narcissist videos

Quiet BPD Hidden – My Partner Took Her Life



My partner took her own life. I had no idea she had Borderline Personality Disorder. She was a Quiet and High Functioning Borderline. This was 100% hidden from me. For what these terms actually mean, if anything anymore, really. I had no idea. I had no clue. Their were no signs. Suddenly she was gone.

This was the only way I knew how to cope through that period of time. She died late Thursday night, December 27, 2018. I recorded this close to 3 hours later around 12:35 am way earlier today, on a day that has so far felt like in the middle of time standing still this, up to now 7pm has felt like seconds and years at the same time.
I uploaded it after being up all night and day.

How many quiet, high-functioning people with BPD are hiding it that well – so well as to make their pain and reality invisible to those closest to them? So “well” that not living is for all too many, the only option they feel they have?

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30 Comments

  • vote er

    Ohh God AJ….i feel you and hear yr pain sweety. We here who love and support you are all sending you our love and prayers. You are very special and much appreciated to all us subs. It is not yr fault AJ. know that in time you will understand it better. The misunderstandings in her perceptions AJ. Thank you so very much AJ for sharing yr news, yr grief, yr saddness, yr loss with us here who are Honored that you feel you can…I am Honored to know you on here AJ. I truly am….

  • vote er

    AJ as you said you did not know her state of hiding BPD. I don't think it was any punishment towards you. No, I don't. I think it was her extreme pain of percieved rejection and abondmonment, especially as she hide her pain all this time.
    It was her own intense pain that most likely triggered her seperation from this existence….as she never was able to acknowledge to you her condition and therefore was never able to heal herself. So her pain was very raw AJ. Know that she would not have truly wanted to hurt you by this…it's her disorder and pain speaking out loudly. On a deep real level she loves you and always will. Pleaz know that is the truth of the situation AJ. It happened quick for her because all her suppressed pain erupted all at once AJ….That would of been too much for her, as it would be for anyone AJ.
    AJ SHE LOVES YOU WITH ALL HER HEART XX. I Love you with all my human heart AJ especially in these sad moments XX

  • Lottie Martin

    I pray for you, to God, to extend his infinite sphere of love to surround you.
    God I don't understand the reason, but please Jesus let some love's light shine through all here and help us just carry on through the journey, without May beside us, but in our hearts. Things sad things that don't make sence, a life taken, in her frame of mind that was not herself, can I give my heartfelt feeling to you pray and love, and please feel God's strength around you.

  • silverstorm3

    AJ MY HEART IS BROKEN FOR YOU. I HAVE NO WORDS TO SAY OTHER THAN I SEND MY LOVE TO YOU FROM CHICAGO… LOVE YOUR SPIRITUAL BROTHER CURTIS…..AJ IF YOU NEED TO TALK LET ME KNOW. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND HAVE HELPED SO MANY. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IN OUR LIVES WHY WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAIN. IT IS SUPPOSED TO TEACH US SOMETHING. JUST LIKE YOUR PAINFUL PAST YOU HAVE BEEN A INSPIRATION TO ME AND OTHERS TO LEARN AND GROW FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES AND I KNOW THAT YOU MAKE THESE VIDEOS SO OTHERS CAN NOT GO THROUGH THE SAME THING. I AM NON BORDERLINE AND HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM YOU AND UNDERSTAND MY PART IN HELPING MY PARTNER. I THANK YOU FOR BEING A LIGHT IN THIS DARK WORLD. LOVE CURTIS.

  • Alex Deja

    A.J. so sorry for your loss ,words can not describe 😒 you mentioned few times in your videos how happy you are for having such loving and carring partner so this came as a big shock and such sad and painful news to hear and i just wonder how much pain you can handle with all the stress narcissistic landlords had put you through last few months and now this 😟😟😟. sending so many virtual hugs to support you going through this

  • Rj Starfish

    🌸 Aj I got a text in March saying my uxdbpd partner was in a coma after 'accidentally overdosing on meds'.

    I asked for time out in June to let her bottom out.

    I'm reaching out because I'm worried.

    I don't know whether I'm making it worse.

    We can only do our best. You are helping. Thank you again for sharing. You are honouring your partner, and we are here.

  • Susan Devra Cheek

    Hi AJ. Hope you're doing better. I know it's hard when you're in the midst of grief, but try to celebrate the memory of your partner's life and your time with her. Hopefully this will ease the pain.

    If I may, I recommend a book called "Healing Through the Shadow of Loss", by Deborah Morris Coryell. This book has helped me through various devastating losses, and it may help you.
    Take care.πŸ’™

  • cute dog

    A.J. My dear darling friend I feel every word your broken heart is speaking in volumes so loud and clear. Sending you healing hugs from afar. We are all here for you in the ways that you have been here for us. This was NOT your fault I repeat NOT your fault, this is very real shock, grief, pain and feelings of betrayal talking. The heart and mind are deep oceans as we all know which can carry secrets that none of us as human beings would spot including you dear A.J. Please reach out at this incredibly difficult and painful time. Please, please email if you need a listening ear which you so kindly, generously and so thoughtfully have given us. We all love and value you dearly. YOU MATTER. My love, support and friendship with healing light .. Always, Gill XX

    Crying is how your heart speaks, when your lips can't explain the pain you feel 😒

  • Pauline Belisle

    Dear AJ, I have spent the good part of a year watching your videos. In fact it was while watching an earlier white board video when I saw you had posted the audio from Friday the 28th. Your pain runs deep at the sudden senseless death and loss of the person you held most close to you. All of us who have sought your insight into the borderline personality for relief and validation of our own breaking hearts want to protect you and keep you from this horrible pain. Please don't give up. The world needs you. Your capacity for love, compassion, and genuine desire to help others to live better makes you a very important person to so many of us. I cried all day Saturday with you and haven't stopped thinking of you. God forbid you are not alone through this. I hope good people have come to your side.
    Love, Pauline

  • Jessica Jones

    I’m so deeply sorry. Please be ok. You aren’t alone. Ever. It is never your fault. Never. Trust me I know this feeling. Let me help you ! Let everyone help. How can I help you ? Bc I know we all can. I would do anything. Just let me know πŸ™πŸ»πŸ’–πŸ™πŸ»

  • Michelle judd

    AJ i just got this video, im crying for you i care about you , this is not fair i am so sorry i had a partner commit suicide , i am in shock for you , AJ sending so much love for a very brave woman . You are blaming yourself please don't if anybody can save someone you can . Love never dies its eternal .

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