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Narcissists Perfect Abuse Of The 5 Love Languages



Narcissists perfect abuse of the 5 Love languages are used as a weapon in the Narc relationship.

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43 Comments

  • darnell anderson

    very well put and so accurate to the narcissist, it was all about hurrying to get undress and having sex and then before they left it was about how do I look, not realizing its not always about external validation its about internal self validation, something we need to carry us through our latter years, they r not capable of doing this for themselves, I'm sure there parents dressed them way up into there teen years. and then as u said they have there nose up in the air about how others present themselves.

  • Sabine Greßler

    I don't think they speak a "love language" at all. Because there is no love. All they do is pushing the right buttons. I always felt uncomfortable when my narc told me that he loves me. Because I didn't feel it. They tell us what they think we like to hear. So they get what they want.
    Love from Vienna, Austria

  • Diva R

    Dave!!! Good video, friend❤️ The comment about Dorian Gray is very astute and eerily accurate. Funnily enough, the ex narc told me that I reminded him of the story of Dorian Gray because I admire myself so much🤪 Projection at its finest lol.

  • MsLovelylana

    I served a 20 years of narcissistic abuse. It is a sentence that left me with a failed relationship and a broken family. Thanks to your videos I’m free and happy to come home to my virtual family. We are all lining up behind the screen, connecting the dots and the patterns. We are aware and stronger. Let’s just scream “ Never again”. I thank you again for opening our eyes.

  • Bruno P

    Once we have been through this , it becomes easier to spot them .
    You're are so right when you say the narcs' targets are empaths people , the next time someone try to seduce you ( love bombing ) , if you don't respond quickly you will be able to see their true self , they can't stand when you don't fall in love for their charms right away .
    I don't know if i make me understand well because of my english .
    Have a nice day .
    Bruno from France

  • Plain Talk

    The only one of those love languages the narcissist displayed with me were intimacy. And I am not speaking sexual. He was, in the beginning, very intimate, Always holding my hand while he was driving. Leaning over and kissing me at a red light.Dancing with me in his kitchen at 5 am when he got home from work. His hand on the small of my back if waiting in a line. and kissing the back of my hand like in old movies. This died pretty quickly into the relationshit. I sometimes look back and wonder how these people are able to be so good at the seduction but so bad at all the rest. I agree, Nick's comment was great. The narcissist never wanted his picture taken. Never shared any pics of himself on social media. He shared ONE pic of himself and it was a pic posing with a 12 point buck he had killed during hunting season. His face was smeared with camo paint and he was wearing a hat. Disguised. Hidden.

  • Holly H

    Yesterday I finally got a text from him, after the silent treatment for almost a month. I heard from him last week, faking being sick in a Europe hospital. He was back in the U.S.. but he got me worried, what he wanted. So yesterday he wants to talk about why I don't care anymore. Anotherwords, I stopped begging him to talk. I explained I'm happier without feeling like I'm trash. He tried to call today after I texted all the reasons he's a narcissist. All the horrible things he's done. I told him I wanted to end my life weeks ago from the abuse for 13 years. He actually texted me saying that's unattractive for a man to hear. Then in the same text wanting us to work it out. Sigh. He was never there for me. It was all about him. If I was seriously sick, no response from him. He knew I've been going to a dr for blood cancer for months. He's never asked about the appointments. He only callled to tell me about himself. My grandma died months ago, he went m.i.a. Then he threw I'm not working right now in my face. He feels I'm worth nothing without money coming in. He can't grasp I've been dealing with cancer. I'm finally feeling better enough to go back to work. I truly believe I'm feeling better because I've cut him out of my life. His silent treatment backfired. It gave me time to realize how horrible he is. Also biting my tongue for so long, is exhausting I didn't have to do that for a month. Yet, he texted and texted, making himself look even worse. My friend said, does he not understand what he's saying is cruel, heartless and no way to get you back?? No. He doesn't. He's finally getting his own medicine. I stopped replying and sent his number to blocked. I seriously can't believe he wants me back, after he treated me like I was nothing. Again. He acts like he hates me in the same breath. That I'm not good enough. Sigh. It's exhausting. He burned his bridge the last time. From Ohio

  • LaLa Snyduhhh

    The words of affirmation they require are exhausting and surreal. Don’t get me wrong… I love to make the person I love feel good and appreciated. However, if every time they walk by a mirror they have to stop and stare at themselves and say things like, “Look at that handsome devil. Isn’t he the best looking guy you’ve ever seen?” It gets bizarre. That’s needy, shallow, and vain and gets old fast. It’s hard to feed that kind of an ego 🤣 At least he got the devil part right. This might be TMI but I also heard, “Aren’t I big? Don’t you like my penis?” constantly. Is there a right answer to that? It’s funny now 🙃😄

  • branbran0609

    OMG this is how I was discarded she used love languages! Mine was gifts and hers was quality time and affirmations…. Only you couldn't give her enough and she lived in another city so quality time was tricky. During the devaluation and discard she told me all my gifts didn't mean shit to her…. She wanted me all of me all the time…. I told her I can't be your everything no one can..she then told me she found someone who loves like she does.. She is full of shit

