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Narcissism Why do Narc Mothers hate their Daughters?



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44 Comments

  • Infinite Wisdom

    It's true. If you listen to what they project on you it's how they feel about themselves. My mother is now 80, dependent on me and the most vile unsympathetic person I've ever met in my life. She actually jumps up and down and stomps her feet like child when there is any conflict. Nothing is ever good enough and her issues are always above yours. I've even had my mother tell me to kill myself when I'm depressed. My brother never helps her and is still the golden child. I would never dream of treating my daughter in such a manner. But I've also never been jealous of my daughter and was far more mature and put together as a parent. I secretly cannot wait until she is dead and gone.

  • Jennifer Biedermann Jewelry

    I am dealing with a narcissistic mother I am 48 years old. I have bags under my eyes from constant drama constant. It never ends its one week good one week extremely bad. When you need a parent who is a narcissist be prepared for an uphill battle. They will rip your heart out if they don’t don hear what they want to hear. And when they do wow well the compliments roll in them whoops your nothing again a worthless daughter. Up and down up and down. Love is never consistent. I cry at work at home I get angry i want to cut her off then wham back in my life. Why because I feel guilty she is my mother. How I deal with my mother? As soon as she gets out of line I end the conversation and hang up. She calls me back to tell me most of the family don’t like me i then end the conversation and hang up. I then receive 3 emails first one saying I am ungrateful and she lists everything she has done for me. Second email is follow up of the first more lists of everything she had done. Third email telling me everything will be ok I love you. How do I deal with that!! I can’t flush her she’s my mother and 76 years old which she reminds me on a daily basis.

  • poembryo

    I think this is an unhealthy and wholely inaccurate stance on this phenomenon. Narcissistic mothers view their daughters as an extension of themselves. Adolescence is the start of a daughter's exploration of her identity and sense of self. The daughter's burgeoning independence is viewed by a Narcissistic mother as a threat to that forced enmeshment. She desperately tries to clip the daughter's wings so to speak in order to maintain this false idea that the daughter is a part of who she is.

  • Du-du Matzkò

    My mother loathed me and cursed me everyday. She said nobody will ever want me. I rebuked her curses and I also forgave her 16 years ago. She died 31 years ago. I'm 51.
    Guess what, even tho I did not accept her curses over my life, no man wants me. Funny how her curses didn't lift off my life. I'm ok now but sometimes I fall deap into total sadness. I would've liked to be loved just like I want to love someone as well

  • J S

    My mother didn’t love me. She treated me like absolute shit my entire life. Even as a toddler, she would poke and prod at my body and make fun of me. She would call me fat in me teenage years when she KNEW that I was struggling with anorexia. This bitch who I called “Mom” even let her boyfriend molest me (as a toddler). She never loved me. She wanted me to hurt.

    I hope I have a daughter in the future so I can give her all the love that my mother never gave me.

  • princess Jasmine

    I hate the word jealousy my mums jealous of me i smile at everyone and am happy when there doing well im getting older the younger girls of course are pretty but one day theyll be older these beautiful young girls beauty is in the inside not the outside that matters . I have never projected anything on to my son my job is to love him and i want if i have a daughter to be beautiful and succesful and follow her dreams if anything she learned me to love . She does everything like a competition against me it makes me sad because its a waste of a life . Life is not about the material things and competing . She says i should hit my son if he does something bad like she did but no i will not i am his mother i am the one who makes him feel at home the one who loves him and makes him feel safe and loved . Hitting a child never solves anything and being jealous of me she also hates my son he looks like me i think thats why

  • Tiff

    My mom is deceased but once I became an adult and left her control, she tried to compete. I graduated with a bachelor's in IT and she decided she was going to take the same computer classes. She was all talk, never started. I was like, for what. I don't remember what she said but it was ridiculous. Let's not talk about how difficult she made it for me to even go to college. It took me 8 years because of her games and lack of support. I am just realizing she was a narc in the last year. She died 11.5 years ago. I dated a narc last year and as much as I hate I went through that, it has given me insight into my mom…finally. And possibly my estranged brother. My life and choices make much more sense the more I read and watch these videos. I was,going no contact, grey rock and other methods without even knowing what they were. It was protection against what I perceived to be hatred towards me that had nothing to do with me.

