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Inferiority Drives The Narcissist’s Plot Against You



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26 Comments

  • Treasure Trovel

    Thanks Ollie, I had to get this off my chest. The trip served as one of those epiphany moments that it was them and not me and it served to sever a major emotional connection with them. I certainly did not invite them to my graduation telling them that I was not going to do the whole cap and gown thing (many of the graduate students in the program don't participate in the ceremony because everyone completes their thesis at staggered times)– I actually did skip the ceremony so they would not have any way to come and I did not want to hug and shake Dr. Silvia's hand on stage. My parents were furious and my mom shit on me for years for not presenting the parents with a copy of my thesis. Like I was going to present them a bound thesis with a dedication "This thesis is dedicated to my wonderful parents who have supported me…. blah blah bullshit" and then they would leaf through it, not understanding it but criticizing it.

  • Magic NineLives

    Yeah, don't get into cars with these people, or show up to funerals, birthdays or Christmas dinners, they're just going to rip your head off, humiliate you and find a way to ruin the event for you, my former family did this to me constantly and accused me of being too sensitive when I defended myself or called them all, fuck, them.

  • PrincessCadence2012

    oh MY GAWD… This sounds almost word for word like what happened to me when i went to take my lsat.
    After years of opperating under the dilusion that i wanted to go to law school, at my parents behest, I finally was set up to take the entrance exams.
    weeks of study and i was all ready to drive my self to louisville ky and take the damm thing.
    my parents decided to make a "Weekend of it".
    Ya.. we'll go with you and then you can finally go to six flags after you take the test.
    I was already to drive my self.. but i figured what could it possibly hurt.. having no idea that my parents planned to take the dog, half the house, and everything else.
    Id planned to stay in the dorms and get in some last minute studying..
    instead i fell for it like the fool i was.
    i lived to regret it.. I passed the test just fine.. but the trip was a disaster.
    that was the last time i agreed to go with them or have them come with m for school events.

  • Zelfgenezing by Marijn

    This is so my parents, always when I came back from a foreign country I had to deal with this shit over and over again. It was possible, not possible, it was difficult, problem this, problem that. Especially going to do something nice is not ok in their car, forget about it, it's just going to be hell, because you wanted or needed to do something for your own future they will do everything to make you feels so stressed out that you can't have a mature talk and/or event if it's up to them. Exactly like my parents, unbelievable how much they are alike. I broke contact and start my own business with a product I'm proud of, I could never do it with them, they would put roadblocks on every road I needed to go in the past years.

  • John Hooper

    My ex narc GF visited her parents via train. Whole family was there. And they "forgot" to pick her up from the train station with the car. Now my ex narc GF is (sadly) the same kind of breed. She did not call them, she went by foot to their house which takes around 30 minutes. She said nothing. Later someone asked, hey how did you arrive here? And then she said, nobody picked me up, I had to walk. Huge fake, Oh we are sorry: Oh we forgot. But she acted like it was not such a big deal. This is the dynamic of a narc family. It is about winning and not showing weakness. Also when she had her birthday we (gf and I) visiting the parents the very first time togehter. Her sister, sisters husband and her 2 kids where also there. So for me the first introduction to the whole family. As we arrive.. Sister is not there, husband is not there, kids are not there. They went on vacation. Nobody told her. Oh you did not know? So the family shows her that they dont care, but sadly she holds onto her family, which I will never understand. Interesting detail: Her sister went on vacation to the exact same location, even the same valley in austria where I and my ex gf had a hiking trip some weeks prior. These are the power plays in that family. They fuck with each other and it is about winning, competing and dominating. And you as a boyfriend, you have no chance to rescue her, change her, help her. They are broken people and need to win, need to dominate and cant take others people success or joy..

  • Goosey Goose

    My Mother acted like the quintessential Narcissist towards me as a Child, Teen and most of my 20s..Then she started being kind to me..It weirds me out still. I know Narcissists never change, but are there ever ocassions where they will start being nice to you for long periods (as in years) of time? It's so confusing

  • Delaram Azadeh

    My question is this- if these people cant change what they are are they still to go to hell? Or do we treat them like ill people? Or, do they choose to be evil? And on the subject of forgiveness- i forgave my abusers yet also plan to go no contact. I forgave them for myself and to not hold anger for them because they just are what they are…. i thought if i stay angry i choose to ream a victim to their abuse. what are your thoughts.

  • Delaram Azadeh

    I have trouble believing my self, because ive been gaslighted so much and been told by the narcs friends i am the bad person, can anyone help me out? I have ptsd but when someone tells me it never happened i get triggered soooooooo bad. So mad.

  • desert sand

    This is SO true about how they love to entrap scapegoats .. last year's storm forced me to evacuate with the golden child to narc parents' condo out of state – I had been at their house so they insisted I evacuate. I was holding in resentment from a prior but recent betrayal by the GC, which I guess I was unable to hold in for long. The GC flew into a rage at me hours into the drive on the way there (prob. because he knew he was wrong & guilty for what he had done) and he threatened to leave me on the highway (I was honestly afraid he might choke me while driving).

