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Narcissism Trigger One Day At a Time



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24 Comments

  • S Stone

    I would say, instead of supply, as if some 'need', it would moreso be intentionally a selfish unconscionable person using ANYTHING, knowing you are beaten down, as a diversion and headgame to further destroy your reasoning and person. They above all wish to excuse their abuse

  • S Stone

    If they aren't right with you, go with NOTHING they offer, knowing they are warped. They wish to trap you in pain and reaction while attempting to use your response. The issue is their illegitimacy. I call their efforts at the very least, harassment and abuse

  • grand454

    Somewhere along the line, someone educated my narc. Mom on elder abuse. After we reconnected and her opinion of me shifted from her savior to her nemesis, she tried to flit my words and actions into her template of elder abuse. Even calling me an abuser when I asked her nicely to stop cussing at me and stop calling me names. She claimed that telling her what to say was elder abuse. It seemed like she was looking for any excuse where she could appear to be a victim and gain sympathy from others. This was one of her MOs: observing something bad happening to people or hypothetical people, and trying to put herself in the same situation no matter who she had to throw under the bus to achieve her fantasy.

  • iwish itwassnowing

    Hi Narcissism Survivor,

    I just want to validate your view of what you had experienced because I've experienced the same thing. Before I come to that, allow me to give you some background. I was born to covertly narcissistic parents. My mother was the one who was more desperate and needy of supply; while my father clearly had narcissistic traits, his traits of co-dependence (on my mother) were more apparent. I was the scapegoat; my twin sister was the golden child.

    Before I talk about how my mother reacted to TV shows like your narcissist, I think it is necessary to understand how she created the foundations for the narcissistic-scapegoat relationship from which to ensure narcissistic supply. From the ages of 5-9, she brought me to the hospital, feeding false information to doctors so she could force them to come up with some medical diagnosis for me. Her main claim was that I walked with a slight limp and that the development of motor skills and intellect were slower than my twin.While it might have been true that I walked with a slight limp, ( today my right foot is about 2cm smaller than my left; I need special insoles and shoes because of my high arches) the claim that I was developmentally slower was a lie. She knew this, because I was reading books on my own by age five, had the best Chinese handwriting in class by age 6 (better than hers, actually), was effectively bilingual by age 9 and coping well as I attended one of the best schools in the country. In fact, because my sister and I were born premature, we received cognitive development tests regularly till we were about 8. The psychologist had clearly stated that we had no problems in our cognitive development and intelligence. Yet, when I was 9, after all those visits when doctors told her that there was "no real problem" and that she "didn't need to be too concerned", that there was no real "diagnosis" they could give for the "condition" she was claiming I had, she finally managed to wrestle a diagnosis from an associate professor, who came up with the diagnosis "spastic hemiplegia with underlying cerebral palsy". "Spastic hemiplegia" was used to describe my slight limp; "cerebral palsy" was used to describe my supposed mental retardation.This was a deliberate misdiagnosis, because I did not walk with the gait pattern people with spastic hemiplegia do, neither did I face the kind of physical challenges they do; and, as pointed out, I already had a written assessment from a psychologist proving I was developmentally normal. (I discovered 6 years later that the associate professor might have been motivated to make this misdiagnosis because he was using an improved procedure (akin to how keyhole surgery is an improved alternative to open surgery) for this kind of surgery at that time, which I suppose would have been good to put on his resume.) As a result of this misdiagnosis, I was forced against by will to undergo surgery on my right foot, a tendon transfer, where he cut my tendon in half and pulled it outwards to attach it to a muscle near the edge of a foot. That was supposed to correct the tendency of right foot to turn inwards rather than outwards. However, I know that this was just a natural reaction to the over-supination I had when I walked due to my stiff ankles and high arches. ("Over supination is what happens when the foot and ankle lack the flexibility and ability to prontate or roll to the inside edge of the foot…many people who over supinate have a genetic predisposition to high arches and stiff feet"-indigokinetics.com) My over-supination has been very effectively corrected by the right shoes and custom insoles. I didn't need the surgery at all and she knew it. She highjacked a simple ailment which could be easily corrected and managed, with the sanction of a medical authority made it into something it was not, and in so doing, call my very physical health and intellect into question. Having obtained the written diagnosis, and validated it with a surgery, she now had a golden ticket to get narcissistic supply from me from that time on until I left home. Whenever she felt like it, she would bring up my "condition" to shame me for, use it to show how tolerant she was with me despite my physical and intellectual "inadequacies", recount how she paid a good $2000 for my surgery when she didn't have the money (this too was a lie), indoctrinate me with the "fact" that everything she did was all for my good. She went on this diatribe whenever I did not give her the supply she wanted when she wanted it- not praising her enough, not thanking her enough, not anticipating her needs before she expressed them, saying anything to her or about her that would even hint at any form of criticism of her, doing anything which she thought might threaten her self-image (which included yawning in public without covering my mouth), questioning any of her decisions and authority.

