narcissist videos

What's Predictable About Narcissists, And Why It Matters

Narcissists like to think they are unique or special, when in fact, their patterns can be quite predictable. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter identifies some of the most common attitudes and behaviors of narcissists, then explains how you can sidestep the shame they want to place on you. It is important to know that you are a player on the stage with a narcissist, but the script is the same whether it is you or someone else on the receiving end of their messages.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.

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Books by Dr. Carter:

Laura Charanza’s book:

While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can assist:

Dr. Carter’s online workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity:

Coffee mugs:

Dr. Carter’s other YouTube channel:



  • Mr. Indie

    Thanks again, Dr. C. I’ve come to realize that in the past 10 years, I’ve had 3 narcissists heavily involved in my life at the same time—my ex-boss, my ex-fiancé and my ex-“best friend”. Thanks to you, they’re all gone. I seem to be a magnet for these people. But, thank you, I love listening to your videos!

  • Popi Flower

    Omg you describe my narc husband perfectly. He is ALL that you describe and more. Its scary. He has 'declared' on many occassions "I AM JOHN JACOB SMITH AND IF YOU DONT FUCKEN LIKE IT YOU CAN FUCK OFF!" All rules dont apply to him. He's the man, the ruler and master and not afraid to say so especially when hes drinking. My narc husband absolutely hates human beings. He says we should be like animals. He questions why do people have to be assholes and the world would be a better place without them. But he just doesnt get it! He is prime example of cruelty, deceit, el3vated ego, lies, secretive, a married man but everything is his, nil empathy, self absorbed, only his feelings matter, paranoid, judgemental, aggressive, rants and raves, hysterical, violent, threatening, suicidal, suspicious. But also funny, charming and smart…he has many masks and unfortunately he chooses to expose all of these just for me. Dont get me wrong. Many a people have witnessed his temper because you know he's 'superior'. But he shares his lowest of ugly and evil just for me. For my eyes and ears only. Meanwhile, the outsiders like work mates, soccer, softball mates and their wives and girlfriends think he's a good fulla. One of the boys. But i cant leave. Not safely. His predictable nature would stalk me. I am his and thats that. Plus, he is a banker of my deepest secrets. Personal and private. Ive done nothing wrong but would humiliate me if he were to share so I am stuck. I have fantasised about leaving and living a life that is free of intimidation and mental mind games. Thats all I. want.

  • Offmy Meds

    I think I might have this. I was thinking I might be borderline, but could it be that I just would rather be borderline then a narcissist or a psychopath, so I view myself in the way that is less humiliating?

  • Larry Skwarczynski

    WHAT IS THERE IF THE single mom of a 9yr old and no father, ever , persuades the school officials and and all judges in texass after going through the 'court's drug school' and condemns the grandmom/mom with severe MF/FB HATE ETC. ETC IN FRONT OF THE CHILD! & treathened grandma life and brought her into poverty! And grandma doesnot want to loose her grandchild!?

  • Mark Connely

    @2:10 – so true! When things become confusing or I start to despair and lose hope, I remember to say "I don't know", to myself and to others, whenever I'm future-tripping or being asked to agree with something which I really, objectively, don't and/or can't know anything about, I remember to say "I don't know". I don't know what the future holds beyond the next few seconds; I don't know what other people think , what's in their minds or how they feel unless they tell me. I don't know what other people's motivations or desires are. There are a very few things I do know, but the vast majority of stuff I simply do not know. That's the truth, and getting myself aligned with that makes everything smoother.

  • Tracy McGrady

    So when they are dangerous and have people watching you? Have intimidated everyone and won't let you get on with your life! Stalk, harass and have friends on the force and in the bikers gang?! The threat to my life is real!

  • krazyntx Smittey

    Wow, wow & wow!!! I found this video just be chance as it somehow showed up in my "Recommended" list provided by YouTube even though I had never viewed another video concerning anything close to this subject, nothing on relationships, mental health, etc. It just popped up for some reason and I'm so glad that it did! Your list of 'ingredients" of what makes a narcissist predictable is great! I devoted 40 years of my life to someone who displayed each and every one of those "ingredients" and I could list several examples of their behavior for each one. In fact, more than one therapist and physician has told me that I should write a book about my experiences. One "ingredient" in particular is that "Life principles don't apply to them". Ever tried talking to a narcissist about honoring your personal "boundaries"? Turns out that their boundaries overlapped into mine and therefore, they were justified for everything that they did. Another one that you provided was "Wearing out relationships". That was very true but taking it a step further, this person wore out professional relationships with therapists, psychiatrists, and other medical doctors. Once they figured out that they could not "control" those medical professionals by getting them to agree 100% that all of their problems were due to other people, this person would drop them and then search for someone else who hopefully would agree with them. The narcissist that I knew for all those years finally agreed to take medication but ONLY because they wanted to be able to cope with everyone else's problems and NOT because they wanted to improve themselves!


