narcissist videos

THE NARCISSIST’S MISUSE OF POWER, AND TWO BETTER ALTERNATIVES



Sure enough, narcissists seem to win because of their persistent use of power to force you into subordination. In the long run, though, few people want to be in relationship with them. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter explores their misuse of power, then identifies two traits that can become the foundation for your life away from the narcissist.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist with 38 years experience. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions. He lives and practices in the Dallas, Tx. area.

Dr. Carter’s books: https://store.bookbaby.com//bookshop/book/index.aspx?bookURL=When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing-Me
https://www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-You-Killing-Me/dp/1543935125

Laura Charanza’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Ugly-Love-Survivors-Story-Narcissistic-ebook/dp/B07FZ6NPKW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533043537&sr=8-1&keywords=9781543933888

Dr. Carter’s online workshop on narcissism: http://marriagepath.com/lifeshop-youre-not-the-boss-of-me/

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46 Comments

  • M Barger

    SO MUCH TRUTH! Our daughter dealt with one for almost 2 years. Wish we'd listened to those that warned us in the beginning. If you're a young lady in a relationship with someone like this – RUN! They won't change. You're only headed down a destructive road. So thankful to get our daughter back. She was being destroyed before our eyes and we were the fools dealing with a fool

  • C C

    mine loved me, but he couldn't fight his inherent urge to dominate me by fucking with my head or cheating or lying. You know?We had stretches of good times, I never lied to him or exploited him. I just loved him. he looked SO GUILTY. I was steady and constant, besides my anxiety that honestly has disappeared since I left him finally.

    that's when I realized it was a pathology, a real pathology. it's how he is. I didn't cause it.

    he needs a woman who will never question him or call him out. I feel sad for the next woman.

    but yeah even when times were good, and I'm telling you I was a steady rock for him, he said I brought him comfort. I only told him two lies. one out of spite after I caught him in a lie, then I fessed up immediately and apologized. the other was a white lie regarding my sexual past experiences. big whoop. I never lied or did anything against his best interest.

    good luck finding that again.how exhausting.

    it's like even when things were calm and normal between us, affectionate, you could feel the inner turmoil coming to a boil, he NEEDED to stir it up, he could NOT HANDLE LOVE.

    these ppl do not know what to do with love so they destroy it.

  • de-jane niles

    My daughter goes into shutdown real bad.
    Will totally ignore you and try make you feel awkward. This can go on for an hour or more.
    I've learn't to ignore it and keep talking to my grandsons.
    God knows what it's done to there heads but they seem to treat it as "normal" now.
    It's really demonic!

  • Sarita Evans

    Could anyone help me with a question regarding my friend who is in a very manipulative controling verbal emotional abusive marriage. She has no one no support network or family that loves or cares for her. She reached out to me at a desperate vulnerable time in her life as she felt she was mentally going insane. Once she just disappeared and I text called went to her house wondering where she was and her husband refused to answer me. I was about to file a missing persons report on her when her mother, who was very abusive toward her growing up and still too this day, sent me a text and said she went to rehab. When she returned she had major memory loss and was consumed by fear. She was scared to even walk outside and talk to me. She thought I was going to harm her or cause her family problems. My heart went out to her and all i wanted was to help her. Her husband had no interest in her mental state or how she had changed. He actually sent me a text that said, "Our paths once again diverge so go live your life and pretend Amber had died of a drug overdose." His text really worried. And scared me for her safety. She has battled addiction all her life and he has never done a drug or drank alcohol but he would reward her and buying her drugs and alcohol. She is totally dependant on him for everything and he tells her if she ever leaves she will never be able to see her kids again. They have 2 children boy 5 and girl 7. She is a good mother but he has made her believe she is worthless and a bad/ toxic mother. Her children love her very much. She has went to a few rehabs since I've known her and her husband claims if she was drug and alcohol free they could be a great family but he is always waiting there with alcohol or drugs as soon as she gets home from rehab. He has always wanted her to go to a long term facility for a year or 2. I spoke to her about a month ago and she was ready to leave him then the next day she wanted to see me and told me she wa going to the long term rehab. I was kind of shocked i thought to myself he has won he has threatened her with the children so she found that it was her only option. I ask her where she was going and she said south and quickly changed the subject. So she is gone and no one but Him knows where she is. Is that legal?? Her mom has called him everyday asking about her wanting to talk to her but he refuses to let her know anything other than she is ok. I thought it would be good for her to get away from him and maybe build her confidence up again but apparently he talks to her everyday so he still has total control over her. How can her mother or I as a friend find out where she is?? Her mother's health is bad and she sees her mistakes now more than ever but she can't talk nor see her daughter because of her controlling husband. Is there any laws anyway to make him have to tell her mother her location?? He tells her over and over again he is the only one that cares for her and loves her look at everything he has done for her and put up with from her. No one would do that for her but Him because or better or worse till death do we part their marriage vowels. Again how can her mother find out where she is legally??? Is there anyway to make him tell her??

