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My Own Narcissistic Relationship; Lies, Abuse, Cheating. and Manipulation



A passage from a poem written right before the end of my relationship with my narcissistic ex:

Being in love with someone with someone who’s not in love with me,
Is a cruel, cruel joke from the powers that be,
Is a daisy in a bed of roses, is a knife within thou heart,
Is my body blue and bruised and my muscles torn apart.

The way in which my ex manipulated me is endless, hurtful beyond words. I loved him so deeply, and until I woke up to the cheating and lies and what he was really doing, I truly only felt compassion for him and would excuse all of his hurtful and disrespectful and abusive behavior on his own hurt from his childhood abuse. I later found out that he told friends how he made up the childhood abuse to garner empathy, and to excuse his behaviors and get me off his back. He pretended to be in a 12-step program, even made up a sponsor named “Victor”, he went to swingers clubs with his best friend and his girl friend, hooked up with random women at the bar he worked at on the weekends for extra money. He would blow me off, lie, not be there for me, always have a valid excuse, manipulate me if I felt hurt, make me feel to blame whenever he would call me horrible names and rage on me. He told me I was the love of his life, we were planning on having a family, future plans, etc and the entire time he only married me for a green card and had plans to leave me the entire time a year into the relationship right after he got it, and yes, he did. I am currently in court proceedings to get an annulment, have friends he confided in and women he slept with subpoenaed, the annulment will automatically revoked his green card, deport him, and make certain he is never able to get a green card in the US again and use another woman like he did me and break her heart and ruin her life and make it where she will never trust again. I am a loving kind person, so to do anything unkind is hard for me, I usually am always nice and caring even when people treat me horribly, but I now must stop this and start to look out for myself first, and no longer allow the narcissist to use my love and kindness for his self gain while abusing me, never following through on anything he promises, and discarding me.
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If you need support for narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, recovery, transforming your life, I’m a life coach and I specialize in recovery and healing from these type of personality disordered people, and working with clients to develop and maintain a happy and fulfilling life — feel free to contact me at LifeCoachAutumnBlake@gmail.com

Namaste & much love 🙂

Autumn

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47 Comments

  • Jasmine Teatime

    You are truly an amazing lady!  Thank you for sharing and doing all that you do for victims with similar circumstances, I am one of them.  I love listening to you, you give me so much hope and you give me comfort.  I duplicate you 100%.  Keep up the great work.  You are AMAZING and I wish you all the best.

  • Kin Sole

    +Cluster B & Me 😥 I 100% feel your pain so emotional to go through the trauma of a hidden agenda of Satanism. I myself have been duped into being in a relationship with a narc chick. Everything you laid down was exactly what I went through with her. Right now I'm still learning the degrees & terms of this sickness. I even believe now that she was turning me into her right along with a team of people targeting me to get this behavior as a way of provoking and manipulation to be true. I would say more but I have to watch what I say on misjudgment being that my life could be in danger from leaving her like it's been before. The whole relationship has been a lie. I feel most happy that it is not all my fault the way things are and she will get do punishment soon from The Most High. Thank you and keep up the good spirit and I will pray for you and all who are victims in this world of Satan Slavery.

  • Lea L.

    oh yes! so often i hear the story that the "perfect one" does not move in. my husband didn´t either. its weird.
    no, in the end it´s not weird:-) the snake does not move into the nest of the mouse. that only shows the plan for the double life they´re gonna live. it shows that THEIR nest is not a home with you, as that would mean sharing. they won´t share. they take. the ones that move in with you, do it to save money or need someone to cook and clean. whatever they do, it´s about taking something. never about sharing. and even if it looks like sharing…if you look deeper, they are at least one up. thats my experience. the last pea is on their plate, the last bit of coffee ends up in their cup …and lies are the best method to be one up at ALL TIMES. sorry for my english, and thank you for your vids!

  • Evelyn D.

    Just listened and read your story..It's just unbelievable how narcs are all the same! The narc I was with: hence, also for a year..was involved in swingers site (which I found out about from comps history of course) and went to these f…ks with his woman "friend", by the way mother of 3 children! But I have a suspicion she is a narc in a way too as she was changing men on monthly basis, dump them and then brag about it..although who knows who dumped who..just weird..or maybe she had a low self esteem, however she was a great resource for that narc to "have fun with"..and yes, he was also irish

  • Manish Pandey

    Exactly. Whats surprising is that how do these people behave in exactly same way, have exact same tricks. Its like there is some School of Narcissism where they get trained. Anyways, it is really tough for me now to believe in others and even believe myself. There is always this fear that they may be using me and exploiting me. I had abusive parents, following which i went into an abusive relationship, and almost died, trying to make things work with her.

