narcissist videos

Schizoid Personality Disorder – What It’s Like

In this video I talk a little bit about what it’s like for me and people who have similar issues. Hopefully this gives you a little bit of an idea of how living with SPD works!



  • Flying Dude

    How old were you when it began? I can relate to what you're saying but likely it was just some kind of atypical depression and actually got way better with medicine. The medicine I eat is also used in treatment for schizoids. I believe my depression (I wasn't sad really) was a symptom of something else rather than something in its own right.

  • zeus storm

    I have schizoaffective disorder . I believe this is on the scizophrenic spectrum also . I do have traits of this . I enjoy my own company most although i love my dogs company . I dont particulary have feelings for anyone other then my brother and mother ,my only family .

  • Ak Sprkl

    Do people with SPD have trouble socializing with others? Would they be considered, or is it possible for them, to have social anxiety?

    I feel like my lack of caring to have friends when I was younger may have atrophied my social skills. I now have trouble interacting with people my age in a "mature" manner (though I find them to be the immature ones and me to be more of the "prude").

  • Ashanti Mahdi

    Thanks for sharing your human experience! I do not have SPD, but I can respect your struggle within it. It is wonderfully amazing that you have the courage to share with others… I know your personality might be classified as a disorder, I would rather call it another state of being that is not understood in a fast-paced, get it done, live out loud world that requires a boastfully proud disposition. Simply! Thanks!!!!!

  • Leafrench1

    I just recently discovered my husband is a schizoid. I always thought he didn't care about me. He doesn't like me if I am friendly and outgoing to people. He is a super introverted person. Do you get angry or express any emotions? He does not get mad. That is very distressful.

  • MissMiia

    I described what I was like during the age of 8-14 to a friend who took psychology(22 now). I wanted to know if I have mild depression and if I've always had mild depression and just didn't realize it. Instead she told me I might've had an early onset of schizoid personality disorcer. This is due to how I described myself back then.

    1. I was numb and nothing excited me more than manipulating people online. I had multiple boyfriends at the same time online because it was the only time I felt alive… manipulating people.
    2. I daydreamed for hours during school, nothing in my mind, hours just pass.

    3. I observe my friends in highschool so I can mimic how they act towards other people. Still happens frequently, but it's exhausting to put on a fake act.

    4. I had no friends and people called me the ghost in class.

    5. I hated doing anything that involved other people, like parties and get togethers. No fun at all and I'm allergic to alcohol. Which sucks.

    6. During my grandpa's funeral I regretted not bringing sunglasses because I couldn't fake crying, especially when everyone else started crying and I tried to mimic it by having the sniffles. Grandma was dying in the hospital and we we're playing and joking outside the room, she died after a few days and I had to fake crying that as well. I tried to feel sad, I really did, but I felt nothing. Despite the fact that she was raising me during my summers growing up.

    7. I don't know if you're particular about this as well but I am shit at comforting people. My mom sobbed her heart out when grandpa died, I didn't want to get involved so I left the room. Same things happened with friends except I just sat there in silence an inch away, awkwardly patting their back while trying to remember what people in the movies say in this situation.

    8. I had anger issues, I was a perpetually angry child and teen. I get angry at a snap of a finger and have been quite violent too. I would pick fights with boys, throw chairs and pull hairs over the smallest things. I graduated high school with my yearbook filled with quotes from my classmates about controlling my temper and getting anger management.

    P.S. I have never been physically violent ever since I entered highschool, with the exception of throwing my notebooks and shoes at someone that frustrated me. Ever since I entered college I have never raised my voice in school or with my peers. At home I do still scream and argue with my parents but I'm trying not to.

    I know I'm different, I don't know what I am and it doesn't matter. I am actively pushing myself to be better, ever since I turned 14 I tried to be more than what I was before. I'm 22 now and I haven't had a romantic relationship since 14, I know myself and I don't think I can handle turning into that manipulative person again, I actively try not to put myself into that position by rejecting everyone point blank. I'm afraid my social skills are quite lacking but I want to be better even though acting normally is exhausting.