    After the storm, I refused to go back with GC but I had so much stuff to take back that there was little room in parents' car. I was TRAPPED & all 3 of them loved it. They almost forced me to go back by myself in a rental driving out of state in a very unfamiliar place. Getting the rental would've been its own nightmare. The state of panic they put me in was bad. I let my mother have it until parents had to let me go back with them. I think they secretly enjoyed seeing me trapped like that. If I have to get blown away by a storm this year it would be better than dealing with the narc. family again, trapped for weeks with them in a condo or days in a car! Never the f*** again. So glad you reminded me of this, because I'm currently lulled into a peaceful state with the coverts but I must remain on guard!

  • Wednesday's Child

    I feel bad for you and your sister. They beat her down and told her she was stupid so now she believes she has to take care of them like an indentured servant. The two of you need to run away and don't tell them where you are living. Leave no forwarding address.

  • JD Jones

    God, my father driving – it was probably the only time in his life he felt like captain of the ship that was his life. I always just thought it was passive aggressive and sadistic – but I didn't connect it with narcissism, that is, a personality disorder. I always believed he was the "sane" parent who loved me – so much for that piece of denial.

  • Justice Democrat 82594

    Sadly this is a common theme with baby boomer narcissists (other age groups too, but in my experience most are boomers). Whenever you surpass them (career or school, etc) they attack, because anyone born after 1964 is automatically a 2nd class citizen, who can do everything right, but is never good enough (if you are a blacksheep anyway). I have been meaning to submit my story too, I just need to find time to write it out (between 2 jobs, and police exams). Thank you Ollie, and all those whose submit stories and comments. It's nice to know I am not alone. There is light in knowing the truth. Its funny how an accomplishment of mine that they said I needed to do is deemed worthless the second it's finished, but when an annotated one does 2/3 of the same it's the greatest thing that ever happened. No wonder why some many of us cannot execpt praise. I have wondered this about boomer supremacy, is it more about controlling us, or more about them not accepting they are old now, and their prime is over? Probably both. Anyway thanks to anyone who reads my mini rant.

  • Uncle Claw

    This is the exact same BS I had to deal with, over and over again, growing up. They go back on their word, then act as if it is a HUGE mf-ing bother and inconvenience when you expect them to honor their word. No such thing as "honor" in the narc vocab. They have none. Then they turn their own betrayal around onto you, and it's a gaslight fiesta. Just like the the vid contributor, its all construed to make you feel like you are the presumptuous and entitled one — even though the KNEW you were coming, what that all entails, and their commitments to help with your transpo. It's not like you've never visited before.

    It shows as well, how they have ZERO appreciation for the effort and hassle it takes for you to travel just to visit them. Traveling isnt exactly a party — personally, I do not enjoy being on the road, airports and such, one little bit. Its like torture to me. They dont care, your effort is completely swept under the rug, totally unappreciated and disrespected. As usual, it's ALWAYS all about THEM and sadistic games.

  • justlookalittledeeper k

    Aargggg. The thing about the "inclement weather." The only time I asked my mom if she could look after my two kids (for three whole hours) was when the babysitter called in sick and I was working overnights in a new job and just needed those three precious hours of sleep…. she told me she had to go to a euchre game. Then she thought better of that narrative, and three days later, she said she was actually "really worried" about the road conditions, (it would be an hour's drive, one highway) because there was "possible rain the forecast."

    The way she said it, you would think she would have been putting her life at risk. It felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty for asking in the first place, even though I reassured her at the time that I had someone else I could call, so no worries; she was "just the first." She also said she never helped me because she never got any help from her mom. Her mom didn't have a driver's licence, so couldn't easily make the trip (plus my mother was a stay-at-home — wtf), so that was a lie-excuse with an apples-and-oranges argument.

    A few years later, she asked why I never asked her to help with the kids… I told her, "Well, you might have a euchre game." She turned her back and walked away. Luckily, I decided early on to keep the kids away from the narcs… it hurt them when narc grandfather bragged about the other two grandsons all the time and all the stuff he was doing with them. Plus, the kids said they didn't like those grandparents because when visiting it felt like they always "had to be perfect."

  • Angela Falsetta

    AND now, I am hoping with all my heart that Treasure WILL NOT go to the aid of her elderly and/or sick parents when that time comes.THEY believe we OWE them that one! Or your sister, do you think? No One can tell anyone what to do at that point…Such the personal choice as it is. That one is all yours for it goes with you through the rest of your years and yours to live with…SO WE HAVE BEEN GROOMED! Hear those words I wrote. Those are THEIR words and that of Socity's. Just wondering your take on this…and hope you do not mind me asking. Or did I just put extra stress on you when none was warranted…Yeah, I did now that I think of it. Thank you for this write in…All of them expose a point in time and flavour at it's time of the narcs mindset and lives we lived then!

