narcissist videos

ONE QUESTION A NARCISSIST ABSOLUTELY CANNOT ANSWER



Narcissists genuinely believe they are “other” in a special sort of way. But what if you challenge them to explain their special status, how would they respond? Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter poses one question that a narcissist cannot accurately answer…and it exposes how they live with a false image of self.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. Over the past 39 years he has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions.

Books by Dr. Carter:
https://store.bookbaby.com/book/When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing-Me


Dr. Carter’s online workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: http://drlescarter.com/video-workshops/

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35 Comments

  • OliverAK Labs

    How to deal with a narcissist?

    ☑🔒1)Avoid them completely if possible.

    ☑🔒2)Have very firm boundaries. Protect your interests with great care. Never ever confide in them. Never reveal your truths to a jealous narcissists.

    ☑🔒3)Avoid becoming their enemy or a threat by challenging their grandiose self image.

    ☑🔒4)Avoid involvement in their plans if possible.

    ☑🔒5)They are horrible planners because they are delusional.

    ☑🔒6)Realize that in some way, everything they say is a lie to manipulate you in their sick world. Their grand stories may impress you, charm you, and make you feel good, but its all designed to manipulate you into their web of lies.

    ☑🔒7)Don't let them gaslight or bully you. They will always try to convince you that you are somehow mistaken, not clear, illogical,  deluded, ignorant or dumb. You just aren't making any sense!Don't trust them ever or rely on them for anything.

    ☑🔐8)Don't make vague promises to them like – I will help you. If you have to do something for them, make it simple and clear.

    ☑🔐9)Don't kid yourself that you have the problem or that you are to blame.

    ☑🔐10)Resist the urge to hate them and get back at them. In time, things never end well for them.

    ☑🔒11)Realize that for them, protecting their self image is like survival. It may not be important to you, but to them the worst thing in the world is to be seen as just average. They will go to great lengths and expend great energy just to feel as though they are great.

    ☑🔒12)Don't try to fix/change them, they won't change in 98% of the cases and they I'll manipulate your mind to make you think that you're the problem. They will make you feel as though there is something really wrong with you and that they are without fault.

    Here are eleven ways a narcissist uses shame to control others.

    1)Historical Revisionism. A narcissist will retell another person’s story adding their own flare of additional shame. This can be done in front of others or privately. It usually happens after the other person has achieved some level of accomplishment. The narcissist will state that they are only trying to the keep the other person humble but in reality, they are trying to humiliate.

    2)Confidence Breaking. Narcissists love to gather information about a person and store it away for later abuse. They use their charm to entice a person to share confidential details, especially ones that caused the other person embarrassment. Once gathered the narcissist uses the story to keep the other person in check and constantly worried about when the information will come out.

    3)Exaggerating Faults. No one is perfect except for the narcissist. The narcissist is very good at identifying the faults of others and even better at passively aggressively commenting on them. This is a way of putting the other person ‘in their place.’ When confronted, they often say, “I was only joking,” or that person “can’t take a joke.”

    4)Victim Card. Narcissists are talented at exasperating others and then using their reaction as justification for becoming the real victim. Regardless of how hard the narcissist incited the other person, the angry reaction to the provocation is viewed as shameful. The other person who usually feels bad by their reaction, allows the narcissist to play the victim card, and thereby surrenders control to the narcissist.

    5)Blame Shifting. Whenever something goes wrong, the narcissist shifts all of the blame to the other person. The other person who may have done one thing wrong, allows the narcissist to dump more than their fair share of the responsibility.

    6)Baby Talk. In any narcissistic relationship, the narcissist wants to be seen as the adult and the other person as the child. This belittlement is done in several condescending ways such as literally talking down, calling the other person immature, and saying the other person needs to grow up. The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person.

    7)Religious Guilt. It doesn’t matter what the religion of the narcissist or the other person is. In every religion, there are a set of standards and expectations. The narcissist will use the other person’s religious beliefs to guilt them into acting a certain way. They might even go as far to say, “God told me you need to…”

    8)Offensive Play. The narcissist will use personal attacks to put the other person on the defense. The other person will get so caught up in defending their name or character that they will miss the next attack. “Look how defensive you are, you must have done something wrong,” the narcissist will say. This is a checkmate position because the other person has nowhere to go.

    9)Talking Above. Instead of talking down (baby talk), the narcissist will talk over the other person’s knowledge level. Even if the other person is more intelligent, the narcissist will talk in circles with an air of authority to force the other person into an inferior position. They will use sophisticated vocabulary, physical posturing such as looking down at the other person, and embellishment of details to disguise the real point of shaming the other person.

    10)Comparing Accomplishments. It doesn’t matter what the other person has accomplished, the narcissist did it first, better, and more efficiently. By outperforming the other person, the narcissist minimizes the other person’s accomplishments in comparison to their own. This produces an ‘I can never be good enough,’ feeling in the other person.

