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What happens if you reject a narcissist?



What happens if you reject a narcissist?

When you’ve been involved with a narcissist in a toxic relationship, you may know that they don’t take rejection well.

Between the narcissistic injury and the narcissistic rage that is sure to ensue after being rejected by a source of narcissistic supply, you’re almost guaranteed a certain amount of misery when you reject someone with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).

In today’s vlog, I’ll fill you in on the details of what happens when you reject a narcissist and what you can do about it.

Learn more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery at http://queenbeeing.com.

Visit http://narcissisticabuserecovery.online to schedule a one-on-one coaching appointment with me.

Take my free 5-day email course designed for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com or visit http://booksangiewrote.com to check out my books.

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40 Comments

  • S M

    Well after breaking NC many times,only for him to go back to his bad behaviors I finally rejected him. Oh boy was he mad. !!He d call me numerous times leave me voice mails. Come to My work place. I didn't budge. His stalking stopped gradually. And haven't seen him ever since. Oh btw yeah he cursed me out many times. And blamed me for the break up and I was the reason he was sleeping around. I had to stick to my decision( can't argue with a narc ) . To save my sanity no more contact.

  • Adam Vance

    When I told mother to stop talking badly about me to my wife and to keep her inheritance (which she used as a way to control, threatening to take me from it should I not "behave") and to leave me alone, it was a full meltdown. First it was calling and going off on my wife. Next, it was my aunt, my cousin and family friends that got a mouthful and contacted me telling me I needed to reach out to her. She told the family my abuse will cause her early death and that she doesn't want me to know about her death. Next it was disowning my four children. They have each had a birthday and the first time in their lives she didn't send them a card or call. It shows just how ill she actually is and I'm actually happy with that because she won't be able to manipulate them and involve them into the toxicity.

  • Gwyneth Von Thunderthighs

    This will probably go unoticed, but I want to make a point about my abuser, for years they emptionallly tormented me and intellectually bullied me. they made me feel like shit. But they figured out a trick they narcs WILL use and they used it against me. FALSE reports to police and accusations. Now, How I got to that stage was that i was completely broken down and dependant on the place i lived and the narcs support to help me live day to day. They would threaten to cut me off and make me homless if I didn't comply and it would tap into my lizard brain response of fight or flight. Now at one point they realised they could make a call to police and say anything and the police would HAVE to respond. The first time they did this it was a false acusation I had pushed them down the stairrs. With no witnesses to back up the claim and it being thier home and thier word against mine can you see where the power lay? I was subjected to brutal police removal and the crocodile tears were so see through to me but enough for the police to enforce based on thier word alone and flase claim and good acting that these things were happening. With no 3rd party to see what was going on I was going mad in fact that was when i knew what madness was. They got more and more bold with thier claims and eventually the police would be called at he drop of a hat. I had a job interview one day and the very night before they started a control drama by drinking heavily and attacking me with very silent words until I reacted and subjected to abuse and then the dreaded check mate game of calling police and after lots of practice make up some new story. The police would come they would take their word over mine I would be arrested subjected to humilation and then have to grovel to come back to a place that was a nightmare for me to live. In this way they managed to build up a very credible smear campaign against me to turn my name into mud. never underestimate how clever the narc is or the games they play its all thought out and a control drama. I Know you covered smear campaigns as well but I had to point out that for any reason any time the police must respond. It was when they started to self harm and then call police and say I had commited a crime that my life really went to shit. Eventually though hey snapped, they attacked me physically a BIG mistake. and police for the first time asked me to push charges. now inside me after all the lies and pain they caused I wanted nothing more that to put them through the horrible degrading acts the police put me through every time they were called under bodus claims. And with a building record of my supposed abuse it ended up being a very clear case of, I am th ebad guy, they were the good guy. I didn't push charges I told them I wouldnt put them through what i had been through EVEN though I was covered from head to toe in bruses.