    The diagnosis and surgery cemented the narcissist-scapegoat relationship, in which she could play the all-giving, self-sacrificial mother to me, the ingrate, rebellious, immature daughter. That was "the script" I had to abide by. To her, it was the perfect pretext because she knew that I, then a child, could not argue against the medical "expertise" of a recognised and respected "professional". So, as mentioned, not only had she managed to discredit my physical health and intellect, whenever I protested against her decisions (especially regarding issues related to my misdiagnosis and surgery and how she handled them) or voiced my opinions at her behaviour (such as screaming at my father, brother and domestic helper)all of which I did politely she also labelled me as "ungrateful", "over-critical" and oversensitive, thereby managing to call my morality and mental health into question also. Programme Abuse360 was up and running. And it all stemmed from one blatant lie which she had orchestrated about one small ailment. Now all she had to do was download the programme into me. This was her main endeavour during the time I stayed in the same house. However, given the fact that I am writing this post now, the download clearly failed. Haha. But then again, of course it had to. It was based on a lie.

    Having established that background, let me go on to talk about how she would hijack the dialogue or plot on TV shows to supplement "the script". I come from a country where the official languages are English, Mandarin Chinese, Malay and Tamil (a south Indian language). Depending on which cross-section of the population one is from, one would usually speak English and one of the other languages with varying levels of proficiency. Although everyone in my family could speak Mandarin, we were more comfortable with English. My siblings and I studied in English. Thus, English was used at home; Mandarin was rarely used.

    (continued in the next post)

  • Life begins

    Thank you for this video Tom, and I hope your surgery goes well and improves your life. My example is not a TV show, but is related to the narcissist taking on the persona of someone else. My narcissist is my expartner, and things started to go weird just after he moved in with me. Some of the first signs were just that, weird and disturbing – as well as the rages and all the rest – but anyway, this is what happened. We were in the kitchen washing up (one of the few occasions when he helped me), when, in the middle of the conversation we were having, his voice suddenly changed and he sounded like a sort of pantomime dame, overly camp sort of person. I asked him "why has your voice changed?", and he said "it's an act I've been doing for so long I can't stop". In retrospect I know what he means, and this was a rare moment of truth from him, as about a year after this I met the man who is possibly the only "friend" my ex has, a lovely man old enough to be our father, who does this voice as a spoof. So my ex appropriated his "friend's" fake voice as his own from time to time, and as time went on I realised that my ex modelled himself on this man to a much greater extent than I realised. (Unfortunately, when we split up, the man, who is now in his eighties, was devastated, having never seen the side of my ex which I have, and I have had to cut contact with him. That is very painful for me, but he has no idea he is being used.)

  • Anonymous Follower

    This must have been so confusing to you as a child. Maybe she needed you to watch so she could brainwash (or gaslight) you into being part of her delusion. They are excellent actresses, so playing this role and fooling others was no doubt easy for her. I'm sure she played many roles over the years, whichever one suited her best at the time. But this one, is the very strangest I've ever heard. Good luck to you with your surgery, so very glad to have you back!

  • Vive La France

    omg YES!It's another narc-'ism'.Poor you because this was a weekly broadcast so you had a new fresh script of shit you were gonna be 'guilty' of as your weirdo narc x mom assumed the identity of Ann Romano. How bizarre and kinda adds to the plot that YOU, at your young age, recognized the pattern and the source of YOUR newfangled faux Ann Romano there at the house.Odd also that her kids ewre 2 teenage GIRLS (BTW did you notice Annabel Lee is a dead-ringer for Valerie Bertanelli?) My narc x Mom assumed much of the script fromthe movies and one in particular i recall was she mimicked much of the script of character Margaret White from the film Carrie My narc x mom found my diary and read it of course, and said, (quote) "Come.We'll burn it together" and she locked me in the closet under the basement stairs and tried to make me PRAY as punishment for some imagined sleight..just like in the movie. My narc also assumed the role of Francine Fishpaw in the John Waters movie POLYESTER.Crazy and right down to getting a bell an ringing it at bottom of stairs to announce dinner was on the table.She also accused me of having report card that was straight F'sand that never happened! That was in the movie! She also used to threaten me that if I ever got pregnant,that she'd send me to a home for unwed mothers and make me go on a hayride in the rain with the nuns.Crazy! ANd it's all mirroring the script of the movies. Leads me to think narcs really have NO personality of their own and they become delusional and imagine they Are the characters on the screen.Oh! She also woke me up in the middle of the night and made me scrub the bathroom tiles with comit cleanser and a toothbrush. MOMMIE DEAREST she was mimicking.Weird thing about that is I had not SEEN that movie till a couple years ago so that was very odd to see a life-event played out on the screen and think…"Ah. OK.That's where the inspiration for that event came from" What normal parent does this?Takes cues from fictional characters!WEIRD! Oh another scene was my narc x mom found cigaretttes in my jean jacket as a teen and tried to make me sit and smoke the entire pack in front of her. I cannot recall which movie that scene came from but I did see that later in a movie too.Narcs are highly UNORIGINAL. One TV immitation I DO recall she did was she started dresing like and acting like Bea Arthur's character MAUDE, wearing those long vests and doing her hair like her.She already had the booming voice so it was not a long stretch.