    11)First Impression. A narcissist is very aware of how they look and appear to others. Frequently they are dressed in designer clothing with immaculate grooming. Not a hair is ever out of place. This is not just for the narcissist; rather their perfectionistic appearance is used to demean others. Comments like, “They don’t take care of themselves,” or “It doesn’t take a lot of effort to look better” are typical.

  • Nancy Luckhurst

    I'm fairly certain that if I ever asked that question to my narc spouse, he would take it as a challenge, and probably retort, " Well, I'm more special than YOU!"- followed by a laundry list of my shortcomings and probably some profanity. Then I'd be treated to a few days or more of hostility.

    And he never admits to not knowing something- even though I have assured him repeatedly that no one can know everything. He'd rather give incorrect information ( and insist that it's right) than admit to not knowing. It's so ridiculous, and yet he will challenge me about information or expertise that I can provide that can be verified as correct. He won't ever admit that I know something that he does not because he considers me inferior.

    Regarding wanting to be revered by others, my narc spouse takes the attitude that if someone doesn't challenge him or express displeasure with his behavior or words, they must like him and think highly of him. I have suggested to him that most people avoid confrontation, and you cannot assume a lack of confrontation means you are liked or respected. He absolutely does not understand what I am talking about.

  • Alan Weller

    If these people are so offensive, why are they not at risk of assault by the ones they damage. The narcissist might find one person will not take his crap and beat the daylights out of him or put a bullet through his head. I know of a case where that happened to a teacher by one of his students who met him later after school and he was beaten to a pulp by the young man for being humiliated in front of class. This teacher was a known narcissist but the school board could not get rid of him because of tenure. He never returned to class after this. I saw a flight instructor fired on the spot after one of his students stood up to him and complained to the manager. Narcissist seem to gravitate to positions such as this as a way of getting gratification by berating and abusing their students.

  • Paulo Gaeta

    You downplay their negative side, in order to maintain their false self they need constant supply, which means a lot of people have to be abused in order of them feeling a bit better, they are predators, they usually are sadists (negative supply) as well.

  • Dee Mo **FAM**

    Well timed. I'm dealing with my super narc husband and our taxes. it didn't go exactly the way he wanted it to go even though in the end it will all be the same. he remains furious that he didn't have complete control and is desperately trying to blame me and make me feel so guilty. he's not in the country while this is going on, so I blocked his email after warning him to stop emailing me over this and he still shot off another email trying to get me to get back into the argument with him.

  • Jewelz A

    Oh this is a big one. Everyone and everything around him somehow is turned around and made in a way that “if it wasn’t for me” “if I didn’t do that” “its because of me” situation and somehow everyone around him needs to thank him for their achievements/accomplishments. Not a single day goes by without being reminded that the Car,nice clothes,laptop,my school, full fridge, my everything” is because of him. Good god I’m mentally f**cked and I feel it. Not in a I’m going to harm myself kind of way but like confused and trying to figure myself out kind. It’s like I don’t even know who I really am.

    P.s 😅financially too

  • Moon Starr

    We need Solutions…Anybody ??? besides The obvious…maybe this video says it all and we are enough…vibe with your tribe..there is our answer..lol. Gawd help everybody who has come here to real eyes and understand what it is.

  • Utopian Lion

    If narcissists are manipulative what's stopping them from forcing their own ideal of psychology on to others through youtube videos, word of mouth it's already established their charm gets them in positions of power socially
    So even discussions on narcissm can be twisted in their favour

    My argument is I've seen videos from so called psychologists claiming very different traits in narcissm so who should be listened to? Who's really right?

  • Missy Tanner

    My ex would give me the silent treatment when confronted with problems then rage on me if I ever brought up the problems again. Nothing was ever fixed when problems needed addressed it finally exploded after a few years like this.

  • Mo Poppins

    I’ve never once met a single narc who can do ANYTHING right, when it comes to human relationships. They may have other abilities, but not when it comes to interpersonal interactions. Always creating problems when there are none. As someone pithily summarized, “Narcissists have a problem for every solution.”

  • OceanSound100

    Hello Dr C ! Just a thought about this, my mother is a covert Narcissist and
    what i always felt even in childhood was that i was communicating with
    a robot. She never hugged me or showed tenderness towards me – something i needed
    desperately. But she was on some sort of cold automatic pilot response.
    Her questions that always geared towards a put down of some sort. Things like >>>
    "what are you wearing "that" for?" Or … "get over it " – – "If it wasn't for You"
    " Don't bother me " Always cold speech.

  • farhana cynthia

    Thank you for this video 🤲🏽. Dr. Carter could you please do a video on hoovering narcissist, or you already have one? I couldn’t seem to find it on your channel’s playlist. Currently facing the hoovering but still he wants to control everything. He doesn’t want to lose his dignity but my family and I should apologize to him for his wrongdoings. Such hypocrite!

  • Matilda

    This so much needs to be said !! The very thing they fear the most, removing the mask, is the very thing they need to do to heal and be authentic. But fear and courage have difficulty living together. Thank God for people who speak up. Dr Carter, two thumbs up from me.

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