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When I Woke Up & Discovered My Mother is a Narcissist – My Journal Entries 2

My journal entries I wrote when I woke up and discovered my mother is a narcissist. June 16th/15 to June 23rd/15.

I am not a mental health professional nor am I an academic expert on npd or cptsd. I am here to share my story both past and present as I continue on a journey of recovery from cptsd.



  • The Mouse that Roared

    3:00 Yes… We really do rationalize and excuse their behavior, give them the benefit of a doubt, look for any other explanation to avoid the truth.
    I did it for years. The lies we tell ourselves to avoid the painful fact that they don't love us, never did and never will. It takes an effort of will to let them go, but it can be done.
    XOXO ♡♡

  • The Mouse that Roared

    3.00… Yes… we do rationalize and excuse their behavior, look for any reason to explain it. Give them the benefit of the doubt. We lie to ourselves in order not to face the painful truth that they never loved us and never will. I did this for years.
    It takes an effort of will to get to the point where they and even the thought of them can no longer harm us, but it can be done.
    XOXO ♡♡

  • Maxi Bake

    Hi PH, I think your right about perimenopause making us a bit more forceful, I only stood up to her in the last 4-5 years too. I got my awakening in January 2015, then went low/contact grey rock. My Ndad enabled her, absolutely, but he was also very narcissistic & a violent pervert too. So glad I got away. Michelles right, they never truly loved us, it's hard to get our heads around that one, because as mothers ourselves that seems alien, doesn't it, & we can't think what we did wrong to make them that way. We did nothing wrong at all, their just plain old incapable of true love. End off. I wish I'd journalled, things come back to me in little bursts. My Nmum would have found them anyway, & there'd have been hell to pay, nothing was private in that house, it was boundaryless. Look forwards to more videos. Take care hun. Huggers xx <3 🙂 ❤🙂🐕

  • cory k

    You might really like the book, "The Wisdom of Menopause" by Christiane Northrup, M.D. She talks about our periods being times when the estrogen levels change and we get more real about our circumstances…and she says that perimenopause is when the 'brain catches fire.' What she means by this is that this is when we really start to deal with the stuff around us that we can no longer take. She believes it is a crucial time of growth. Estrogen, according to her, is the hormone that helps us adapt to things, even dysfunctional things…but when this level starts to decrease, we suddenly start to realize that we can take it no more. Your story sounds so much like mine. hugs

  • aqua rian

    Just sitting here slammed at the similarities. The body judgment, the enabling father, treatment after death of father, the discard when I was done playing the role, the anger. The more I learn, the more I see the script consistencies are amazing. Like they all went to the same Narc classes. I originally found this on a blog, but wanted to thank you for reading through your journal. I can really relate to the feelings you've expressed. NC for only a short time but feel it's permanent. The conflicting issues of shock, relief and sadness at reviewing past memories through a completely different lens has been the most difficult.

  • Victory in Him

    Narcs love to torture their victims at weak moments the exaggerated reactions of teenage girls is crack for them. Stress is not good for female biology. I wonder if your menstrual problems were connected to your abuse.

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