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Trauma Abuse Recovery–Coming Out of Denial For Our Own Sake



Narcissistic abuse, sexual abuse, as well as emotional abuse, are terribly difficult to heal from. Many of us are in denial about just how bad our abuse has been. Healing will require us to learn how to let go, but not many of us know how to do so.

I wanted to highlight a letter from a Youtube viewer who was struggling with accepting their life just the way it is now. They want things to change and are confused because they realize to move forward they must first accept exactly where they are today. Because they are unhappy where they are, they are afraid that accepting where they are, implies things won’t change.

The mind is very clever. If all you have known is abuse your entire life, your mind simply does not know how to seek anything outside the box the mind is. It would take an expansion of consciousness to be able to move beyond a current crappy life experience because the brain naturally associates pain with the unknown. Leaving an abusive relationship, for example, is terrifying because the brain has no data for what to expect once the relationship ends.

To move forward, surrendering to what is allows our limbic brain to relax and not fear so much seeing our reality for what it really is. Once our fear of seeing our reality for what it really is subsides it will be easier to consider other options.

Surrender is one of the first steps to letting go of our pain so we can raise our vibrations, integrate, and move forward in our lives without holding onto the past.

Children of narcissistic parents, who are now suffering from codependency symptoms, may be struggling to learn how to love themselves after narcissistic abuse. Narcissists tend to attract people pleasers, or codependent personalities. Because codependents are eager to please, because they seek outside validation, they are easy targets for narcissistic lovers, and friends.

It is not easy to learn how to love yourself after narcissistic abuse, but with the right codependency recovery tools it is possible. It is even possible to find love after codependency.

Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach, bestselling author, and mentor. She is also the creator of the expert praised 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program.

Her books are;
The Road Back To Me
My Road Beyond The Codependent Divorce
Codependent Now What? It’s Not You-It’s Your Programming
Loving the Self Affirmations 1 & 2
Quantum Tools To Help You Heal Your Life Now
Codependent Now What? It’s Not You-It’s Your Programming

To learn more about Lisa A. Romano please visit https://www.lisaaromano.com

https://www.lisaaromano.com/node/268

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34 Comments

  • Kailyn Bowman

    Hi Lisa, I absolutely love your videos. Your videos, I believe, are the most powerful and healing content on youtube. I have already learned so much from you. There is one thing that I was hoping you would be able to answer for me, and hopefully anyone else who is going through something similar. Since the end of my relationship with a narcissist and a shocking realization that my father is a sociopath, I have FINALLY opened my eyes to the subtle abuse I have been subjected to all my life. That being said, during my healing journey, I have had to let go of a lot of toxic people in my life. The only person I can really trust is my mother, but even she is codependent, so often times she is in denial herself. I feel like I am the only one I know that is waking up to the world, and while it is great, it is also very LONELY. I am worried that the more I grow as a person, the less people I have to interact with. It seems that a lot of people are "sleeping".

    Do you have anything to add on this? I really don't want to feel that the more I heal, the less people I have to share my life with.

    Thanks!

    Keep doing what you do best 🙂

  • Ania R R Sanches

    I come from a disfunctional home reason why I left home at 18 … Now I'm 33 , both my parents died and I'm stuck in this awful stop and go relationship with a f# manipulator narcisist… since I started to watch these videos and realised wtf was going on.. Forever thankful !!!! ❤

  • Carleen Cwalk-it

    Hello Lisa, Thank you for this video. You explained my past childhood trauma of being sexually, emotionally and physically abused by my Step Father, my Mother is still married to this man. She never believed me and turned on me instead since I was a small child. I used to run away from the feelings and fear I experienced as a child. Id use xanax to numb it out. Now I am off the xanax and FEEL the emotions I felt as a child in the form of panic attacks. I surrendered to the emotional discomfort and I am very tired and exhausted. It is very hard to do but I am finally doing it. My mother had deprived me of love and of her for ever. I am still trying to find a way to make peace with it.

  • regina hehir

    Lisa can I ask u would u know how to forgive someone who
    Abused u as a child till adult hood u then met an abuser and had your kids and he taught them to abuse their mother when u wake up and realise your parent caused this abuse and u to loose everything important to you and the hurts are so bad how do u forgive the person who's sorry when your left with the damage they caused

  • J Romeo

    Lisa, I am in my second year of a recovered life after a lifelong cycle of abuse, neglect, abandonment. Thank you so much for all of what you are giving to those seeking help, answers and recovery. Your videos have truly helped me to open my eyes and change the course of direction in which to not only exist in but thrive. Your work, your purpose is a positive beacon for those in the midst of confusion.
    Thank you, sincerely.

  • Sun66 Flower

    there are two types of shame – one that people place on you (which is toxic shame), by saying you are doing a shameful thing, eg getting a divorce, (that is just a simple example) ….. and there is the internal shame, that you hold yourself too, eg; I feel ashamed for yelling at my kids, or for stealing, (that is healthy shame), it navigate you to not do it next time because of how it made you feel. No one should make you feel shame for being YOU.
    that maze you described Lisa I loved it, it helped me understand when I counselor said you are in survival mode…

  • Ndi Babe

    You are helping so much because I am also suffering from anxiety and the shrink here is not helping much. I am only going there because I need company to heal. But you are the one that is helping my mind to heal.

  • Trauma Talk

    It is so important to recognize our abuse before we can do anything about it…so often it is so difficult for us survivors to do that. But once that step is taken, amazing doors can be open. I am so sorry for all you went through – but so glad to hear that you are on your healing journey, too!

  • Nadia Sparkling

    When you listed the things that i had to accept.. I teared.. Its been 2 years since my awakening.. Now i can receive this message even after watching it many times.. Maybe because i have observed long enough and taken the time to see and feel

  • KAREN pampas

    Lisa you are awesome! You have helped me so much! I feel hopeful that I can have a good life for the first time in my 60 years on the planet. Thank you so much for your videos! I am continuing to learn and breaking out of the negative patterns I received from my programming.
    Thank you so much for what you Do!
    Kvp

  • Claudia Bothner

    What do when it resulted in ongoing traumas as an unhealed grown-up, and when the abuse come from authority/officials?The new hiding ways of withholding information, their intentions, and when they use one's info against one unrightfully, twisting and deceiving? Ignoring rules ands laws? Take one's home breaking one's nerve function as well, then taking one's savings and bank account, very very small sick pension? And the lawyer deceptive but frightening me with anger when I address it, and i am long-term severely sleep-deprived and unable to think, function and use my capacities? Childhood is gone, but I need sleep and safety, my home and money back, am severely sick and need stop of the dangerous stress/fear of constant uncertainty. Please help.

  • Aliana Jacobs

    Thanks for this video It helps me cope with my abuse. There are days where I feel like I can take on anything but today it doesn't feel like that. I feel empty unmotivated and just want to fall asleep never to wake up. I feel kinda hopeless, all I can do is cry and feel sorry for myself because no else ever said that it's not my fault and all I can do is try to feel empathy for myself. The hardest thing for me now is to accept it and let go of the anger. I am always angry and it consumes me, it's draining my energy.I am just trying to get through day by day.

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