY YOUR WORDS DON'T MAKE SENSE". There's never going to be anything that makes sense.
    I'm so glad that the healing has helped me reveal my true self bit by bit so that now I began seeing the truth 💗💗💗

  • Absolutely Blonde

    Yep, and now that I think back I was crazy to put up with any of it. And again I must say that they indeed do get worse with therapy, like you said before. Ive never seen anything like it before. Even worse and more self important. Saying things such as " I think my actions are creating awareness"…..hmmmm self important much. How on earth does a therapist not pick this up? Yes, admittedly its using my buttons, although Ive become much better slowly. Looking into doing your course too and looking forward to. Lovely background. Just miss Tiggy!

  • Rosemary Wallace

    Just awesome, empowering truth, Melanie. Exactly my experience. I'm free five years now from the narc who I still have to consistently avoid, outmaneuver and seriously protect myself from in my small island community. Your leadership, articulation and insight feed me and inspire beyond measure. Bless your heart and soul!

  • PK ROLAND

    Thank you soooooo much Melanie! You're so famously SMART! My mother, I think, is an altruistic narcissist and my father an alcoholic misogynistic narc type. I've been a pancake about sending them this email I wrote a couple months ago (upon awakening) discussing my recovery and boundaries because I can't really tell how bad they are. I hear so often don't tell the narc how you feel, but I suppose I wanted to give them a chance so yesterday I pressed send and I did feel some subtle relief in sending the email. (We'll see what they do.) On the path to thriving x0!! PK

  • Angela Falsetta

    This video could not depict the Narcs madness and systematic, methodical sadistic abuse all planned and carried out on the prey. ANGRY Anyone??? But, that won't help us…NC is the best revenge. More than that…A good and happy life is THE BEST REVENGE!! TYSM MEL! Will get back to your Quantum Healing Course…I began it and lost my way. ON my way back!

  • A Hines

    Thank you Melanie. It is heart breaking to hear that this is a normal pattern of behaviour and not something I have experienced as a one off. Very very sad. Is there healing for someone who for some reason manifests this behaviour? Although, as they are unable to recognise any fault in themselves, I guess they are perfectly happy to continue being this way towards others.

  • z z

    I think mine took classes…😊😀😁… he told me he did research on NPD… when his ex wife cheated on him…. he carefully eliminated some classic tactics with me…..but then told me….he wasn't a Narsasist because he didn't do those particular tactics…😂😂 he always told on himself……

  • z z

    I would have never left… my sense of loyalty and love… at least my concept of loyalty and love kept me there…. stuck … I had convinced myself that it was better to stay in an abusive situation than be alone.😣😣😣

  • Kattie W

    I was thrown aside when I expressed how the narcissists behaviour was not acceptable by me… He is diagnosed bi-polar, so I did understand from the beginning that it would be difficult because of that. He is quite depressed often and very negative and paranoid generally. I never in my scariest dream could imagine that I will find him being a COVERT NARCISSIST!

    I left the house the day before Christmas and was homeless for a while, but I was happy to have help from my friends the first period of time. It was horrible!

    The brake up was carried out because he has started a new relationship on the phone with a woman 700km away and "my" narcissist didn't want me in the way of his happiness. Oddly…. I did not react with jealousy at all, but some kind of relief because I understood it would be easier to leave him. He is like the others, could never accept a NO or anything that's not fitting his thoughts and needs…

    He accused me with assault and I have a court case waiting because of it. Of course, it's him not being able to keep a job or enjoy work situations. He was even kicked from a new job after only two months during last year.

    I'm respected and appreciated at my jobs, but I can't carry on working with people as I've done all my life if I will be convicted…

    This shocked me to the core, that he is so revengeful and does everything to destroy me….

    BUT! I'm so incredibly happy for this insight and understanding about the whole situation, that I now know what happened and why it could happen, so I'm able to heal my self from this

    The odd thing is, that he seemed so deep and willing to work with his inner world and childhood trauma. We have been to countless spiritual retreats, where he supposed to deep dive, but every time it ended with him braking up with me. He is doing daily yoga, meditates several times of the day and practices zen… I have to say that all this duped me to the core and it toke me almost two years to come to the conclusion that he is a total fake… and when I once said to him, that his buddhistic path lacks all the ground stones of buddhism, like loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness, he punished me with total coldness and got him a new supply…. a supply only to kick me out of the house.

