narcissist videos

Narcissistic Parents and The Perpetual Child: Moneybags Edition



I raised you to fund me!

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/asian-parents-expectations_n_5d2ca1c2e4b08938b098d6de

Commentary begins: 7:36

Book mention: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MT73520

Narcissistic Parents and the Perpetual Child (Part 1)


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40 Comments

  • Debbie Howes

    I was blamed for being born as I ruined my mothers life…UNBELIEVABLE!! I was her mother & had to comfort her every need..along with all of her downfalls, they were my responsibility & I had to suffer the burden for her mistakes..at 8 years old I could cook anything including baked bread..spent a lifetime trying to figure it out..bad relationship after another, just sucking me dry..no love, support or even comforted during illness or injury.
    In my 50's now & finally understand, it was never my fault..she was a very sick woman who never should have had children just to abuse both emotionally & physically..my happiness is mine to ENJOY..💞💞💞💞

  • TheDoogieT

    There was a Chinese teenager in my high school whose parents controlled his every move: no dating, working in their store every night, no friends to come over, studying to become a doctor. He killed himself in our senior year.

  • Life with Goldie and LuLu Shirley Tolbert

    I am an American and my father had the same concept. My father had a young girlfriend probably younger than me and he told me that it was my duty to take care of him when he was given most of his money to his young girlfriend. He even used the scripture that children are to honor their parents. This may not be exactly what you are talking about but it is similar to the Asian culture.

  • Wednesday's Child

    YOu have helped me so much. I was kept in the house and my accomplishments denigrated. My brother got everything in the way of praise and adulation. I was expected to take care of my mom. SLAVERY IS REAL. I cried when I tried to leave. I was 29 before I could leave and get married. Then I had to give up so much to take care of everything. I still feel like I am not allowed to have anything. I am not Chinese.

  • Meera 25

    Fear, Obligation, Guilt and Shame (FOGS) toxic Narcissistic tools to create mental fog within the children/ others. This is a deep manifestation of the Obligation part. And the child/ children who do not comply are given CRAP – Criticism, Rejection, Abandonment and Punishment.

  • beee b

    Why are you calling these people parents? They are breeders, plain and simple just as if they were breeding a type of cattle. Love has nothing to do with it. Many of the western breeders aren't that different from the Asian breeders but they feel the need to sugar up the thing, cover up the raw cruelty and coldness with sentimental simpering. Traditionally people had kids to supply free farm labor. Later kids went to factory jobs long before adolescence and gave their breeders their wages.

    Around 1900 there was something called a family "contract", except only the breeders 'signed' it. Kids gave the breeders their wages until they were 18 but after that could keep their wages to save for their own marriages and families. This sounds kindly compared to the Chinese system which must cripple future family development since one generation is sucking up almost all the resources and doing so for purposes of the grossest self indulgence rather than building up something to improve the future.

    But care of the aged was never much of a big deal in previous centuries anywhere. People simply died very young by our standards. You were old by your forties and dead in your fifties, assuming you hadn't already died much younger which was more the rule than the exception if you were female. This continued right up to about WWII when antibiotics were finally developed to treat wounded soldiers. People died of pneumonia and TB in droves until antibiotics.

    So caring for a 95 year old in one's 70s is not traditional at all; it has never been done in human history before. People need to start developing social systems to care for older people instead of breeding children to do it, but as long as they think children are the answer they won't bother, especially given their utterly selfish, self indulgent and basically stupid natures.

  • TRUECRIMES

    I can't even relate with the author, even though I understand how she feels pressured because the economy may not be offering what it once was when her parents were young. Children who weren't sabotaged, abused, scapegoated, set apart for ridicule by others, triangulated and set up for failure in childhood and adulthood should be more than happy to assist their parents in their later years. It's always the ones who had it good that don't want to help out after they've already been blessed for lack of a better word.

  • Tera Clouse

    I wasn’t groomed to take care of my Narcissistic mother but around the age of 22 I had the means to help her out some. I was raised in poverty and she remains poor intensionally. From the moment I started giving her money I permanently took responsibility for her in that way – in her eyes, until ultimately it was just expected that I was her emergency fund. My eyes were opened when I was not able to bail her out and I got dropped for someone who could. Betrayed completely because I couldn’t just keep playing the role of ATM. I realized at that point that she didn’t deserve a relationship with me. She didn’t provide for me as a child. It’s pretty simple in my view. If you want your kids to take care of you when you’re old, be nice to them when they’re in your care and be grateful when they want to help.

  • Erin Laemmle

    I think it depends on the person! Some people may be fine with these things and even need these conditions, and other people are never happy no matter what the conditions are, the grass is always greener elsewhere in other words.

  • KoncreteRoźe

    The ex 🤡was the complete opposite, he was extremely entitled. His parents are older, and with their health issues he's just waiting to collect. Took a very long time to realize they were all Narcs, he has "never" spoken of his Mother loving him, he always spoke of earning her respect. He never spoke of loving or caring for his Mother. He has bragged extensively about "her" accomplishments, her latest trip to Dubai or Copenhagen. Or the new truck she bought. Then he would turn around and devalue her for blaming him for his Father leaving her when he was a child. And all the negative things she did to him. Their relationship was cold and emotionless. I would shake my head because they didn't have common sense between the two of them. About basic things, simple things. Auto Care, House Maintenance, Relationships and the list goes on..

