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Narcissism: Nothing Changes Until You Take Action



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25 Comments

  • tazzym1

    Hey Ollie – I advise you to dose yourself up with a load of Vitamin C over the next few days if you want to kick that cold out of you…thanks for the video & you are right – Nothing Changes Until You Take Action – Get well soon.

  • tazzym1

    To Anon E – You will get there with a determined attitude, you've made a start so keep it up. Get your boy pulled into line too, keeping his room tidy, sorting his laundry; mucking in is not rocket science so he could do his bit to help out. Wishing you continued healing – good luck, hugs.

  • Victory in Him

    How old is your youngest? I would give him an age appropriate list of tasks he needs to do every day to keep his room tidy and reward his efforts. In fact I would go online and get some ideas on setting up a routine for the whole family.

  • Phoenix Rescue

    AMEN! a wife/women should not have to explain this to her husband. I'm sorry I agree with ollie why would he want you to go around them? Dont go around them. I went through this EXACT same thing.
    And the man needs to stand up to his father or mother no matter what when it comes to their wife/gf and especially when their Is abuse or threat of abuse involved. This happened to me and now I cant believe the bullshit of excuses I listened to and went along with.

  • ZOLTAR

    Glad you ditched the Paxil. That stuff is addictive & brutal. Does more harm than good & check class-action lawsuit against that crap. Immediate 50+ LB weight gain & stops working then up & up goes dr's script of dosage & then chronic exhaustion comes, blunt mood & robot like existence, zero sex drive & creativity= zilch. Not fun…missing life's irreplaceable, time-sensitive details like kids' childhood years; not something to be experienced in pill-induced fog. Paxil's a joy sucker. Avoid. Rapid improvement sensed mighta been induced mania. Avoid it…& I'm glad you did soon after taking that med…( what I wrote there was meant more a caveat to viewers should any Dr. ever try to prescribe it. Paxil=bad.)

    So true about boomers (& other generations' narcs too) talkin' down to adult us as if we're incompetent & they're our superiors, lording over us and obnoxiously trying to dominate…the intolerable gall of those bloody narcs. Avoiding 'em all is a great blanket- recommendation…
    Interactions with any Narcs is as bad as or worse than any pharmaceutical.
    AnonymousE…
    You sound much better, more balanced and in tune to what's happened, what's happening & what you want to happen. Keep up with & amp up the full, permanent No contact & ensure hubby's on the same page.

    Keep letting your kids know who's manning the household & diplomatically keep exercizing your stance as Mom who lovingly advises "Clean your room. Try your best."
    You're doing alright.
    Life's improving. It'll keep getting better the longer you're away from narcs.

    Enjoy parenthood. Time whips by faster than we realize and the children grow up so fast so take/make time to experience thd beauty in their childhood cuz there's no repeat button. Sentimentality. 💗

  • Diane the Invisible

    Alcoholics Anonymous says one is never cured, but he is successful when he remains 100% away from alcohol. I disagree. I think one is successful, yes cured, when he is able to drink like a normal person. This is the road I have travelled.

    Comparatively, successful dealing with a narcissist is not rejecting them 100%. Nope. It is learning about the behavior, coming to terms with reality and the NARC's limitations, then establishing a new guarded relationship, applying the wisdom to recognise what one has learned. We are wiser, we learned, we can guardedly interact with the narcissist. Witnessing their warped behavior is highly validating. We are stronger now, than we were. I am resuming low contact.

  • HealingArts

    I feel ollie was wrong about the room cleaning with the children to an extent. If they feel threatened they know thats forbidden to say and may well be dissociated about the fact and feel locked in all directions and threatened. Its their room to do with what they want, their space. It should not be invaded period. Children are not made to be manipulative. If left to themselves they will take care of themselves and if they dont, that means you have to start questioning what is weighing down their healthy survival instincts such as making themselves and their room presentable so they can socialize etc. Be firm on other boundaries of course but if its their room its their room period and its private. People need to take the side of the children. Children are always the weakest party and the more innocent. Offering help to clean the room is good but not enough. So then ask yourself why is it possibly invasive/uncomfortable for them, or ask the child but make sure to tell them that no matter what they say, you will keep it secret and not punish them for it, make sure id does not affect them in any possibly unwanted way to be open and honest in such a vulnerable position of negotiation (child-parent), and only share it if they want you to, and take that promise extremely seriously and literally.. it may take time for them to develop the necessary level of trust and ability to put words on their feelings as well. Thats my 2 cents coming from someone who grew up with that type of abuse. To be clear, this woman sounds more reasonable than i what i went through, but its a very delicate subject and abuse can happen for many reasons and coincidences, thus i caution highly about it.The lack of trust to be invaded in ones personal space can also lead to silence about worse abuse going on from other sides. But yes of course, be alert to if the kid is beginning manipulative behaviors and if you are 100 percent sure they are developing and enacting manupulative patterns unnecessarily, in that case possibly force them to be assertive accompanied by being responsible and private to them at the same time. Do as i do always applies with children. They seem to be giving the time and credit of earning trust to their partner instead of the children. With a partner, trust has to be assumed and giving chances. Not so with people who are involuntarily involved (children).

  • Uncle Claw

    "BabyBoomers CAN'T stop acting like your superior." – Got that right! Even my BabyBoomer covert NF just can't get over the fact that his kids have passed him up a long time ago in education, career, emotional maturity, and life in general. Growing up there was ALWAYS that covert presumption he put forward, and put-down (AS IF you are not understanding something), that "you'll understand when you get older" / "you'll understand when you have kids" BS. Total narco-boomer BS. Having kids of my own only showed how much of a self-serving failure of a "parent" he was, it showed me how abusive he was, it showed how unfair and biased he was, and on and on…. essentially having kids showed me what an irresponsible, abnormal, emotionally immature, self-serving jackass failure narcissist he was. So in a way, perhaps he was unintentionally right — I do understand more…. Just not the way he was presuming.

  • A L

    If I could change one thing in my life, it wouldn’t be the 10 years I spent drinking every night while I had an undiagnosed health ailment (Celiacs), it would be stepping foot into AA. That’s where I met my last abuser who sexually assaulted me and strangled me – I ran outside in my underwear knocking on neighbors’ doors for help. AA / 12 step programs are filled with predators.

  • risha a

    " but because everything was made to be the end of the world, then nothing can go wrong in your life". this is so me. my narc mom would lose it over every tiny thing and i think thats why i struggle with living a normal life, it all seems so overwhelming to me. the thought of having kids seems like way too much of a sacred responsibility that i could never live up to

  • K Turner

    Wow after 3 years of low contact I finally went no contact with narc psycho mother 2 days ago. Golden sister and mother threatened to come here and stab me… I said my doors open come bitches… They never came pussies… My grandmother and other sister have all blocked my number and disowned me…. I feel freeeeeee.. My 6 year old asked me the other day who my mother was? And that was the last straw I found our from a family friend that my sister my children's aunt has been hiding birthday 🎊 party's from me not inviting her kids cousins!!! I threatened to turn them all black and blue…. Waiting on restraining order… They always have to have the last win…

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