Narcissists do not approach you with the goal of knowing you at the heart level. To them, you have a function to fill, that’s it. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter highlights the difference between engaging with others as a transaction versus connecting with others in true relationship.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many seminars and workshops.
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While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can assist: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism
Books by Dr. Carter: https://store.bookbaby.com//bookshop/book/index.aspx?bookURL=When-Pleasing-You-Is-Killing-Me
Laura Charanza’s book: https://www.amazon.com/Ugly-Love-Survivors-Story-Narcissistic/dp/1543933874/ref=pd_sbs_14_3/131-8513366-6301765?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1543933874&pd_rd_r=c01728bb-43b5-4bfe-a3fe-5b68d784c53a&pd_rd_w=dWQV3&pd_rd_wg=tpusd&pf_rd_p=52b7592c-2dc9-4ac6-84d4-4bda6360045e&pf_rd_r=WVP22RX65YFVJDXMRMJT&psc=1&refRID=WVP22RX65YFVJDXMRMJT
Dr. Carter’s online workshops about narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: http://drlescarter.com/video-workshops/
Dr. Carter’s other YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/drlescarter
Coffee mugs: https://teespring.com/stores/surviving-narcissism-2
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20 Comments
Karen Zilverberg
Thanks so much!
Hübschen GTS
I honestly wish I would’ve had an aneurism and dropped dead moments before our first date.
I can’t say I wish him dead. Because I still love him, and the idea of him badly hurt or worse gives my a panic attack.
But I would’ve been in such a better place if I never met him or that aneurism had been so kind as to take me out before I found out people like him actually exist.
S Sellers
Yep! Are you useful to them is important. I think they really want to move beyond this but can't because their primary motivation is fear. Fear drives all of their behavior and makes them unhappy. It is their "instant karma" that they cannot move beyond fear by being vulnerable, so they are stuck in this cycle of fear and unhappiness. One gets the sense with a narcissist that they are terrible company for themselves. Like yourself, help other people, know what your intentions are and leave the narcissist to sort themselves out-they are the only ones who can.
Despondencymusic
Before knowing what a narc really was…I often compared living with my narc fiance as dating this certain coworker. I figured out the coworker is also a narcissist.
BarbaraAnn Little
your dog is NOT impressed 🙂
Deborah Smith
Can you discuss Narcissism and those who seem to treat their children well, but who often parade them(like in pagents) and worship them? Those that seem to live through their children? I know of people in my family that way.
bridget mccolville
Excellent info Dr Carter. Fascinating and so informative. Thank you.
ButterfliesAreFreeToFly
My gawd, this was my marriage. Without him really saying it, but how I had come to feel over 24 years. Once I stopped giving in to his financial risks (which became mine) and his lies about infidelity … once I pushed back, I got discarded. He is everything you’ve mentioned, entitled, transaction seeker/negotiator, user … how could I not see it? 6 years after discard, with the help of therapy, I see it now. Clearly. He did me a huge favor by leaving but what a waste if time, 24 years with a fake person. Thank you for sharing the tips for dealing with this. No contact has saved my life.
Emmaline Jackson
thank you so much
Telephone Jack2
People are to be used, taken, smeared lied about you, about everything. You're only as good to them in the moment of feeling…one up…smug
Neina Ramzan
I was brought up by 2 narrsersist dad overt narrsersist mom covet narrsersist
I'm still struggling to find me 😦 it's a nightmare
My family of 10 siblings all either narrsersist married to narrsersist or mentally ill or on drugs
I'm completely alone
Alhumdilla since becoming a Muslim I'm so happy I feel so free and worry free it's been an incredible challenge to find love happiness strength and peace 🙏 🙏 🙏 but with God help I have 💟
Victor Kroud
Yesterday I was told, we make a good team. Yes, I’ve always tried to make my spouse look good- I know my team status. With your help and others, I have made solid progress and today was to be DDay. Decision day. (Finally), But when I woke up this morning I felt immobilized. I’m struggling. I didn’t expect this. Is this normal?
Free spirit
Sad to think that he only used me for my kindness. When his needs changed he found new supply. I worked out what he was about and as we were in ld I guess I'll never hear from him again. Learned my lesson. I won't be caught by a narc again ever. When you know you go. Still hurts tho.
Daring Greatly84
This is 100% correct! Tell them no enough and they will discard you. 😊
Bonnie Forman
This is one of your best videos. I have noticed since watching this that the narcissist is only interested in "transactions" not relationships. Brilliant. It's funny when you actually put language to behavior, the light bulb goes off in my brain. I think back to conversations I've had with the narcissist and that's all that's there – a transaction, no intimacy. Thank you so much.
Owen John Batt
Thank Yu for this concise Summary of the methods & tactics of NARCISSISTS !!!
Gerrie Klijzing
Could you please talk about dr Craig Childress and Attachment Based 'Parental Alienation'?
Kim Larsson
My parents have no clue who I am, and to them, it's not really a problem. Growing up like this is so confusing and disturbing.
As long as the superficial transactions work ("Lets pretend we're a family" etc), they don't care.
And besides, I have never been the child they ordered…
MrZdvy
You make some really interesting & informative video’s about this subject. Too bad I had to find out about all this the hard way earlier in life.
Anton LaVey
What about that woman that says they want a relationship with you but they still advertise themselves as single online like Facebook and dating apps? I should dump her. 🤦🏾♂️