  • Limmer sounds

    I have a mum like that, and it really hurts my feelings. I have a boyfriend, and she locks me in the house, even when I do little things, such as getting home a few mins late. She even calls me a bitch sometimes, it feels like all her love for me is gone. I cry almost every night, don't know how to deal with it…

  • Jen Gable

    Very true ! I can totally relate to this ! I have bent over backwards trying to help her and the situation that she constantly puts HERSELF in, even quitting a job ! When I sat back and realized what had been done to me.. I became furious ! I realized I had been manipulated and basically beaten down by her manipulation, lies, jealously, mental and verbal abuse for decades ! When you call her out on it..you are the one with the problem…? right ? the " bad daughter"… it has been INSANE and covered up for too long !!

  • S W

    I am 35 and I looked for my mothers love my whole life. I finally accepted that bitch will never love me and I sent her a text message. I’m sure the truths I wrote hit hard but I’m just glad I had the courage to tell her. I will never have children because I’m afraid I’d be mentally and emotionally abusive to them. I hope one day I can let go of the rage towards my mother inside.

  • Angie Steding

    Tom, thank you so much for assisting women with this powerful video. My mother is the woman you described to a T.
    I feel it’s very important that daughters in this situation know it’s not that they’re a ‘bad girl’, it’s that they’re mother has deep suffering.
    Thanks for the love!

  • carlamarie110

    But what if the abuse started from the young age of 3yrs old all the way through to adulthood , late adulthood.
    I used to ask people that new her , why does she (NM) treat me with contempt and rage. They would say she's jealous.
    I couldn't comprehend that. I thought to myself no that can't be what's there to be jealous of. And this was at the age of 12 I was asking this question.
    I wasn't particularly attractive at age 12. Really had nothing special about me. I didn't have any special talents, didn't have many friends
    , I was bullied at school. Wasn't a good student. The only thing I was good at was being VERY obedient and catered to any of her needs.
    Keep her happy by being funny, cooking, cleaning etc. You know the worst part about it all is the so called smear campaign.
    The lies she would tell my sister and any other person what a horrible person I was. But she would gossip about anyone to make them look bad.

    She absolutely had no conscience. She would get a thrill out of others misfortunes and misery. And she was a major pathological liar.
    And loved playing the victim because it made her look good to others outside the family.
    And she loved the attention being a victim brings. She was a master manipulator. I used to think she was possibly sexually abused.
    But now I think she lied about that also to make the other person look bad and to get sympathy from others.
    She is a narcissistic sociopath. I've seen that evil grin on her face , when something unfortunate happened to someone. And the evil eye , if looks could kill!
    I believe from observation and years of experience with this, that not all narcissists were not sexually abuse or had a troubled childhood.
    How many people have had horrendous childhoods and still have deep empathy and compassion for others?

  • brandon dorman

    I was playing out side with my friends and i was at my house and my mom came out saying "What are you doing"
    And i said "Playing out like you said."
    And guess what she said to me "Get in NOW."
    and i said "Why?"
    And she said "Because your fucking mouth talking back to me."
    And i said "No i didn't."
    And guess what she walked up to me grabbed me hands and squeezed i t and dragged me in front of my friends and pushed me into the floor an
    making me fall to the floor and i went upstairs and she did the painting
    my friends asked "Can she come out again?"
    My mom said "No. never."
    I was crying in my room wanted my dad and i knew she hated me
    1 like for me to feel better. 😢

  • Moonlight Lady

    Tom, when my mother and her Golden Child and Flying monkeys (my brother siblings) contrived to celebrate her 90th birthday away from her home, secretly, without telling me, or inviting me, I KNEW, BEYOND ALL DOUBT, that the psychiatrist I talked to a few years prior, was absolutely right. My mother is a covert narcissist. My elder brother – her Golden Child, her creation – is a dangerous, delusional, self-serving, criminal-minded sociopath, who would do ANYTHING in order to contrive to benefit financially from her death. I didn't speak about this on this channel before, in case my thread was recognised, but I can safely announce now, that 2.5 years after her death, the Golden Child, with the assistance of the two flying monkeys, took a stab at the family trust and tried to extract a huge sum of money from it. The other scapegoat and I banded together and stopped this heist, and the story has a happy ending for the scapegoats. The flying monkeys are stewing in the filthy juices of their deceit and cruelty and enabling of the Golden Child. The Golden Child has been 'outed', publicly, for the criminal mind that he is. A sibling who would steal his other siblings' inheritance if he could. When our father specifically made out his wishes that we all shared equally in the final distribution, the Golden Child and his Narcissist mother thought that they set things up to roll the GC's way after her death. They were slam dunked, and I wish that my narc mom could have even entertained the thought that her golden creation would be thwarted and humiliated after her death.