    It is troubling me with my career now. I am not able to believe people, and what they are saying. And the biggest problem is I do not feel to have any boundary or cover.I feel very exposed. :-(.. Thank you for sharing your experience. Best Wishes & Regards.

  • yogini sd

    It's quite a shock to your life, destroys it almost, to find out the person you thought he was, is actually totally opposite. We change because we don't ever want to attract another like that, I personally trust NO ONE any more, and I changed so would NOT. I couldn't imagine rebounding…7years later and I want NO MAN. I guess that's what they call jaded. You're not kidding about the love bomb. It's like there is a school for it and he graduated with HONORS.

  • Fe Wolf

    Who you have traveled the same road as me. my Narc is a pianist, abuse line also, she is an MD, while she is very book smart, lack common sense and the ability to apply her skills, can not even stitch a wound. Onething I noticed about her, she could not play the piano without sheet music, even playing the same song over 6 years, very tech good, but lacked the passion of the music, I was always accused of cheating, when I found out it was her.
    Remember this, you have a beautiful soul, no amount of money, fame and talent can give you that!

  • Shasha8674

    Narcissistic and codependents maybe Celiac which can cause depression/ADD/psychotic due to low B vitamins/bipolar due to low Lithium and other minerals due to gluten. No gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO…vitamins/good oils/minerals…probiotic…LDN..detoxing may help brain/body. Vit B12 methylcobalamin..not swallow kind unless it has intrinsic factor may help stress along with zinc. Vit D3 5000IU and sunlight may help crying.

    What I do for my Celiac. (short form):

    No gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO and vitamins/good oils, LDN and detoxing help me. Vit D3 5000IU, zinc 50mg if detoxing, fish oil 2000mg, 20000mg of evening primrose oil. 2000 mg of lecithin, Phosphatidylserine/DMAE or krill oil, Coenzyme Q10, Rhodiola, Mg citrate 400mg, Vit C, 5000mcg of biotin, Nature's Plus- Source of life multiple, HCl and enzymes with meals, dairy free probiotic, Vit B12 methylcobalamin shot/spray/under the tongue kind/intrinsic factor kind, MTHF folate, coenyzme Q10, rhodiola, may help brain/body/thyroid/ and more health issues. Gluten is wheat/barley/rye..oats may act like gluten with avenin. GMO corn/soy/canola oil may hurt. Amour thyroid maybe needed since gluten may made antibodies to the thyroid. Coenzymated B vitamins far from synthetic kind make make me calm.

    Sunlight (helps the immune system and helps to heal the gut lining),exercise, organic food, good water..not tap water, cooking by scratch pure food….. no food in a box/bag/premade/label/restaurant which may help avoid hidden gluten. Certified gluten free food may have 20ppm of gluten…too much. Nuts not sold in the shell/meat basting/some spices may have hidden gluten and lotion/make up etc. One restaurant cooks special for me…rice/veg/tea/extra mushrooms (no meat since the woks may have MSG/gluten in them).

    EDTA/DMPS IV chelations from an Alternative doctor, 600mg of cilantro, zeolites, organic sulfur, Now brand- Detox support, Far Infrared Sauna and more may help detox. Hair tests show good minerals and heavy metals. Heavy metals can block thyroid and other chemical reactions in the body/brain.

    LDN may help block hidden gluten/heal the gut lining and help the immune system, but the Celiac diet is still needed. 100% no gluten..no hidden or microscopic gluten may help. Cutting back on gluten or cheating by eating gluten hurts the immune system. It may take 1 1/2 months to heal the gut lining after getting hidden gluten.

    Amour thyroid has some T3 and Calcitonin. Synthroid is only T4..may not convert to T3. Zn/Se/enough iron/strong probiotic may help convert T4 to T3 for thyroid.

    Alternative doctors/chiropractors/acupuncturists and more may help with health/vitamins etc.

    Good..to stop the marriage…he used you. I should have done this too…at 3 months my husband changed 100% and told me to go away/don't touch him/don't talk. So I didn't for 15 years of marriage. He married me for security not real love. I think he wanted it to work, but ran from love. He did not have many friends and I did not have many friends. I feel sorry for all N and C, but if they are hurting they should not be together. He knew how to get you and other women fast by mirroring you so you thought you were soul mates, but he had no real feelings maybe. Best wishes.