  • I’m always hungry 19

    My dad acts a lot like this he used to always yell at me for the smallest things and he always get mad if I stay in my room he won’t let me go out or choose my own friends even thou I’m 19 he even got mad at me when my mom let me go in to work for an extra shift even thou I give more money toward the house hold than him he won’t teach me to drive and constantly gets mad at me for needing a ride and has cursed me out for coming out 5 minuets late somehow it’s my fault that I need a ride even thou he won’t let me get my license he let my 16 year old brother get his license and has him drive me around he didn’t attend my 8th grade graduation I had to walk and my hair got messed up because it rained apparently my graduation was fake the real graduation is in high school my parents didn’t let me go to high school my mom was trying to protect me my dad told me during my 8th grade year that if I would fight the kids at school in my school fighting was an automatic 10 day suspension and summer school he always told me I was ugly stupid even thou I was on the honor roll and would tell me that I would grow up and live in their basement that he wouldn’t let me move out and that when they can’t take care of me anymore they would give me to my brother I got whooped when I cried because crying is weakness I’m a silent cryer I wouldn’t be disturbing anyone but if I came to him with tears trying to tell him anything that was my ass one summer my mom worked and he didn’t I was 16 he stayed in the house all day he wouldn’t make my siblings do their chores I did them and I was cooking a full meal like baking bread in the bread maker and brownies or cake in the oven while whatever else was on the stovetop I didn’t get to enjoy that summer at all my family never really had a lot of money but I spent all day cleaning and cooking like a house wife one day I burned the food and he went off on me even thou he was in the next room he expects me to take care of my siblings like they are my children he says it’s practice for when I have my own but he wouldn’t give me any Authority over my siblings he would tell my younger brother he was in charge and would also get mad cuz I refused to baby sit I had a really close friend he was a guy were the same age we took the same ged class together I got my ged when I was 17 and he would tell me I had to take a break from him cuz he didn’t want anything to happen but he thought my friend was gay and he had a girlfriend the church he picked had activities for the kids grouped by age and gender and since my sister who is almost 9 years younger wasn’t allowed to participate I wasn’t allowed to go when we did let her participate she would embarrass me by insulting me it wouldn’t stop till the leader of the activity put an end to it he didn’t like her after that and claimed she was a bad influence even thou she always told me listen to your parents he spoils my little sister when she was 1 or 2 it was ok but it got to the point where she would fix her bed in the morning and he threatened to whoop me if she fix her own bed that was my responsibility he lets her basically do what she wants as long as she doesn’t cross him he gets mad at me when I tell her to leave me alone but she an attention whore if anyone in the house is having a conversation she try’s to get in old and make herself the center of attention even when I’m on the phone she does this and when I try to speaks time with her she gets an attitude and says no but when I’m busy she wants me to stop what I’m doing to do what she wants and try’s to guilt trip me and says I never spend time with her I was babysitting her I pampered her made her favorite lunch let her do what she wanted she got mad the minute I told her no I whooped her ass cuz she trashed my room and I got in trouble for whooping her and a dirty room he trained my sister to tell on us anytime we do anything he wouldnt like even if it wasn’t wrong to the point where she will go thou our phones and read our text she’s the youngest in the family she also tells lies on us she’ll take small things and blow them out of proportion if I flick her with my finger she’ll say I beat her up one day me and my mom moved all the furniture In the house and then went grocery shopping when we came back we found him move the furniture back and we got mad I was told that even thou I put in most of the effort my mom has back issues that my opinion don’t matter my brother moved the furniture back I went to my room and my brother choked me because I didn’t say thank you and my dad punished me and not him because apparently I was more wrong than him for not saying thank you my dad has never listened to me when I mentioned heath problems I have difficulty sleeping at night and my dad acts as if nothing is wrong with me I’ve told him that when I run it make my chest hurt and my heart beat really hard to the point where I can hear my heartbeat he said I’m just being lazy I have suffered from depression on and off in my childhood and have recently developed anxiety to the point where I flinch for no reason and have panic attacks in my sleep I have a hard time just getting out of bed every morning or completing any tasks when I started my second job the first one I had with my mom I would always ask people to tell me what to do my coworkers got annoyed at this but it was difficult for me to try to do things on my own because I’m always told I’m wrong one of my coworkers asked me about it one day when I wasn’t in a good mood i almost burst into tears and I told him because no matter what I do I’m always wrong he asked who told you that I told him my dad he felt sorry for me and kind of looked out for me till I could handle it on my own I’ve always had look outside my family for help when I did seek help from him I often got a negative response but he always got mad when I looked else where to this day I just stay to myself I have trouble making friends I always stuck out because I was always more mature than kids my age and show things in a different light than most people but it’s difficult to socialize I’m at the age where now people tell me I need to grow up but it’s difficult to grow up if you never really knew what it was like to be a kid

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