  • planetizationrising

    My narc mother did seem jealous of me when I was in puberty. She over-identified with me and projected all her self-loathing onto me. She was also bisexual (I know this only from certain things she said) but grew up in the 1940's in a sexually repressive Catholic household.. She projected this self-hatred onto me. I was very isolated because of her emotional abuse and one day I was leaving the house. going somewhere and she deliberately slammed the front door right behind me, thinking I was going to a Gay Pride Rally which was being held that day but had nothing whatever to do with me. Once going up the staircase behind her she deliberately reached behind her to hold the back of her housedress flat against her body as though she expected I would try to look up her dress!!! I was mortified, furious and disgusted at the implication, but said nothing. Once I offered to sew the button back onto a male friend's shirt. She intrusively (as usual) opened the bag with the shirt while I was out of the room, and from then on suspected I was a cross-dresser!

    Once she burst through the door of my upstairs apartment (my parents had a two-family house) when I had a girlfriend (just a friend) who I'd known from junior high school over, as if to try to catch us making out. She also burst through the door years later when I had a boyfriend over and I was in my mid-twenties! Since around the age of 12, she would deliberately pick fights with me then shout "I'm not talking to you!" and then not talk to me for weeks, even months on end. If she was forced to tell me dinner was on the table or something ;like that, she'd call me "girl" and speak in an overly-harsh voice so that I wouldn't get the mistaken notion that it was an opening to talk to her. If we crossed paths on the street, she'd look straight ahead and pretend she didn't know me.

    But her projected homophobia was the worst. She didn't want me to eat off any dishes she ate with, or even use pots and pans she cooked her food in because she imagined I'd somehow, somewhere had oral sex with a woman and therefore anything my mouth touched was tainted!!!! My sister was the Golden Child and we were triangulated, but my sister had a cruel streak as well. Once, we were adults then, her married, me divorced, and my sister accidentally on purpose let me know that my mother confided in her that I "disgusted her". It was such a shock and such a blow. I'd suspected as much from the way she treated me, but never thought it was such a conscious aversion on her part that she even told my sister how she felt. I'm in therapy now and have a lot more self-awareness and my mother is long dead, but I suffered a lot emotionally for many years and it affected my relationships because of her over-identification with me and her being a covert narc.

  • Poet Victoria Hunter

    Both my parents are, and It was hell. My father until he died was a severe narc, he even told everyone I would pay for your his funeral when he died, even though he rejected me, looked down on me, never took care of me, and was gone from my life for 20 years. All he did was surround himself with people he could use, for whatever. He had no use for me even as his child cause he couldn't use me. My mother hovers and have put me through pure hell. My mother acts envious of me. I been attacked in every way by my mother, including physically for not showing a reaction from her emotional abuse and verbal abuse.

  • Catina's Place

    Your doing a great PSA. I've been wanting to tell others about this but your doing just great!
    I look alot like my mother and I things it make her hate me more. I'm on a no contact w/ her and she has they family turned against me. You are so correct because her level of self-hate is
    deep. I've achieved much and she hates me.

  • Shannon Shippee

    As an adult I know now that it is wrong for a mother to spit on you and scream how much they hate you when you are five. Its not just "well we were poor because of your father, but now the government gave me this nice house and we are divorced so I am better. Plus you are crazy and mentally ill just like your father."

  • Shannon Shippee

    What I can't understand is I have a special kind of narssiatic mother, the pity me miser narc. She never tried to do anything to herself to pretty herself up or be successful. Wait… She did use her govetment house as a way to make herself better than me as an adult, and also her friends. She also did get herself laser eye surgery. In retrospect she really did play the I'm better than you jealousy game. But just always reveled in being poor and flaky and enjoyed talking about her victimhood and low self esteem because of poor little her. And she would go on and on about how poor her and her sad self esteem and why she couldn't do anything better than fold boxes at a factory, plus, well, she didn't have to try harder cause she "didn't feel like it and besides she had a goverment house for practically free so why bother"

  • Shannon Shippee

    It is wrong to make your kid stay inside all summer vacation with no food and entertainment of any kind, hush do not tell anyone or go near windows. If your so poor that you can get a nice house from the government, why couldn't you not torture your child by not getting them medical care, school lunch, or not have them spend summers crying and depressed at only five Years old. Answer because you hated them and when you tell your child you want them to die as a little kid, and you want them to kill themselves and no one will care they are just crazy as a teen, well burn in hell woman because you will get yours someday. Regardless of what you may think.

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