    So… this court thing. I feel that he will be the one who will loose because I can live with being convicted. My bosses, who I informed about the whole thing stands behind me… so I'm trying to not give his shit-show to much power

    I'm considering writing a book on this…. I think many of us need to read others stories to find the power to turn inward and do the work and find strength through this process

    Thank you for everything you do! <3

  • Irene Irene

    I've been with an altruistic narcissist…and it's the worst thing ever…but I'm healing. I'm only 26, I never had any major health problems but for 2 years I have some conditions,really strange ones, that no doctor has come to put a right diagnostic and heal it. Some said is asthma some said it's not. I tried all medications nothing improves my health for 2 years. Now that I'm separated from him, maybe I will recover. It's so strange. My muscles are contracting like crazy…It's really a different situation when you have a health issue that is undiagnosed and untreated. It's really depressing

  • LLLOORR L.C

    I really want to brutally hurt everyone that has caused me to tally up all or this pain and Im starting to think that I'm turning narcasistic because I've been thru hell as a child I found all of this out I'm 18 now and found this while I'm still young which is a blessing but I wanna fuck people over wo remorse just as I was done I was horribly bullied in school and at home by my own "mother "

  • eve romero

    I will NEVER be ready to quit this narcissist's relationship. It is way too fun. The narcissist is not very smart, and their patterns of behavior make it so easy to predict their next move. I am an empathic and so I can feel his thoughts. Every time he hoovers, I bite the shit out his dangling, little carrot. It was so difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that narcissists just don't care or love. They really DON'T. Once I really made that a definite fact, I began to turn the Narcissist's abuse around. One day, I would call him my KING. or send him a sexually explicit picture. I made sure he thought that I was hooked. I wrote very long letters of praise and how wonderful he is, or I would make the letter so bad and ugly and know that he would read it and still be available to me. Playing with him like this became my closure. I could lead the abuse and direct right back toward him. The more I turned his abuse back at him, by first idealizing and love-bombing, then making him feel like shit the way he did to me, the more power I got, and finally figured out that he is not great at all. In fact, we are on equal terms, both just human, flaws and all. No contact, never. It is way too fun to empower myself with showing him his own flaws after I love-bomb him first. Try it. The control is back with you.

  • The Oculists

    Please please please.. my name is mitchell and im 29 almost 30 i have a baby due in a few weeks and my lady is scared to death of my mom and family (not the families fualt) that my abuser (my mother) tried to cobvince me that it wasnt mine, and its hecause my babymomma knows that i am telling the trurh….
    My mother got power of attorney because i didnt know i couldnt trust her. And i gave it to her because. i had an injury got shot in my knee joint, and shes done dissability paperwork in the past.. and sge did the whole we will go for your knee and bad eyes, and then nect thing i kniw im at a phychoologyst office. Because if i get mental dissability bennefits its more money to me, AND SHE CAN PROLLY GET CONTROL OF THE MONEY… its all about money, and im starting to see more and more that maybe my whole life she has been doing her thing.. she had to help me with my carpayment because stepdad co signed… she started her scheme after weeks of harrassment about money when i couldnt even walk.. she would bitch about money and then the next day send pics of tgeir new wood floor and tiles..
    I have nothing, accept the room and board provided by the abuser.. and my mind is not good from all of it, i dont want to do it but ive warned her over and over, and she knows i that i know… but i dunno what else to do.. one of the family mwmbwrs who thpught i was crazy was at the hpuse and saw mw confront her with ABSOLUTE proof and he came out to protect her… but then noticed that she was saying 3 different answeres for one question.. over and over, and she instantly said ii have anger issues and we need to go to the DR. She even startwd the car.. anyways that family member got kicked out and is treated like dog crap now and it all is because he knows the truth.. i feel bad about that too so bad… but i gave hwr the oppertunity to come clean and tell everyone whats going on, and i would forgive you and let it be.. she says NO i didnt lie. So i said if i show you a little bit of proof would u rethink your answere (dont quote me word for word lol)
    She says ook show me, and i showed her some of her own text messages she forgot to delete when she gave me her old phone.. and i came across the evidence on accident, and thats when i started looking. Anyways i show her ABSOLUTE PROOF OF SOME VERY SERIOUS ISSUES, and she says NO i DID NOT LIE I HAVE TOLD THE TRUTH.. and that was a very scary day for me, i knew it was bad but i had no clue how bad… nooo joke.. of course since everyone thinks i have PARANOID schizophrenia nobody will listen.. and thats how she got me… i con ect a few dots and im a PARANOID SKITZOPHRENIA who singles HER out and always blames her for everything…. she got me good im telling you.. im not perfect not even close but i will admit when i am wrong and i have been wrong in the past and it wont be the last time.. please if simeone can help.. i have nothing, im drained, my kknee isnt good and i knoew she wont stop and i am being a fool if i continue.. ive been taken to the h9spital by the police over a lie, i was homeless in denver for months vecause i didnt know what to do and i knew i could go to the abuser (my mother) here in new mexico, yeah im confused… i made up my mind i want to persue a lawsuit… i hate how i sound crazy, i know all of this sounds crazy and i look crazy to outsiders because if they arent here with me and see just the little, suttle things that is done on purpose and it is stupid to complain about these purposely done things, and i sound crazy whenn i say somthing.. but the thing is she does it on pupose, while others arent around.. dont say this to him dont say this to her now i know why she always says to lie abput the dumbest things.. and I MADE SURE FOR SURE FOR SURE IT WASNT ME JUST LOOSING IT.
    As soonn as i started doing better for myself it seems like things got serious… and is there anyway to sue her?? Or to get a sapeana on her old text messages?? She would say one thing to my grandma and thwn another to me.. but FAMILYWIDE… i mean its bigtime bad…. all for money.. i suspect ive been given medicine without my consent aswell..

