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Narcissistic Fathers – Dr. Ramani



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36 Comments

  • David

    My father is also my boss at work. I somehow manage to not speak to him most days, and therefore, not be spoken to. While this is a very messed up way through the daily grind, the lack of demeaning incidents has dropped to about only once every other month or so instead of once per week.

  • Anthony Ramirez

    This video was hard for me to watch. I’m struggling so much with wanting a relationship with my dad that will probably never happen. He is so invalidating and it’s really painful. I didn’t get him anything for Father’s Day because I felt that he didn’t deserve it; And, in some way, it might condone his behavior. Regardless, I feel like I’ve needed this video for quite a while and I’m glad it exists 😌

  • M M

    As much as I like to watch and learn from this video, the audio hurts my ears and unfortunately I can't continue watching. I don't know why the audios are constantly disturbing.

  • Luna

    My real dad and stepdad are both narcissistic it made me feel like I got left by two dads in my life. Knowing the knowledge now I see why I fear abandonment but having self awareness it’s helped me on my road to healing. Thank you for sharing and helping people who have and are still currently suffering alone.

  • Francine Marcelin

    Dr. Ramani, you have just described the family dynamic among myself, my ex-husband, and my three children (two older daughters, one younger/only son). The lifelong scenarios were just as you laid them out, and the impact not only on my own life, but the lives of my three now-adult children has been rather devastating, to put it mildly. The daughters seem to display most of their father's characteristics, while the son has more awareness and is making a conscious effort to not follow in his father's footsteps when it comes to raising his own children. I am now almost 70 years old, and it has taken me the last 15 years or so to finally put a finger on my marital issues as well as some personality traits which were the result of my own dysfunctional upbringing. These issues are hard to face, and even harder to change. Thank you for shedding more light on these subjects.

  • Rod Morrison

    Love
    Language
    Leadership
    Three charactist that boys need to learn to become a great father. (My 2 cents worth)

    Unfortunately men seem to be painted with the broad negative attributes of narcissisism.
    We can acknowledge and validate the faults of both a narcissist dad & mom, but the real healing comes from knowing what real love is and how to Love. The Language that we use and the Leadership that is required.

    Unfortunately, much of the learning on how to be a great dad comes from a women's perspective. This is not to invalidate any input they may have, but we need to be careful not to raise boys that cannot hand pressures of life. Men are generally are less emotional, and can be harsh in their Language approach, but that is where the Love needs to balance their Leadership.

    As you mentioned… overcoming the sins of those fathers, to become great dad's.

  • Liz S

    I don’t know how I ended up with a husband like this! My children and I are damaged goods after living years with someone like this. I’m positive our healing will start the day we get control of our lives and leave. Thank you for this video.

  • shaveer Love

    My Father was a Narcopath….He died 20 months ago and 6 months before he died with alzheimers his mask was permanantly off….He Looked at everyone like he wanted to kill them…..My sister said 2 months before my father died that he looked at her with the craziest eyes and made her feel like he wanted to kill her… He was so manipulative right up until the last 4 months of his life ….he denied any wrong doing and was always the victim…..He would cry and i would say your not crying and then he would stop at that very moment and fly into a rage and shake his fists at me and call me the worst names you could imagine …We know now that was projection and devaluing….. When some time would go by like days or hours maybe he would start love bombing and then the cycle would continue…….When we were Kids he was out of this world manipulative and i can't believe we made it through cause sometimes he was just so cruel and unpredictable…..It was pure torture not Knowing how he was gonna act maybe today he was nice and tomorrow he was cruel….I remember i used to say to myself ' i wonder how dad's gonna act today mean or nice ' ??? It was pure Hell

  • shaveer Love

    I'm here Dr Ramani….Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy …Thank god for you and all the others here on Youtube doing these Narcissist videos….I was lost 15 Months ago and Now i feel like i have my Life back……..Thank You

  • Samantha Derrick

    Also I see more commonly the children o f Academics. One narc's father is a professor at John Hopkins University. His advice for his 3 sons is..if you choose to sleep around just "make sure you dont end up like Kobe. He has a total disregard for human beings! ppl are like objects! he cares for his reputation/image to the world more than the actual person therye hurting

  • Kept Grits

    In the household I grew up in, there was never any positive reinforcement from Dad. He either was cuttingly sarcastic, bragging about himself, or pitting us children against each other for his attention. Still to this day I struggle with trying to find validation. I was taught women weren’t supposed to have dreams and ambitions. I still find myself waiting for permission, and expect rejection. It’s something that I have never gotten passed. Now at 57 I struggle with anxiety attacks.

  • Lesbian Amazon Sister

    Is it common for fathers to be nice and supportive when daughters when the daughters are little, but then as the daughters more and more grow to resemble adult women the fathers become progressively more distant and resentful?
    I've had this discussion with quite a few other women who also have fathers who loved us when we were little girls, but hate us and call us "bitches" and other misogynist slurs now that we're grown women.
    Any thoughts?

  • Daphne Ong

    I second the request for something on narc mothers. I know you mentioned many times that narcissism is more common in men, but most of the people I encountered with a narc parent had narc mothers. Maybe it's that I tend to be drawn to daughters of narc mothers or my own projections, but I'm interested in your take on it in addition to the lots of reading I've done on it.

  • Alexis Crawford

    My father is a narcissist, my mother has BPD. My sister and I have struggled with validation and relationships our whole lives. She is still single and has decided to remain so. She doesn’t even want children because she wants to break the cycle, which makes me so sad.

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