  • Christine Miller

    My narc husband will pitch a fit, swear on his mother's grave, throw her picture and stomp his feet and leave the bedroom. All I did was ask him to roll over because he was snoring. He will swear he was awake before he pitches a fit. He has done this several times. He doesn't apologize and acts like nothing happened. He is taking medication for bipolar disorder. He will not talk about it.

  • YogaMom

    My NM didn't do this with TV, but she did it in church….when ever the priest would have a sermon, no matter what it was about, she'd look over at us, give us a sly look, and say "see, if only you didn't do ___________ or if you did do __________" then there would be peace in our house. UGH…the song "Let there be peace on earth" is one of my worst triggers…part of the lyrics say "let it begin with me" and she would give us the evil look that WE needed to shape up.

  • smoothandchunky1

    This is so true! My ex narc father would pick up nuances from other people's personalities. For example he spoke clearly then one day his pronunciation of the letter "S" was cause for his lips to stick out. Only the letter S.
    In a very rare moment my Mom called him out on it and mimicked his new found "S". Funny moment because he appeared caught.
    Whenever he got called out on trivial matters he got this stupid smile on his face. It was a forced smirk and he would sort of freeze in place. A "gotcha" moment.
    Otherwise attempts to bust him on things were cause for great rage and you didn't want to take the wrath of upsetting him.
    He went back to his old S from then on.
    Point being I think they pick and choose things they like from others and mirror or mimic them.

  • Lisa S

    What you said about your narcissist coloring her hair and making herself similar to the character of the TV show reminds me of this movie "Single White Female" where the crazy character played by Jennifer Jason Leigh tries to make herself look like the character played by Bridget Fonda.

  • Lena Adamopoulos

    I beg your pardon if this may seem irrelevant but seems the whole movie industry promotes narcissistic behaviors and reassures the matching audience they belong to the main stream (husband and wife roles from the 70s in the greek movie industy is a huge trigger for me personally and everyone in the culture digs it… my x narcissist father of my children too 🙁 )

  • Elizabeth Di Francesca

    I started bowen works last week for added help with neuropathy and atrophy in my legs, and neck pain, it helped and I believe neuromuscular massage does too. Don't give up on healing and natural cures so much of this is about toxins, stress and a connection to this lifetime of lacking love and healing touch of others. I pray for you to be well

  • tami stone

    food for thought…. triggers, I sure have them…. living in the same house for 35 years is a trigger for sure. Being reminded who lived here, etc. Great food for thought… praying for your recovery and over all health…

  • Kaley Mayer

    I am sorry you went throigh this and I hooe you heal well!

    Narcs look for a model to copy. They either model someone famous in order to garner fame and attention, or someone struggling to gain sympathy.

    My mom, when my life was better than her's, would try to copy my life to gather attention and supply. If she couldn't copy, meaning my happily married life, she became negative and toxic. She would try to copy down to humiliating me with comments like, "I wish I were as skinny as you. I once was skinnier." Then blame her fatness on the stress of my brothers …

    For a long time just looking at myself in a mirror was a trigger of my mom. Eventually you heal and move on from the triggers.

  • Jennifer Cahill

    <3

    Can't think of a TV show triggering me but a book does…

    Lately I came across all of my childhood books and one in particular, The Rainbow Fish, was one of my favorites but every time I look at or think of it, all I can remember is how I wasn't allowed to have it when I wanted it. My Nmom and Nstepdad got me the book but said it was "expensive" so they would keep it high on a cupboard where I could only gaze up at it or retrieve it when I knew they were sleeping. They said if I made the AB Honor Roll that I could read it in their presence. It made that gift feel like a punishment. It still brings a lot of those sad memories whenever I see it.

  • Linda Fraser

    Yes. Very true. In my case anything her best friends child did wrong was transferred onto me and I was treated as if I did it. That child was a rebel to her N mother, I was inclined to try and please. It made no difference. It went on for decades, each time my mother met with her friend. Equally another neighbours child was always forced down my throat (metaphorical) ..Mr wonderful, perfect, kind to his parents…look how I didn't match up, whatever I did. Every time I saw my parents he was mentioned as a way to denigrate me, within an hour of me getting there, even though I hadn't seen him since I was 15…the triggers were anything to do with my mother seeing or talking to her two friends. Not the same as the TV, but this is what your talk brought up for me.

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