  • Private Private

    While filial piety may be a part of Chinese culture, I’m definitely experiencing the repercussions of the demands of it as an African American woman.

    Because my mother worked in the educational field and married a professor who did and made a name for himself in doing so, I’d always thought that getting our education and doing well was simply about pride. Still, my mother never made us feel terrible guilt about not completing our college educations. But, we’d have to be dead to not understand that it was a goal. Still with, I guess, our own personalities, psychological makeups, and the fact that this 3rd marriage was a tumultuous home to pursue education from, regardless of our parents’ careers, and regardless of the fact that my stepfather got me into the university he was teaching at, I needed to cover the cost of my education with loans and grants – because he refused to sign papers helping me to attend at a great discount – and my mother never did anything about it. I was too young at the time to even entertain any thoughts that it might be so that my mother was not trying to actually create a blended family, but simply a name via marriage for herself. I do, however, take into consideration that parents are also just human beings and are quite often very imperfect.

    It was only during the past year that I realized something was verrry wrong, began researching and discovered that my mother was very narcissistic, if not a total case of NPD.

    Filial piety might have its greatest demonstration in the narcissistic parent. My own experience has taught me that my mother doesn’t care that, while I’ve done pretty well without completion of my college degree, she has “0” empathy for the fact that any filial piety that I’d have gladly offered has been HIGHLY affected by the fact that I’ve never married, have had pretty average earnings, that the recession almost caused me to commit suicide, and that I’ll likely never recover from it. She’s disinterested in the fact that jobs are no longer something you have because you simply wanted one. The fact that it has become the norm for people to have many jobs and even careers in one lifetime, often moving from one to another every few weeks, months or years, for her, it is an indictment of my lazy character. She’s never had to work 2 jobs. I have and my sister currently works 4, that I know of, just to afford to live in a one bedroom apartment. She doesn’t want the demands of our livelihoods to interfere with her needs and the failing family business. She’s not interested in overwork negatively affecting our health and destroying any possibility of retirement. She’s even told me that I could use my sick days to take her to doctors appointments and, when asked what I’d do if I got sick, there was silence. The silence was meant to convey, “I don’t give a single fck about you.”

    The kicker, too is that, as far as I understood, when my stepfather was still alive and working, my parents were doing quite well for themselves, traveling the world on business and buying 2 homes which they paid off, one which was for the business and both that were promised each to my sister and I, when both of my parents later passed. So, particularly, as I was the child that was my mother’s confidante, took her where she needed to go, built her personal and business websites, although my parents often helped me financially, filial piety was never discussed, nor demanded – until now.

    It isn’t that it is discussed as a topic now either. It is that my mother demands absolute reverence and obedience, now that my sister and I are pretty much in our 50s. In fact, she borrowed money from me last year, when she actually had more than I did and later used that, when I turned off the money faucet, because I smelled a rat…

    Parents like these are much like parents who simply see their children as an extra social security number, while the parent wears a halo. It appears to be a rather accepted frame of mind, in many parts of our society, that parents have children because they want human remote controls, someone to control and abuse, servants, etc. That these parents are even supposed to lord over their children, even if their children are retirees themselves. These parents don’t consider that their children should be separate, individuated human beings. They don’t care about their welfare. They’re not interested in whether or not their own needs utterly obliterate, let alone eclipse, their children’s lives.

    I’m likely well on my way to being completely disinherited, not simply because I have to survive and need a means of income to do so, but because I know how to tell my mother no. Early last year, my mother was enraged one day, when I wouldn’t leave my job early – to take her food shopping. She told me that I need to understand what was at stake, which was that she was in some scramble to prepare for a township inspection or possibly be fined or lose her home. I explained to her that I knew exactly what was at stake. That I’d asked her to clean up her act for at least 5 years, because this was coming and she wouldn’t do it. That I wasn’t going to sacrifice being vetted for possibly the best job I’d ever had in my life – because she’d refused to clean up her house. No doubt, with other actions she’s taken in the past year, she feels that as a parent, she can run completely roughshod through our lives and we must silently comply and clean up her messes, even when it’s obvious that she is being destructive. As my younger sister is unaware of what is actually going on as, she is financially desperate and equally desperate for my mother’s love, she’s the new Golden Child and is getting a free house this year, without hardly showing her behind for most of her life. Buuut, what a narcissistic parent wants is exactly someone who is just dying to be love bombed, who doesn’t question them and will hurl their life under a bus for their parent. Buuut, as my sister doesn’t understand what’s going on, she doesn’t understand that the only way she’ll likely escape the devaluation phase, is if my mother dies soon enough. Plus, she may become so sick of being mom’s slave, she may begin to predate mom, as well. Never mind that she’ll likely take both properties as, she’s currently too poor to live in one. Yep, it’s ugly.