  • Sam Samantha

    wow…similar thing happened to me, I married a man at 19 over 3 Years ago, that entitled him to a partners visa, after 3 Year's he got his permanent residency. I've been through emotional torture, severe depression, anxiety, all of my childhood wounds ripped open, my heart crushed, I thought I loved him, I thought he loved me. I was so confused, made excuses and many times blamed myself for his careless, mean behaviour. The law here is that I need to be separated for 12 months before I can apply for divorce.

  • Denise Simpson

    My first boyfriend (a psychopath/narcissist) did me out of $950 (my student loan) back in 1969; he targeted me in class, and on our first date, he neither mirrored or love-bombed; he started right in: "So, okay, you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?" He bragged on himself constantly. He made fun of my clothes and implied constantly that I was unclean. I was 18, and a fool in love. What I really can never forgive is that 1) there was another woman hovering nearby (probably his wife); and 2) he treated me like shit, much worse, AFTER I gave him the money. He dressed up in dashikis and gave himself a ridiculous African name, and professed a deep (faux) spirituality. He berated me once because I got an address wrong. He was insufferably condescending and perturbingly unempathic. He stiffed decent people. The sex was crappy, despite his self-delusion that he was a superior lover. He drew other innocents into a pyramid scheme. I never got to go to his home. When my parents and I brought suit against him for fraud, he co-opted our lawyer. I hope to hell he's good and dead!!

  • gorillatwist

    Autumn– you should change the title a few times, and upload this a few times with different titles— and make this video go viral– YOU are ON target HERE!!! Narcissists have no souls– no souls! you explain this topic better than anyone on the net!! HUGS!!

  • le th

    I'm so sorry for what you went through. No one deserves that.

    I hope you're on your way to healing and self-love. As much as you give to others, I hope you're allowing someone to give back to you, as well. You deserve more than you know. Hugs to you~

  • veritas liberabit vos

    Key words, agenda and enablement. The agenda, that is their biggest secret if they are smart. Enablement, that is what they want from their target and other people. Accountable, that is something they will never allow near them. Narcs are very two faced and live secret lives, yep some of them are into sex, some drugs, some alcohol, etc. And it being a spectrum.

    I remember my wife's own sister said to me, "I wonder if she married you to get into the country." What I think the agenda of mine is, stay home do what she wants with minimal effort, no affection towards her husband find what ever excuse she can find (not even a touch, a caring smile). What she has is a man who works two jobs, cleans the place, spends time with his son and tried to spend time with his wife. But, she has emotionally left the relationship years ago, you know when there is no connection.

    For me, sometimes I just wish she is cheating on me or would just leave me (I used to have that feeling she would leave, used to strike fear in me), now I kinda look forward to it. This is not normal, my parents were married over 46 years when dad died. They had a good marriage. I see my two brothers go through difficult things are their wives are there for them. Me, I know I cannot open my heart with my wife as she does not respect my feelings. I knew it very early on once we were married, she broke that trust. Things had to be her way, that was the only right way, the best way. Dishes had to be washed the way she wanted, etc.

    Then being accused of having love for a woman who gives me advice on things my wife wanted to do. So, the accountant would say to not do something my wife wanted as that was illegal to do it that way. Talk with my wife and she would say her sister's accountant advised her sister to do it that way. I go back to accountant and ask is there anything I'm missing, etc.

    You never win one way or another you will pay your puns of flesh.

  • Dana Conroy

    Wow…. I can only say…. Wow …..
    AND KUDDOS TO YOU FOR FIGHTING BACK. Dirtbags, deadbeats, unintelligible do-do's. You are sooooo on the mark it is astounding. And sad TRUTH of the matter, there are MULTITUDES of them. xoxoxoxo Keep it up sister :)))))

  • Unicorn Chameleon

    I cannot believe how your story mirrored mine to some very minute details. It's like these Narcs all went to some school together and were taught "what's on the AGENDA today". My Narc's very words to me were this, "I don't have an Agenda!" which he said to me over and over again. He also said, "I never lie and I never cheat". To this day I still cannot find any hard evidence of him cheating on me, but my gut tells me otherwise. There were always other women, everywhere. He asked me to marry him after 6 months and now obviously I realise it was only to get citizenship. It's been a year and a half of persistent underhanded abuse and I am almost a broken woman but I managed to leave him 5 days ago after he provoked me to go utterly berserk. I think the neighbours must have thought I was being murdered I was screaming so hard at him. The only thing stopping me from going back is knowing that I can never go through these first few days of leaving him ever again. I've done it way too many times and every time it gets harder and harder. It's been so bad, I wanted to kill myself yesterday. But the only thing getting me through this are these videos and knowing that I am not alone, even though, technically, I am. You are so right, no one can understand this unless they have been through this. Thank-god I never married him. It was all such a farce anyway, I knew early on that things were not right but I was so co-dependent that I had to learn these lessons and finally choose ME over him. Very grateful for your videos, they really get to the core. Thank-you and I wish you nothing but the happiness you deserve.