  • Brandy Bailey

    I disagree Dave that WOA and Gifts are a red flag that you’re dealing with a Narc. The book explains the origin of the language as being learned during childhood how your parents and culture express love. For instance, in gift giving, poor cultures show love by offering a cup of tea because that’s all they have to give. It’s not about how expensive the gift is. To a Narc, yes, if that is their projected love language, it matters.
    I do, however, agree they will use YOUR love language as a weapon if they are aware of it and will also project love languages they feel will feed their need for supply. I read one of the other comments here that they don’t have a love language…. my Narc who at the time first scored highest as Quality Time ( which would explain their need to follow you into a bathroom and you could never leave their site), then, he claimed it was Physical touch, ( wanting constant physical reassurance), then years later stated he feels his changed to Acts of Service… he always said his love language changed as our relationship developed…. 🤦🏼‍♀️ ummm no. Dr Chapman clearly states that your primary love language very rarely would ever change…. Brandy commenting from somewhere on Planet Venus xx

  • Barefoot Runner

    My horid creature recited the book to me. I never heard of the book before her. After the first year or so out the four we spent together she, and I'm not exaggerating, did the complete opposite of everything the author wrote about.

  • Michael Davila

    We are all chumps, weak minded acting like a girl! The pain doesn't get easier, all my friends can't understand why I would still miss her and shes with new ex supply. Fuck them all
    Old wise man told me to get over another one is to get underneath another.

  • Monica Adkins-Brown

    Oh yes, the 5 love languages! Went to a few Weekend to Remember Seminars with my ex-narc. Serving the NARC, Words of devalue, Giving all of your "gifts" to the Narc, Quality Neglect from the NARC, Physically Touching the NARC….over and over!

  • wilde4moz1

    It's unreal how these narcs are so much alike. While in marriage counseling, my ex declared that i dont understand her love language, and i need to learn it. Conveniently now, her new supply must be fluent. Or is it a carpet love bombing?

  • Debs Whitelock

    People need to stop thinking theses narks will change. We all see the Reg flags but choose to ignore them, including me. We all think we can change them or they will change but this insidious abuse gets worse.
    They have no love in their hearts and cold heartless mentally ill sad people.
    They will bring you down and destroy your heart and soul, that’s their main game.
    See them for what they truly are. We are all worth more than theses monsters and pleases get your power back and kick theses shits to the curb. Blessing to all 🙏🏽
    Thank you Dave for sharing ✌️

  • Nick W

    Thanks for reading my comment, Dave! I think narcissists have a great deal in common with many phantoms and figures from mythology and literature: vampires, sirens, succubi etc. They have plagued humanity since the beginning – UK.

  • Nick W

    Instead of anger, or hatred, I often feel extremely sorry for the narcissist, and I can't get over my desire to try to heal them. On several occasions, I caught a glimpse of the wounded child trapped within my ex. She seemed genuinely pained that she 'played games with people', 'that she sometimes took pleasure in other peoples' failure', and I got a clear sense that she knew something was not right with her and that there were things in her past that she was too ashamed to talk about. She seemed trapped, tortured and mystified by her own behaviour. I really wish I could help her, I wish I could resolve the conflict and trauma within her so that she can be whole again, but I know that that would be as unwise as it would be dangerous; it would be like trying to perform complex dentistry on a hungry lion – UK.

  • Kayla Borden

    I'm dealing with one right now. It's complicated. But I have been trying to heal and manage in the mean time. I was talking to him yesterday and being aware. I told him about my job and how I did something my client mentioned but didn't ask me to do. Just that I was happy to be able to do that extra for them. He looked at me and then started to tell me about something he did. He totally didn't acknowledge what I said. I tried to tell him that it was degrading to do that. I was calm just like two friends talking. I said short term no one is going to say anything to you. But me being with him for 5 years it's not healthy to communicate that way. He immediately took it to oh…. now I'm degrading you….. oh I did acknowledge you. I heard you. What …. several facial expressions. I knew this wasn't going good. So I said it's okay I was just trying to tell you something. If it's going there it's not a big deal….. I was able to bring him back down. Then I said, "So, you had a long day today. You worked real hard. Tell me about that". Of course he started talking about his job. I would love that he's proud of his work and to hear him. If he would just actually acknowledge me. I have to reassure myself that he's a narcissist.
    Kayla Alabama

  • Caroline R

    Thank you for this video. Great topic.
    I was at a low point when I met the ex-N, who hit my life like a force of nature.
    His opening lines were beautiful words of affirmation…my love language.
    Sigh
    He told me that he mentored junior staff (as I did). He appeared to be the man of my dreams: someone I could respect and admire, who'd treat me with respect.
    I was looking for substance behind the words, but there was none, except for the purposes of manipulation, and so it lasted only about 10 days, then vanished.
    I realised quickly that the words of admiration were only going one way — towards him.
    I felt drained, and it seemed so meaningless. I have healthy self-esteem, so I was able to leave him after a month.
    It still stings a bit that he was so fake. I can only wonder about the vast volume of women he's seduced, lovely empaths whose character traits he's studied and copied, and stuck on himself to construct the facade of being someone of integrity.

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