What's Predictable About Narcissists, And Why It Matters

Narcissists like to think they are unique or special, when in fact, their patterns can be quite predictable. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter identifies some of the most common attitudes and behaviors of narcissists, then explains how you can sidestep the shame they want to place on you. It is important to know that you are a player on the stage with a narcissist, but the script is the same whether it is you or someone else on the receiving end of their messages.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.

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Books by Dr. Carter:

Laura Charanza’s book:

While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can assist:

Dr. Carter’s online workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity:

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Comments (42)

It has taken me years and counseling and a confidant in my sister. It is not about me.

Actually it was my sister at a funeral situation that I actually heard and understood. I'm not responsible for my mom. She is responsible for her own self. She knows what she doing. She don't have alzheimers or dementia.

I'm finally getting the peace I have prayed for so long. Thank you Jesus.

He said he was difficult; now so many years after I think in some ways I’ve turned into him.

In the first part of this video you emphazise alot about the ”I know more”-attitude. And all well argumented. However, I think there is also a little bit of overstatement there. Consider two random people meeting. One is always more experienced than the other and considering the IQ-distribution, one is always more intelligent than the other. Most cases due to the fullness of the IQ-distribution the difference in IQ is insignificant but still 50% of people are less intelligent as the average and 50% is more intelligent than the average.

More important is the age difference. Let’s consider that the era of understanding what responsibility of oneself and of others mean starts at, say, 15 years for the simplicity of numbers. A 25 year old discusses with a 50 year old. The first will have significant experience span of 10 years and the latter 35 years. The latter knows about forming a relationship, marriage, family, mortgage, daily work and he nows the bubbles that have burst, where as the first one has built his ideals from TV, music, friends, books, parents etc. The fact of life is that 50 year is a lot wiser in many ways. He knows while the other one only believes he knows.

My point being here that most often the other one really knows better and simply stating this does not make the authority a narcist.

In fact I would not be surprised that a Narcist is in someway more clever than the opponent because all his life he has studied how to get on top of the other and they have actually quite a lot of understanding what drives people, how to pull strings. You need to be a bit clever to do this efficiently.

Im saying that when you meet a narcist, never think automatically he is dum or simple. He knows how to play the game of influencing. It does not mean he does not know what he is talking about. He just does not feel anything nor does he feel any responsibility of his actions on the other one.

I'm so glad I found your videos. It's really helping me understand my situation and what I'm going thru.
I still find it hard to believe a person can be so evil at the core of themselves. Thank you for helping me see the light and get away

Thank you so much for truely life saving info💞

I witnessed right infront of me a 85 yr old Lady after i asked her if she was going to her familys for christmas…..she said no im not going everything will be all about the new baby anyway……omg i am still trying to pic my jaw up from the floor…..mind you this baby is her 4th great grandbaby……..i still cant believe she said that….but it confermened to the T big Narc even at the age of 85….shocks me!

I spent a life time learning about patterns and NEVER blaming or in my case holding accountable those who were to blame. and taking full responsiblity for anything that happened to me when I wasn't always the cause. Because ' I can only change me/ my reaction. I don't control I follow the rules whenever possible and yet you've cited many things that could label me with this! Not illogically or ridiculously defensive. Very reflective and accountable. However! It IS their fault ( society and the way it treats women especially if they are poor and isolated)! It is an x's fault for being cruel so I had to leave him. I do know MORE than many people I meet! Because I examine and research anything I don't know about that affects me. I AM unique, far too many tests in schools confirm it and so does my talent in the arts. We exist! And are not necessarily narcissists. I've met them been close to them and they are ALL of these things but off the charts and they use it against you … EVERY TIME. It's worrisome that you cite each of these points as traits of narcisissts without mentioning people can have some of these things and not have that condition at all. And that there are genuinely unique people who are capable of things few people are.

Mine was the type who, if he met an astro-physicist, would instruct him how to make a bottle-rocket.

I was told by him not to ever ask questions. Like he said that he doesn't lie….he will tell some of it just not all of it.

Not sure about your first point as people can naturally have stronger areas of knowledge over other peoples. For example…if you were a carpenter by trade with no formal knowledge of baking and a Baker by trade was telling you that "they know" how they think you should make a loaf of bread, are they a Narcissist?