  • Tink Boyce

    Do you have any videos about sex addiction and narcissist because my last boyfriend nearly did me in and I'm in bad shape. The clues to his sex addiction were so numerous with prostitutes and was men and side chicks and he's almost 60 and it actually seems unbelievable to me and nobody else believes me because there's so many …hundreds. and if I question him about any of it and all of the Hangouts and the motel lookups and all of the weird phone numbers the Google Maps with like a bowl of Lucky Charms with so many hearts and stars. If I question him about it he was yell at me and this last time he gave me a concussion when he threw a large magnifying glass with my head and that's just for questioning him. His family is now tormenting me because of course everything is all my fault and now I see the Continuum of narcissism because my first husband was somewhat narcissistic but this one was very malignant and very covert at first but it was the sex addiction that got me I just don't see how somebody can keep up with that, but every time I went to work he went to work being a casino a con man. he loved oral sex almost exclusively and made me feel undesirable as a woman, I suspect his sexuality learned more towards homosexuality, but acted homophobic. he said I'm just crazy and everybody thinks I'm crazy . it's the worst experience I've ever had and I've had some bad ones

  • Private Private

    Because my personal situation is somewhat manageable and I understand that is different from many other’s, I’m able to deal with my narcissistic mother minimally. I well-understand this is not the case for many though.

    For my situation, I don’t live with my mother and I don’t call her anymore. We only speak when she calls me. I try to keep the conversation as brief as possible but, I always try to sound helpful, cooperative and like I’m there for her, providing her with a false sense of control, power and providing her with little knowledge that, if I had things my way, and I’m actually working towards that, I would absolutely disappear and tell the authorities that I do not wish to be found. That way, she at least feels that she still has almost as much access to me as she always has. Most importantly, that there is not a wall between us that she feels she has got to kick down to be in power.

    I’ve always said that even healthy-minded people often don’t push against things when there isn’t a wall, perceived or real. This, in a way, is the reason for commercial advertisements. It is to attract you with the honey of the often superficial, when there is the vinegar of just making a buck.

    But, do not be fooled. My mother has pulled some stunts during the past few months. While I may seem gentle and kind to her, if she crosses my boundaries, I’m prepared to slip the rug right out from under her and I won’t hesitate to do so, if she attempts or is successful at stomping all over my boundaries again. I have learned exactly who I’m dealing with, why things have and are turning out the way they are and I am simply walking softly – while carrying a big stick.

  • Kathy Rosenmeyer

    This is helpful from a cognitive perspective. What is missing is the Narcissist's predatory instinct to find our most defended wounds. We can only find our own loving and humble centers by healing those wounds, otherwise we are a puppet for the narcissist to use for their own needs.

  • Jillian Smith

    It took me several tries over several years to properly break away from my NPD mother.  My biggest problem was I felt far too much politeness and caring and concern and humility and, yes, love toward her.  I finally had to stop being so downtrodden and grow a spine.  I realized if she was "just" a friend, I'd  never speak to her again.  Finally, I got some written proof (a copy of one of her smear campaign letters to a relative) and broke it off for good.  And it has been for good.  4 1/2 years later and I feel a thousand times better in every way.  Whatever else happens, I will never go back, and this is the right decision.  I gave up my inheritance, my main family member, and a lifetime of habits and just everything…and I gained myself.

  • Shellie Larrick

    Absolutely beautiful!! You are speaking truth and life! Thank you so much. God continue to bless the wise counsel you are giving. You have been used powerfully to completely set me free from the lies of a narcissist in my life. I feel so empowered by truth. Thank you!

