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The Narcissistic Family Tree | The Red Files | Balance Psychologies



We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The narcissist is no exception.

The narcissist has a dichotomous view of humanity: humans are either Sources of Narcissistic Supply (and, then, idealised and over-valued) or do not fulfil this function (and, therefore, are valueless, devalued). The narcissist gets all the love that he needs from himself. From the outside he needs approval, affirmation, admiration, adoration, attention – in other words, externalised Ego boundary functions.

If you need more information on narcissistic families or parental alienation please contact Sarah Squires. The Nurturing Coach https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZPt2njTcKTmJWAyBsfZcDA

If you have liked the video and would like to book a session with me, please email me: enquiry@balancepsychologies.com to schedule an appointment. Or you can book directly via www.balancepsychologies.com/bookonline There you will also find lots of resources, blog and free materials to help with your healing journey.

Please do join me on Tuesday evenings at 8PM (UK time) for YouTube LIVE sessions. If you have any questions that you would like answered either join me on the live or email me your query.

If you know anybody that is suffering from narcissistic abuse please could you share the video and information included in this vide. I also have a few blogs that talk about the emotional abuse and what narcissism is and what it may entail. Here is the link to my blog page (please feel free to browse): https://www.balancepsychologies.com/blog

Please leave your comments below, I am trying to build a community and awareness into the devastating affects of Narcissistic Abuse and the destruction that follows on from this trauma.
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27 Comments

  • LaDee Daa

    To everyone that grew up in this abusive type of family dynamics; I’m proud of u!!! I’m proud of everyone of us that are still trying to make sense of the madness. I relate to everyone of u in the comment section, in fact I’ve never really related/connected more than I do reading all your stories. Xo

  • Kinga Parapura

    I find it disturbing that many of the points discussed in this video describe family dynamic within my own family, although the family I grew up in wasn't (I still suppose) narcissistic, but rather traumatized by my father's alcohol addiction, divorce and a rather cold motherly affection. From what I hear, a few more features characterize my father's FOO than that of my own. I am currently watching all of your videos on NPD for a personal reason and yes, I do find narcissistic traits in many of my family members, myself included. But the question is – can a dysfunctional family raise three distinct narcissists that are almost alien to one another (in terms of sibling bonds)? Up to this point I thought of myself as an adult child of an alcoholic/dysfunctional fam…? .3. please answer if possible.

  • Red Kudzu

    What if none of that happened in a childs life? What if they had a family that loved them and one of the kids just happened to be a great athlete? What if they were counseled the entire time about humility, about persevering, about enduring…and they did great at it all. So great that they were one of the top athletes in the state. They had to endure jealousy though. Highly recruited in college and did great. Chose not to play senior year. Within 10 years is a complete narc. I think that when people are used to being told how great they are that when you are a normal person in normal life, there's really no one telling you that you're great. I think they were so used to it that they now are creating their own make believe world around them self. I say that to only suggest that sometimes it is NOT bad parenting at all.

  • mreloo

    some of this confuses me ..but my covert narsicist would become a new person after 5 beers, some of it was good because I would never see these emotions.. unless she was drinking … coming out of her shell ….and when not drinking … kinda dead emotionally… but she could drink 10 beers and then would do and act inappropriately and that never would never happen if not for alchohol …she does not drink much now, but I would find myself wishing she would …it is awful living like this….because I'm awake after 30 years of marriage, now she seems more dead emotionally, and now I really suffer…knowing what this7 terrible feeling I would experience through out marriage …is this common for female narcissist…total personality change with alchohol ? not sure if I need to just find other things to do ,so I don't fixate on how much this person that I love totally ignores me ,but it's so much more …deeper than just ignoring me ….or just leave the environment… please pray for me..thanks ,

  • Melinda smith

    Wow!! You hit the nail on the head, especially about sibling non-relationships. This is necessary for the narc to maintain control and ensure no individuality for all her children. Just discovered “truth” at age 48, I am the scapegoat. Been no contact for 3 years. Older brother, golden child, now 56 and a narc, hasn’t worked in 10 years, survives by various co-dependents. Younger brother, age 44, still lives with narc mom. What people need to understand is how children of narcs can’t develop individual personalities, everything revolves around the narc.

  • thomas soleau

    Dear wonderful loving woman friend, thank you again for the insight. I have been looking all of my life for truths of why my childhood was so unsettled, and why I would have preferred to live with my grandmother on my fathers side. Spoke to my father before he died that my mother and I never had a conversation, and I am 65 years old. She could only bark orders at me, curse my relationships, and try to control me any way she could. A narcissistic parents blessings are only curses out of hell in disguise. I can tell you for sure because of my twin 3 years younger brothers lives, liars, thieves and users.   I was very fearful in grade school to grow up and become like them. I prayed and when the time was right The Lord had me trust in his payment for my sins at 27, He made payment  for all of us almost 2000 years ago. Made a huge difference in my ability to see and understand more deeply. God bless you all, this place is more complicated than most people want to believe, or have been taught to seek truth. Wonderful school systems we have; (unGodly), keep us stupid. Keep looking, there are people here God has blessed to speak the truth to us, pray for them, the Devil hates the truth, better for him that we all be in darkness to be easily fooled and led on a path that has no truth that we may be condemned.

  • The Light

    That message of we're a perfect system and we don't talk about what goes on in our family is the message I got but I always refused to be the family secret keeper.
    As a result of this I have been the scapegoat since I can remembet.
    Every imaginable abuse went on in this family but the cult members refuse to acknowledge it.
    Even as adults my siblings have been terrified to allow me to be part of their lives because they were so afraid of displeasing the cult leader.
    The cult leader's position was transferred to a grandchild who was groomed from birth to assume this position.
    My siblings did share with me that this new cult leader is so much crazier then the one she replaced and that her mission is to destroy me for not paying adequate homage to her.
    Thank you for this video.

  • Queen of the Butterflies

    This is definitely the BEST description of my family's life. THANKYOU 🙏 I don't feel insane/terrible/inherently bad/satanic/etc. I'm tempted to show them this video, but being narc's, they'd just gaslight me & say, "Oh no, that's YOU!" Talk about crazy making 😢 …. now I understand why my brother hated me since I was born – & we haven't spoken for a decade. And when my mother says she loves me, in my gut… I just don't feel it and it makes me cry

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