    You can tell desperate i am damn i need to calm down lol..

  • Sarah Roberts

    I'm still reeling in the shock and pain of a two year divorce battle that began in 2016, when my husband, the father of my children, and the person I believed was the love of my life and my soulmate decided to discard me. At that point I didn't know he was a narcissist, I knew very little about actual NPD, and I had yet to learn that "discarding" was even actually a very real and specific thing. Well, needless to say, I know now.

    We finalized the divorce on March 27th and I thought that maybe the abuse would stop. Unfortunately, not only has he escalated his attacks, but now his girlfriend has joined in on antagonizing me.

    I recently tried to date someone and my now-ex husband immediately jumped in to trying to sabotage/manipulate/gain some sort of upper hand or control over the relationship.

    Both the ex and his girlfriend continue to make such outrageous claims that I can't even figure out how to connect them with reality. No matter what happens in any given situation, I'm without fail always the one to be blamed.

    Because he stole everything when he took off and then proceeded to drag me through a year and a half court battle-from-Hell, I'm still struggling daily to clean up the immense physical/emotional/financial/legal/seemingly-neverending destruction he has left in his wake. I thought I was doing really well for a while but I've started slipping back into that dark grey area in my head. The thoughts are starting to creep in again- maybe it actually was my fault, I was the problem, I'm the delusional one, he was a saint for staying with a mess like me for so long, what he's done is somehow justifiable because I was such a bad wife… and the dark spiral continues downward.

    I don't know why or how, but I've also fallen back into the trap of obsessing over trying to understand who he is or what happened or if I can trust any of my own actions or decisions. My energy has been dropping and my avoidance and self medication habits have started kicking in again. For about five days straight last week I was virtually frozen, and unable to make any decisions.

    This video is exactly what I needed to see today. If, without knowing anything about me or my situation, you can record a twenty-five minute video that describes and details my experience so specifically that I'm left sitting here in shock with my jaw dropped… there's no way I'm crazy. What I'm experiencing is real, and not my fault.

    I really needed to see this. Thank you.

  • Sophia Zaynor

    Hi Miss Evans. Thank you so much for your beautiful and helpful videos. I am a young woman who is beginning to understand that my mother is severely emotionally abusive. I have two questions maybe you can help with. I'm not sure what the appropriate way to contact a youtuber with a question is, but here goes. 1, is it possible that people who believe or accuse other people of being abusive are in fact narcissist themselves. My mother constantly tells me that everything is my fault and the rest of the family agrees, but it's hard for me to know if that is true or not because no one else can see into my house to know for sure. 2. What is the difference between a narcissistic abuser and an abusive person who does not have a personality disorder, and is there a difference?
    Thank you for reading my comment. Have a good day.

  • Geoffrey Collis

    My X drove me to attempted suicide, for 23years I slowly got sicker until I broke, she then turned my attempt around and said I had threatened her life, I ended up in an institution and was charged with threatening to harm her, I then got imprisoned for 13months this was served in a mental institution were I voluntarily stayed for two years . While I was in there she turned her attention on to our Autistic son and he to ended up in the care of mental health. My Son and I now live together and have started t heal, these people are incredible dangers being even prepared to destroy there own children'

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