    I used to think we had a great relationship. That she was a loving and engaged parent. She’s discarded all of that. One might claim dementia but, I know the differences between dementia and NPD.

  • Janice Murphy

    It is selfish, sick ignorance to raise your children like old age insurance to give to me or to a parent is pathetic!!! I agree 500000000 percent of what you have said ,it is wrong, wrong, wrong !!!! This is what Satan has said about us,that we only serve God for what we can get. God is a parent too and He loves us !!! He has given us the way we should go leading a healthy and productive life!!! He has given us freedom to choose and He only want genuine love from us parents should be more like Him God created the human life, parents played a part, but I cannot say anymore that you have said !!!! You have presented a very delightful and wonderful video full of truth and honesty and wisdom!!! Man is so full of himself!!! I could say more but you nailed it !!!!!!! Thank you so very much for your honesty and empathy and wisdom!!!!

  • Rebecca Phillips

    Maybe if the Chinese government wasn't mandatorily murdering it's children to maintain a one child policy, the parents wouldn't be so motivated out of fear to instill this mentality in the one child they could ONLY invest in. If they had the freedom to actually have a family of any size, they would be able to share a financial burden. ..if this was coming from a Chinese family in the US/UK I'd be on board with you PTE.. but in this case, context is everything.

  • anony maus

    My mum actually "got paid" to look after me and my siblings.

    Now she won't let any of us grow up and be adults and have our own lives. Because then she wouldn't be able to justify the enormous "salary" which she receives from my father to "look after" us.

    She doesn't actually spend the money on anybody other than herself. But she likes to pretend that she is running some kind of charity service for her adult children.

    I hate her.

  • Planet de la Tourette

    8:57 I strongly object to the transactional quality of employer-employee relation, which you present as normal. I've heard: "If you don't like it, you can leave." But that's not how we are married. Friction is inherent to this relation. My love is demanded. I've used strictly transactional to f with these people's head: "so you thought you liked rational…" There is a lot of hate on the work floor. By many. But the employer is always looking to get more out of you. And about that there is nothing transactional. It is abuse of power. As I like to say: my employer fundamentally hates employees and customers. The employer demands that I give up an irrational part of what I'm worth, with a smile. That's our culture.

  • Ryno Agenbach

    As the 59 year old scapegoat 'victim' of a NPD mother, I KNOW this kind of INFO is crucially IMPORTANT, because these demons operate under cover, clandestinely, shrewdly as to HIDE THEMSELVES while sowing their DESTRUCTION!!! AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE your voice!!!

  • T Palmer

    My parents expect me to take care of them too. My Mother is deceased and I look forward to the day my father follows. I believe in the Bible and Jesus said the poor will always be with you My Parents wouldn't let me get an education so he can join me in poverty.

  • jason cr.

    That is so twisted. Mind blown.
    One trait of the norms that I can't wrap my head around is the doing things to help people with full expectation that they are owed something for it and even expressing entitlement toward seeing absolute resolution of the contract that was entered into by accepting this help.
    This is normal? Yes.
    Does this put these brand of otherwise sensible people in the bad kid box? No.
    But now that we're talking about it, simple ignorance and the more complicated lack of proper understanding on the issue, please feel free to loathe your own wretched self serving agenda for a few minutes at least before trying to fix this really kind of psychopathic pattern of interacting with the world.

  • Ny B

    I don’t think I’d last in Asian culture if this is truly the case 🙁 I’d find a way to escape because I am far too independent and this would drive me to the point of insanity. My parents in no way command this type of behavior and even if they did I’d tell them to go pound sand. Ugh this makes me angry 😤 Children are completely autonomous beings and in no way obligated to be a slave to parents. Favors should derive from the heart, not beaten out of them via manipulation tactics. 🤯

  • Snap

    Hey PTE, at some point is it possible for you to do a video on Narcissist traits among the YouTube community. I think some of these YouTubers have a hard time distinguishing hate and constructive criticism. Once the money comes in it goes to their heads. I don’t think they are true narcissists but there are some entitled traits in these YouTube streets. Thanks!

  • Yasira Osiris

    The set up of society is narcistic. People are set up by government to be perpetual children by keeping dependent on the government & banking system – we need to become part of the rest of life to grow up = become decentralized, learn to grow our own food and become self sufficient like the rest of the other species on earth

  • Mary Lane

    I was the youngest child and the underdog. My sister and brothers didn't particularly like because I was my mother's baby. I was family' oriented. They were for them and whoever they married and their kids. Now I went for my self and ran circles around their asses. Now they want to say it is me but it was them. All are dead, or lost their homes or never had one. My daughter is moving into her brand new home soon and their children are dead, homeless and drug addicts. I thank you Lord that I made it through to NO DAM HELP OF MY FAMILY.

  • Angela Falsetta

    Strike a chord? This is a right on the money! I went NC after my NF died to a Covert NM and NB! NM demanded I leave my life on hold for her while continuing the Narc Abuse! Also, went with NB to ALTER the TRUST behind my back and refused me any copy. COERCION CONTROL!! Thus, psychological Forced Servitude! TYSM for this video!

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