    And here is where I lost control. I should have pushed those charges. Eventually after another abusive day, another long week of abuse and one very bad night out which eneded in my being sexually assualted I came back to the that horrible and nasty place of fear. But I had nowhere else to go. That was the moment they did it all again and I was faced with another police waggon and humilation abuse, after that night that week, that day and that game played on me one too many times. I snapped. And I hurt them this time. I hurt them physically, I took a step to becoming them monster they had been trying to poant me out as for years and as soon as I did that, it was all they needed to point, and say see I told you so, i TOLD EVERYONE that YOU are the ''real'' monster. I can't take back what I did that day, and I tried to commit suicide, My life was in ruins anyway, my name ruined the life i had ruined and then on top of it now I had become an dabuser myself. I failed that night, and every night after has been a struggle that I cant win. When I think about the injustice of what was done of how many years of abuse I went rhough, I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel and then just like that, it was gone. and i was in complete darkness with no way out. And honestly every day I wake up I Know that no matter what, i can't change what was done to me, or how i reacted but i know, and this is how they win. I know they are sitting at home laughing at me at how well the orcestrated my demise and how badly my life has been ruined. yes they wanted my to cimmit suiced too I even realise that that was the end game all along too. to push me to the point where I would kill myself , the perfect crime. except not perfect, Because in that night I found a reason to live, just to live, to expereince life, it was buddha who got me thrugh, his teaching got me through and i found a meaning in my suffering even though I know they dont suffeer at all. and that is what i realised too, afterwards, being homless and hungry and near death and nearly dying of hypothermia, they walked past me and laughed ''HOWS DEATH!'' they uttered. And I realised hat this was even greater for them too. To have me homless hungry dying a failed suicied a ruined life while they sip champagne from thier glasses and mock me from thier ''better life''

    it's sad but true that at every stage I knew i was being manipulated, I knew I was giving them all the tools to defeat me, and yet I couldnt do a thing about it i was helpless like a pawn in thier game. petty or stupid or sadists doesnt matter for them, I was the target and mission complete!

    And as I write this I know how darkness can cover you and consume you and make yu into a mosnter too, i lay awake at night and all i want is revenge. While they kicked me when i was down so i couldnt get back up as they laughed. I waned to give it back to them 10 fold and worse and then I reaslised. the more those thoughts enter my mind the more i become the monster they want me to be and not the person i am. not who I want to be, but what they molded and made me to be so they could have a bad guy to fight.

    these and other videos help me in some way gain back the shreds of sanity and dignity and self worth they stripped from me that day aand the years before and they assualts that went unoticed. and the scars unseen. I've been non contact now for only 2 months in what was a 14 years cycle of abuse that i thought would never end. and I'm starting to feel myself again. Little by little. And then they fear kicks in, what are they plotting next, how big is thier network because I know they had freinds who helped facless people I never knew but who knew me and would manpilate for them. I even found a tape of a freind of hers saying she worked as a nurse and could even find me in hosptial when i was sections under the mental health act. another victory for them. Knowing how deep they went to hurt me. scares meevery day. i live in fear. and i know how weak i am too. against their manipulations and thier mental and emtoional abuse .

    Anyway, thank you, to who every reads this. i hope this helps, in anyway. if you are a survivor, and you are going through something simular. and you feel like the world is against you and your name is ruined and ou life and you have no refuge or safe place. please know. you are not alone. you are not to blame. you were just another target for them and victim a notch on thier belf of perfect crimes. but if you can. even just a little. fight back. what hurts a narc more than anything is thier perfect score is not perfect if you can expose even a fraction of thier lies. a crack in the mask for them is worse than anything. fight back but try try try and i cannot say this enough try not to hurt them phsycially as much as you want to, as much as your blood boils and the injustice of years of abuse fills you mind DONT TAKE THAT STEP! don't give them what they want, don't feed them, as hard as it is and you will hurt more especially when you know they deserve it. but remmeber. Mr miagi from karate kid. pinch thier nose, dont break it and then walk away and dont look back. heal your wounds, get stronger and leave those toxic people out of your life they dont deserve to be a aprt of it, anyone who truly loves you would never hurt you on the levels they hurt you. all they care about is how well they can orchestrate how people SEE you and the lies they tell.

    dont let them win

  • Sinstar33

    My ex cut my exhaust on my car, half way, where we once fixed it. Made it so it'd eventually blow out. It was to "undo" what he fixed. Just happened this week. There's no way to prove it to the police. 😡

    What's worse is that after 8 years, my nephews and niece still want "Uncle —–" around. 😖

    WTH?!

    I NEED a restraining order, but trying to find a way to get it is almost impossible. He's sneaky as hell. He's not texting/calling/he blocked me on FB. He's smart about this. What he's doing is getting in my sisters ear. 😞

    I'm the one that ended it. I'm in post trauma therapy (EMDR) and took back my power. Told him I'd had enough. He finally left. He knows I'm so happy without him. He's lashing out.

  • Jessie Wattenhofer

    Unfortunately my narc works at the same place I live so I see him every day. He started ignoring me a year ago after he ghosted me and discarded me. He still makes a special effort to ignore me. I have gotten good at going all the way no contact. I still wish he would acknowledge me at least 1x after all this time. He flatters my next door neighbor all the time and she gets sucked into it. Even if I try to bring it to her attention he did that with me too it seems to go over her head. I think your right when you say the new supply gets offended. That isn't my intent. I don't like him getting the ego booster when he flatters her. I continue to watch your videos because they help remind me he's not worth bothering with. I forget a lot of times and am still disappointed he turned out to be such a jerk. As time goes on things subside but still wish he would just acknowledge me just once.