    I feel like I've picked up narcissistic traits by being in a relationship with a covert. Anger mismanagement, lashing out, name calling, etc.
    I've resorted to silent treatment to maintain my inner peace and not lash out.
    Now I'm to the point of…walking away.
    The crazy thing is, I KNOW that that is exactly the reaction needed to keep up the facade and supply, but I still let it get to me and frustrate me more than I should.
    I'm probably right to be forming an exit strategy, but I'm very sad about it at the same time. Despite how often I get accused of not caring (because I have a career and children to think about and cannot give anyone or anything 100% of my attention), I actually form very deep bonds within myself, and I still care about someone even though I've concluded I'm dealing with a covert that talks good talk but really doesn't care that much about me.
    Is that crazy? WTF.

  • Charlotte Forbes

    I have been stuck in an abusive professional relationship with a narcissist. I could not agree more with the point that narcissists will NOT accept responsibility for any of their faults in a relationship. Everything is your fault, your fault, your fault until it hurts. These people will manipulate you for whatever reason they deem to be fit. They possess very little empathy, and they will not see your side of the situation no matter how hard you try to reason with them. Oh my goodness I wish we were all exposed to this type of education about NPD earlier on.

  • luise 11 11 Pisces

    I do think there is a distinction between toxic people and narcissists,toxic people have bad behaviours but you can help these types of people and they can change once they learn or understand,but a narcissist omg they are soul destroying people and do not think anything is wrong with them,I have experienced both kinds.take care people and look after you.

  • Elena Dikareva

    Thank you, I feel enquired after watching your channel. I'm going through custody and financial settlement with a narcissist. It is quite ugly, I am remaining calm and it is pissing him off. Any ideas on how to show to the judge the truth?

  • Allotta Reading

    I have watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me greatly to understand the psychology of narcissism. I am very grateful to have discovered your channel. It has opened my eyes and in many ways helped me to free myself from the machinations of a loved one with this disorder. However, I wish you would do at least an episode where you empathize with the narcissist rather than just vilify them. You sort of did it in this episode where you explain a bit about the hurt these people carry through life. I find this really helpful because I can understand what is motivating the narcissist to do what they do. I don't know if such a person can be healed. They would have to confront a lot of their fear and anxiety and it would take a very brave person to peer that deeply into the abyss, or into the face of the monster within. Which of course is something we all dread, to a greater or lesser degree. But it would be very helpful for me if you could construct a human picture of the narcissist. A man or a woman who is, tragically, locked into a perpetual childhood nightmare. Their behaviour would be so much simpler to understand. I think so anyway. It also distresses me that so many of the comments that people make regarding narcissism are themselves so lacking in empathy. I believe that empathy is our greatest defence against narcissism. When we lose that facility to understand and care about others, we are descending into the same anxious and emotionally-hellish world which the narcissist inhabits. This is what I believe anyway. I think that we can only combat all of this emotional manipulation by retaining our own sense of integrity and compassion. By remaining true to who we are. So this is why I am asking if you could do an episode that delves into the motivating factors behind this dreadfully inhibiting disorder. I think that your insights would be very enlightening. Through watching these videos, I have come to understand what narcissism is and how to be aware of people exhibiting these personality traits. (I am greatly in fear that I might have some of these traits myself!) I now realise that several significant people in my life probably have this disorder. I can't help but feel sorry for them, even though their behaviour towards me – and others – has been quite despicable. This is not the same thing as wanting to rescue them. But I truly feel sorry for someone who has to live with this condition. One of these people whom I suspect of having this disorder recently told me that she never feels lonely. Or alone. But she has a constant, overwhelming sense of feeling lost. That is awful, don't you think? Anyway thank you again for all the work you have done on this subject. I think it is immensely valuable.

  • Angela Carleton

    Thank you, Dr. Les Carter, for your view on the predictability of Narcissists and why it matters. Although, I lived with these family members that were narcissist I also believe some were also "sociopaths" because they were always scheming like the time my NPD mom and my stepdad – had stopped at my cousin's house but it wasn't for social call but to set up a planned to self-destruct their automobile so while they are visiting the alarm of the car would indicate a wired problems and the car caught on fire! They wanted to make "easy money" from the automobile insurance company instead of getting a decent job or two jobs to get by. Always a schemer unethical person that won't work to solve their financial problems. Most of my family have passed away but I still have one NPD a half brother that refuses to accept "no" from me and I've had my fill of them so I block him off. After so many years of dealing with them I don't want to see, hear or smell them around me anymore!

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