A passage from a poem written right before the end of my relationship with my narcissistic ex:
Being in love with someone with someone who’s not in love with me,
Is a cruel, cruel joke from the powers that be,
Is a daisy in a bed of roses, is a knife within thou heart,
Is my body blue and bruised and my muscles torn apart.
The way in which my ex manipulated me is endless, hurtful beyond words. I loved him so deeply, and until I woke up to the cheating and lies and what he was really doing, I truly only felt compassion for him and would excuse all of his hurtful and disrespectful and abusive behavior on his own hurt from his childhood abuse. I later found out that he told friends how he made up the childhood abuse to garner empathy, and to excuse his behaviors and get me off his back. He pretended to be in a 12-step program, even made up a sponsor named “Victor”, he went to swingers clubs with his best friend and his girl friend, hooked up with random women at the bar he worked at on the weekends for extra money. He would blow me off, lie, not be there for me, always have a valid excuse, manipulate me if I felt hurt, make me feel to blame whenever he would call me horrible names and rage on me. He told me I was the love of his life, we were planning on having a family, future plans, etc and the entire time he only married me for a green card and had plans to leave me the entire time a year into the relationship right after he got it, and yes, he did. I am currently in court proceedings to get an annulment, have friends he confided in and women he slept with subpoenaed, the annulment will automatically revoked his green card, deport him, and make certain he is never able to get a green card in the US again and use another woman like he did me and break her heart and ruin her life and make it where she will never trust again. I am a loving kind person, so to do anything unkind is hard for me, I usually am always nice and caring even when people treat me horribly, but I now must stop this and start to look out for myself first, and no longer allow the narcissist to use my love and kindness for his self gain while abusing me, never following through on anything he promises, and discarding me.
If you need support for narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, recovery, transforming your life, I’m a life coach and I specialize in recovery and healing from these type of personality disordered people, and working with clients to develop and maintain a happy and fulfilling life — feel free to contact me at LifeCoachAutumnBlake@gmail.com
Namaste & much love 🙂