  • Butterfly Whispers Paranormal Heidi

    hank you for ur videos, I just left my narc two days ago. ur help g me so much. I don't want to get into my ghorry details in chat but listening to ur vlogs I know I dealt with narc ass for 8 yrs. But I'm done. he verbally attacked me on father's day at one point he was ok with the plans that day and then he flipped his switch on me and went off on me. definitely saw how he was trying to control what outside friendships I was having and he acted like I was taking time from him. ah poor baby. he has alienated me from my children and now other friends and my parents too. after my punishment from him he gave me the silent treatment all that nite and was gone the next morning thinking he was going to further punish me and quite the opposite I saw that as my chance to escape and all this happened only two weeks post a surgery I just had and I'm not even healed from that yet. Please respond to me obviously I need help and what is best form of help I can get for myself to find myself again. Thank you

  • pri vacy

    He knew he abused me AGAIN and fake "cried" after hours of raging at me AGAIN: texted me a week later and NEVER apologizes EVER – NOTHING gets addressed. He's abusive in every way and that's it. Won't change.

  • Heather Commisso

    When I distanced myself from my Narc he ruined my life for a very very long time. He had me arrested on false charges. He said I attacked him. Truth was he was monitoring every movement I made, would not let me talk to friends or family, would answer my phone, would not let me study in groups in college, wanted me to drop out of school. I couldn't leave his side…because he knew I was stopped "worshipping" him after I caught him writing a graphically detailed story, with me as the main character, being brutally gang raped. He had very sick sexual thoughts and called me a prude because I said they were scary and I couldnt trust him. (thats where the smirk came in when he "cried" without tears to apologize). Long story short…I wound up being beat up by the cops because he said I hit him. NO…i pushed him off of me….as he screamed and shoved me in the corner because he thought I was flirting with the waiter at a restaurant for his birthday. I had to pick out the PERFECT dessert that didn't have the most fat because he couldn't ruin his GOD BODY! My advice…if you are not going to WORSHIP them….walk away…because they will rage out and totally REVENGE out as well. Found out 3 years later I had Complex PTSD from the POS

  • Linda Currie

    I had a neighbor that I rejected and he went wild. He made my life a living hell for many months. Whenever I was at home I hid inside, curtains drawn and started packing all of my stuff. It took me 4 or 5 months but when I finally found a new apartment I hired professional movers and then one Saturday moved away. Happily for me he left me alone (he knew where I worked) and I heard he was bothering other women in the courtyard. I knew him as a neighbor for 8 years and he had never displayed the slightest interest in me other than as a neighbor, but when he flipped it was beyond belief the things he did. I am beginning to think now that I was traumatized by the event.

  • MAX

    My XYZ would notice big time that people doubted him, not so much reject but doubt. He was so familiar with this it was eery. Very early he accused me of 'starting with that'. There was a 'that'?! And in the distress, he mixed up my name with someone else's. It was sad because I thought quite highly of him. It scared me off.

  • Richard Salazar

    I rejected my narcissistic girlfriend in a bold manner. First I rejected her while we were having sexual relations. I put it that way because for the last few years we had sex, just to get off. No love in it, I didn't feel like it was love making sex, and I damned surely knew she didn't love me. Anyway right in the middle of it, I jumped up and said " This sucks, I am done you can do yourself." And then I got up and left.

    Then a few days later I just went grey rock on her. I totally ignored her, acted like she was not even there. Drove her nuts. I kept that up for a couple of days.
    Finally I straight up told her that I am done with her and I know that she is a narcissist. I'm done, I want nothing to do with her again. I told her that I would kill her if she tried anything again to hurt me. BTW , in our past she has poured gasoline all over me when I tried to leave her, and she had a lite cigarette at the time. She came at me another time with a meat clever, I threw her a butcher knife and told her she was going to need that too, now bring it. Both times the cops came and took her away.
    Now for this last time she told me that I had better keep my bedroom door locked, cuz she was going to get me, and that she has a gun. I think she was more frightened of me than I was of her. She called the cops and told them that she was in fear for her life. A funny thing happened, after talking to her for a few minutes, the cops told me that she needs to leave and don't come back or she will go to jail. The officer said she was nuts and she is dangerous and she needs to leave now.
    That was 2 1/2 months ago and I have not heard a word from her or any of her haram. Thanks for sharing and listening to me.

  • אפרת כרמלי

    Angie, thank you for the important and correct information that you give us. it is very helpful. Please Angie can you speak a bit slower? You speak to people all over the world, and English is not their first language, sometimes when you speak so fast you swallow the words and it's a pitty because the information that you give is very important. Thank you so much. Efrat.