  • tjlegow

    I feel sorry for the pain that you've gone through with this experience. I have gone through and am still going through a similar experience myself. It is hard to wrap your head around everything. Your whole world and the way you think about things becomes distorted and you are not sure who or what to believe anymore, even yourself. It's kinda like being in a personal hell. I hope the best for you. Keep your head up and trust your instincts. Rebuild your foundation. For me, I find what works is to be more independent and happy on my own. Also, I've learned not to fall for anyone until I've seen them go above and beyond and see that they are willing to make sacrifices on. I know that I'm the type of person that would do almost anything to make my partner feel happy, safe and secure, loved and cared for no matter the circumstances. A narcissist will not do the same, they will only appear to be that way on the surface but on the things that count, they will be absent. They make no real sacrifice. They look at relationships and people as pawns. They can be an entirely different person depending on who they are with. That's another thing I look for now. When it comes to a new partner, it important to see how they interact with family and friends and how they interact with others when you are not around. I'd want to know what kind of friends the person has, what their friends think of them. What I think what happens when you get involved in a narcissistic relationship is that you turn a blind eye to several red flags in their behavior or personality. Things that bother you that you fundamentally do not agree with but you choose ignore or let slide, things that you feel are very important even though others may not. Those things do matter. That's what I've feel I've learned my own experience with my narcissistic relationship. There are a lot of predators out there. People that will prey on you and take advantage. They manipulate and deceive. And the scary part is that some people out there are really good at it. They are naturals. (Think about Casey Anthony or Leonardo DiCaprio's character in the movie "Catch Me if You Can")

  • Robert Swift

    i was a happy go lucky guy full of life,then this very attractive women comes into my life forcing me to make love to her in a genuine honest way,wanting to leave one relationship and move in with me and fall in love very fast and sucking the life force from me,what a mind job

  • Jaded X

    From hearing your story I feel : n from my exp n psychological
    Know how – what we do is we age big hearts – we love easily n we give beyond n too much benifit of the doubt – we are too loyal
    N we over look all the red flags BEc we think we can Bring light in their dark corners – But when u realize how awful – twisted n abnormal N mean someone can be w. Sense of entitlement n lies – you just know it's not YOU- it's a learning – bad n hard way but we have t grow from
    It – smart n intelligent n beauty regardless they are hollow hence nothing is ever enough for an empty vessel- my exp w such people has been an eye opener – even when u study psychology – an exp w a narcissist is just a whole other subject –

  • Wendell Ferguson

    I hate myself for still loving her. She destroyed everything that was good about me. I don't even know who I am anymore. We have a child that I can't see because her and the new supply/ fiancé wants to be a family with MY son. I'm scared to fight for custody or visitation because I don't want to trigger her, but she'll tell everyone I'm a deadbeat. I pay the maximum in child support and I'm still a piece of shit, just for loving her.

  • Sea Fern

    listening to other people's experiences is so much more helpful than hearing the terms Supply, No contact, etc. over and over again. Most of us know these terms now, but I for one am still wondering whether the numerous bad things my ex narc boyfriend did were supposed to be acceptable in the normal run of things. So, hearing examples of behaviour is so useful to me at this stage. Thanks so much.

  • Joei Marie

    I wont write anything now…because I wouldnt know which horrible…devastating, traumatic event or issue to begin with. However my husband of 23 years and 28 years together….is getting worse…and truths are being revealed….and I am Smack dab in the middle of the storm…I want to want to get out…but Im tired. I am a chronic optimist and positive. He feeds off me and Manipulate worse than anyone could imagine. My mind has BENT trying to understand how he sees the world. But its a LIE….THere are LIES for the LIES…and LIES for the LIES for the LIES. Grrrr. THANK YOU for sharing this.

  • Patricia Howard

    i dont think its a matter of having higher boundaries they smash through them they fucking obliterate them so no my boundaries and self esteem were high i wasnt looking for a relationship either i liked being single i loved myself….but….that seems to be a real beacon to them almost a challenge because as much as they are with you for their own gain whatever that may be for them, always remember they love the thrill of destroying you as well and the stronger and more independent you are the bigger the thrill when they destroy you…..so really i believe its even more of a reason for them to go after you is because you DO have great self esteem and self respect !!! so no your boundaries were fine for normal human beings ok?

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