  • Angelina WMG Souren

    Thank you, thank you thank you for taking this approach. There are so many resources out there, also by clinical psychologists and so on, that almost make you feel like a complete idiot for wanting to choose, say, the gentle approach. (I have made many mistakes in that regard. It almost makes me wish that I had never learned a thing about narcissistic personality disorder.)

  • Sherri M

    Fear and power are partners. It's not a good combination. This opened my eyes. I used to hear " my way or the highway". When he argued it was " his house" . I started to realize it's not about " us" anymore.

  • Doppelgänger

    You dear sir are a “real” human. Had a shrink for MDD – saw him for meds only while seeing a therapist. Then he suggested I do therapy with him. NPD became painfully obvious. AND I LEARNED from an adult perspective, what I had gone through in childhood. I maintained my dignity, healed, terminated without drama – all within 6 months! I will be forever grateful to him although he will never understand why.

  • Susan Adams

    Iam in so much pain right now Iam 9n a middle of the torment right now trying get out soon Iam a empath and it so sever for me. Hold my mind together is hard I have been abused all my LIFE. No more when Iam free this time.and he's a drunk

  • Tina Barwick

    Thank you ! I have narcisstic mother and father and at the age of 60 I have gone no contact with my mother, she is 84, my father has dementia and I was his golden child and he is in care, I do visit and have found peace with him. Your videos are so true and honest. I have found a new me and a sense of Freedom, I intend to live the rest of my life to the best I can. My realisation moment was when my husband was diagnosed with Cancer earlier this year and I found no comfort from my mother, it was my Ah Ha moment!! Everything you say is spot on and I have found comfort in your videos. Again Thank You x I am sure you helped many with your advise and I feel very lucky to have found your chanel. Long may you continue to help those in need. To everyone reading this you can do it, if I can anyone can and find your inner peace xx

  • hendrix4151

    only those you submit to God will be allowed into heaven sure they can choose hell but they will have problems in hell. people's problems are often self inflicted because they choose wrong. why should you submit to God? because he is more intelligent and is holy and right about good and evil.

  • Jocelynn Schmolt

    I am 5p yr. Old disabled but watching this is so enlightening…..I just don't know what 2 do anymoe
    Especially financially….physically….I know enough he cares
    About himself…makes me the worst perso but now I am agoraphbic again….anybody that can relate 2 this terroristic like plot my thoughts & blessings r with u

  • Melanie McCann

    Thank you, Dr. Les for your always spot on talks. Fantastic quintessential stuff!
    It always seems to boil down to – recovery means having a sense of self worth/esteem, which includes taking the high road in our own actions and learning to NOT CARE what misinformation the narc is telling everyone about us (can be hard but can be done – remember, God, Allah, Buddha, Source, Higher Self, … knows what's really going on – we have to remember our self esteem).
    If everyone sees us being decent then that's what they have to go on. If 'they' follow the narc then they have their own issues to work on. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF! If you can't, find good examples and emulate them. Stop doing the things we don't like about ourselves. (Just don't get all cocky about becoming great!!!😉😉😘)

  • PFP Billtown

    I have a narcissistic parent and then found lots of narcissists in religious life (monastery and diocesan priesthood). "God" gave them loads of power and they abused it readily. As I've gotten healthier my boundaries became more and more established. That made me hugely unpopular and they reacted like white blood cells fighting an infection, except that I was that infection. It got ugly but I survived. I'm so grateful for that.

  • annie c

    This is deadly accurate. I went through this with someone and it was hell. When you finally realise you're just a rag to pick up, wipe themselves on, and dispose (always insisting on yr inferiority/their superiority) it gets easier to avoid them. They have little feeling for anyone but themselves. The depression they engender is not worth it. There are healthy ppl in the world who can treat you with decency and kindness. A narc isn't one of them. I believe God is keeping an eye on them and on you, so despair not. I don't think they get away with a thing.

  • Rebecca Smith

    Hi I've watched many of your videos and am arming myself to reintroduce contact with my mother in law. My question is how do I deal with a narcissist enabler. I deal with two of them my husband and my brother in law. I know going back into this relationship is not going to be productive for me but it tears my family apart so I need to do it but am going in much wiser.

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