  • Ellie Davison

    Skype messages and a call. So I listen and he presents a horrible masogenistic rant about his cleaning lady and her bits. Groas rape remark. urrggghhh. I told him it was not my place to give him a character assassination. That I would not put up with his vile thoughts about women and I was done listening to that . He soon got off the topic as he usually side tracks. He asked where I'd been the last month. Was I in rehab. I just remarked how funny he was. Normally these things pushed my buttons. He tried to draw me into being a third party to manipulate the cleaning lady with tails of his self pity and how he needs help. So I said apart from I was out of time. That he needed to discuss it with her and only her. To type it up and ask her to read it as she is not from our country. For the first time ever in 18 years. he dropped the call saying he had to go. Mirroring what I had said about being out of time. They have plenty time when it suits them. I'm using grey rock effectively. It takes practice. Getting there. Still next to no contact. Learning to live narc free isn't easy but can be done. Thanks angie

  • Chilliy -

    The last time I rejected my narc he got his friend to write to me and ask how I know my narc..I told his friend that we use to be In a relationship but his friend kept writing that my ex did not know who I was 😜 So thats what my narc tells his new friends…He block me and later unblock me and ask to see me..Why? He don't know who I am 😊

  • chellybabyme

    Thank you so much. You've been helping me for the last 2 weeks. He doesn't know that I am a real person. I have to remind myself that I am. It's tough. He's on the spectrum of narcissism but he's not a whole narcissist. He's definitely not violent. But he gets cranky and stoic for no reason. I used to tell myself that he was an Italian Moody person. But I'm never going to be treated the way I deserve to be treated by him, even though sometimes more often than not he's great. But I never go Thanksgiving dinner in three years to his family. Yuck. I'm better than that. Rather be all alone always been all alone sometimes and happy sometimes. I don't want anybody. Nobody is worth me. I give up on any other person. I was celibate for 20 years before him. Loved it. When my daughters went away to school, the peripheral relationship we had was usurped by him constantly asking me to spend time with him and I gave in. This is my fourth Thanksgiving and no invitation. And his family, when I see them, like me. He's moody to everybody though. Not just me. They just ignore him. But I'm involved in a different way, it hurts my feelings. So that has to stop now. Thank you so much for being honest.

  • Kii Seishun

    My work has been great about keeping the narc away. I rejected him, he got mad, I had to hide in the women's bathroom to call HR on him. The company put me in a hotel, I am so glad I texted my brother about the stuff the narc was doing, do it's time and date stamped, including putting his hand on my knee, saying "I'm glad you're here", he tried calling me "babe" And I went off on him. Reminding him I am not his girlfriend and not to call me that.. then he got mad. He knows he is in deep trouble, so keep you posted. He's 71.. And I am 53, so gross !!

  • Diane DeVaul

    I rejected mine with some harsh words. It was the only time I ever saw an angry reaction from him. And I blocked him on everything. It has now been over 40 days no contact. I have no idea what is going on with him and no longer care. I have been hoovered once but hope I am now strong enough and educated on the abuse enough to not fall for it again should it happen. I will be moving to another state in a matter of months where I won't have to worry about him knocking on my front door.

  • Jenny LaPierre

    My ex husband is a huge narcissist. Even the doctors told him plus a sociopath. I after three years of getting "beet" down, I finally found a way to leave safely with my kids. Haven't looked back. 2 years later I find a guy. Dated only a week and seen he was a narcissist too! I picked up on it so fast because after I left my ex husband I started to study narcissist people. Before him I never even heard the word narcissist before. Anyways reason I picked up on it so fast is the way he reminded me of my ex plus the studying I done. So he's gone. I'm done with men all together.

  • alcudiababe1

    You know we tell ourselves that he or she probably didn't love us so he or she shouldn't be that upset.
    Then again, as I hear you speak, that we are narcissist supply so I'm guessing that they will see it as a wound to their ego and Im guessing they will stop at nothing to get you back – or will want to in their words destroy you. Something like, if I can't have you no 1 will???

  • Michelle Lee

    I called the police at 12 on my alcoholic emotionally tortuously abusive stepdad and I’ll never forget what they told me.. “just go along with what he says since you’ll be here until 18” I was floored. I finally got my voice and that was the result. But I got away at 14 and ended up happier in a group home. As an adult I’ve entered relationships that ended up being relationships I should’ve left on day one. I’ve learned the hard way like many others. Inner healing is key for strength and growth. Knowing there’s people who purposely hurt others weighs heavy on my soul. But it’s a fact. It’s reality. And it sucks. But that’s THEIR issue.

  • Gerald Green

    My ex gf Narc….she dumped me…but I'm doing great!!! Moved away…turned my locater off…I got a new job and I'm gone…blocked her on Social media…I know she has a new supply..but it's not ME……sorry guy?

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