Mommy Dearest quote "do as I say not as I do"

Wow, this video reminded me of a time in my 20s (I am 52) when I used to say "I know" all the time. I recognized it at some point and stopped. Might not nec be narcissism, but just immaturity.

Don't take it personal a Narcissist has no remorse for hurting you . You were supply . Family or not . and don't feel sorry for them , you will only get that sick smile back . ' 'condescending ' smirk ! Predictability

Ur the best on this subject!!! Thanks

Great love that touched my heart is given to me by your teachings,

great many cops in the us must be narcissist then. lars from Denmark.

Thank you for your excellent advice! I have been watching your different episodes on Surviving Narcissism, as I believe I work with a Narcissist, (possibly a Malignant Narcissist), and need strategies !

If they do something unusually kind beware. In time you'll find out exactly how it benefits them. Their gifts aren't freely given.

Tell me more about my sister 😂 If it wouldn't be such a bad thing, it could be so funny…

Thank you so much! Your videos are encouraging and affirming to me! It helps me not to feel guilty for making healthy choices and standing my ground. I grew up with narcissistic parents and then married a narcissist. I'm now divorced and have distanced myself from my parents. I'm learning how to be my own person and not let others control me. It feels wonderful to know that I'm not the crazy and irresponsible one, THEY are!

"I'm unique!" "I'm special!" I now cringe when I hear people spout that rubbish – boak!!

I told my narcissistic ex I wouldn't ever be what he wanted me to be which was his doormat.After walking away a year ago he still continues to ride by house and watch me from his dad's who lives in my neighborhood.

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“The outstanding negative quality of the totalitarian elite is that it never stops to think about the world as it really is and never compares the lies with reality.” ― Hannah Arendt, The Origins of Totalitarianism

“You don't understand anything until you learn it more than one way.” ― Marvin Minsky

Thank you so much for making these videos!

Wow! This is so informative AND hard to take in. Thankyou for opening my eyes with this helpful knowledge. I think since I have started NOT reacting to my husband d's crazy Drama, he knows something's up. So he has upped his game as far as trying to create more attention getting drama. This is hard work. Very predictable as you said but more intense .

Thank you. Your videos are very helpful. I’m in the beginning stages of The Awakening, 25 years married to a covert narcissist. I’m exhausted. Barely surviving stage 3colorectal cancer.

You have been very helpful. Really appreciate your work to help us.

dude, somebody alawys knows more about something than somebody else, just the way it is…

My mom showed and still shows these signs of narcissism. She was never wrong, but everybody else was. She always compared me with my sisters, "Why can you just be like your sisters?" Everytime I wanted to have a relationship with her she either was in her room smoking and pop in valium pills or if she decided to speak to me was most of the times to make fun or criticize me. I thought I was at fault. Nope, I was wrong. Consequently, I became ashamed of myself to the point I was afraid to look myself in the mirror because of all the guilt I felt. It was a very dark episode in my life. I'm very thankful for these life changing videos. I love my life now I'm not perfect, but I love myself with its imperfections and all ❤✌

One of my narc sisters was busy yelling at me as she was shaming and blaming me in our aged mom's living room today. My sister kept raising her voice and talking to me in this nasty, condescending tone about how I was a loser in life and how I said something wrong to her. I told her in my regular speaking voice that I was willing to listen to her point of view as long as she lowered her voice and addressed me in a civil tone. Her agitated response was, "Stop talking over me!! That's what you do!! You're shouting!!" My mom is hard of hearing and "she" heard my sister from her (my Mom's) bedroom. Mom pleaded for us to stop fighting, and guess what? I told my mom, 'Okay! Sorry! Take care!" I turned on my heel and I left the house. I briefly glanced at my sister rearing up in her chair as I was leaving. Haha. She was JUST getting started with her tirade as I abruptly departed. So funny. When I got home, I called my mom to let her know I made it home safely. I could hear this sister fuming and fussing in the background. She is REALLY sick.

Finally realized my sister is one. It’s so unconscious that it’s tragic. A good wake-up call.

Isn't this video saying you know better than us on this subject? Sounds like you're saying a narcissist can't also be educated, because if not then they could actually know more.

"A narcissist doesn't care how you feel." Yet in another video about "outsmarting" a narcissist you basically say to not care how they feel.

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