  • Omar Miralles

    I'm 17 and I might have SPD, I have most of those traits but they only occur most of the time and I have to sometimes fake it. I still have motivations and I dream to be a game developer that is about what I'm interested in, and I'm interested in everything because I'm a curious person :3 I want to know if we actually have a spectrum on SPD like Logan Paul said because people are really complex and if I should get help immediately in order for the diagnois not to get stronger. I hope that all schizoids will be understood and still have weapons, fighting (it sounds wrong but I don't hurt people unless they hurt me first) video games, Gorillaz, the Yakuza series (especially Majima) and more as my interest. Because even if I can't express myself to people I could at least express something indirectly 😑

  • Lewis

    The biggest thing for me lately is feeling as though I'm not real. I'm so detached from myself and the world around me, it's as if I'm an observer of life, rather than a participant. Life just passes me by. People progress in life, get a job, get married, have kids, fall in love, get their heart broken, mourn, feel joy, sadness, hate. Those are things that happen to other people, not me. It's like watching a movie. All I feel is angst, frustration, paranoia and an overwhelming sense of emptiness and a lack of identity. People think I'm a nice person, warm, engaging, passionate. In reality, I'm just a world class method actor. It's called being a "secret schizoid."

    I don't feel love (I genuinely don't understand that emotion on any level), I'm self centered and I don't respond to typically "emotional" circumstances. Recently my grandfather passed away, he was an incredible person who dedicated his whole life to his family and being a school governor. He was a really awesome person. But on the night he passed, I felt nothing. My mood was exactly the same as it was before the moment I found out, it didn't resonate with me like it did with the rest of my family. I didn't mourn, I didn't cry, I don't miss him, his death felt utterly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. That bothers me, I wish I felt those things, but I don't and I can't make myself feel them. I owe him a lot because he gave me my interest in nature, art and reading (things I struggle to stay interested in) but I just don't feel any type of way about it. Other than frustrated for not feeling.

    I sometimes also get a feeling that everybody else is like me (although I know they're not) and that they too are just playing a part that they are made to believe is the "correct" way to act. Because this feels so normal to me, it's my reality and it has been for my whole life, I find it hard to understand that people actually feel and don't think like I do. I'm really envious of people who have come to accept their SPD because I don't, at all. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want to be born, it's just a cruel joke at my expense. A joke that I can't escape until the day I die.

    I think about dying every day, sometimes it's this subtle nagging in the back of my mind, sometimes it's huge and all I can think about. But it never goes away. I don't really care if I die but I'm scared of the pain of suicide and the finality of it. I do still have hope that things will change and that's what stops me. That, and my immediate family. Even though I don't feel "love" like I believe everybody else does, I'm extremely fond of them and appreciative of them and the thought of hurting them like that is probably the most intense feeling that I do actually feel. My parents don't deserve that. Sometimes I wish that I'd die in my sleep or get killed in an accident so I can escape this hell hole without burdening my parents with being the people who's weird son killed himself.

    Thanks for this video man, it's really great to know that I'm not experiencing this alone. Even though I wouldn't wish this on anybody, feeling so alone in all of this is really difficult. I've never met anybody else with SPD and I'm actually really interested to see how that interaction would go down. Would I feel just as irritated by them as I do everybody else, or would we actually connect?

  • TJ

    I've been feeling like this since Feb this year? I want to go out with friends and rebuild my social life but when the time comes I end up cancelling and if i do go I instantly want to go home. I went to the yearly fair this month with a friend and I didn't feel any rush or excitement from the rides even when I was on them which is weird for me because I usually get so scared and then shaky from the buzz but there was nothing it was so weird…. I did start going on walks in the middle of nowhere at night were I pretty much look out and say to myself everything is meaningless and pointless.

  • Kota Fortine

    I used to be extremely empathetic, but now all of the sudden I feel like a robot. I keep forcing grotesque images into my mind of my mom, friends, or animals dying/me hurting them…. and the only thing I'm feeling is fear of myself. I keep saying "I love you" to people when I'm not sure if I feel it anymore. If this, along with the homicidal/violent thoughts continue, I plan on taking my own life. This isn't an attention seeking act, it's just the truth. If I do feel things, it's VERY short lived. One of my mom's best friends, friend died and although I WANTED so bad to feel something.. I couldn't.. I said I was here for her, but I don't know anymore..
    I'm still holding on to hope, I started taking a new medication and I'm hoping that is the cause of all these feelings. I'm unsure why all of this was to happen so suddenly.

  • Chango Chilemba

    I'm serious here, i don't see what the big deal is about enjoying your life, none of it matters anyway you're going to die in reality, and eventually it'll be like you never existed… I honestly don't care whether I'm happy or not, it doesn't matter…

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