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Hoovering: 127 Real-Life Ways Narcissists Suck You Back In



Hoovering-127 Real-Life Ways Narcissists Suck You Back In –
Narcissist Hoovering Techniques That Must Be Stopped

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22 Comments

  • dryvur

    Angie, could you Please do a video on not trying to find the perfect person as soon as you get out of a relationship with a narcissist.
    Being in a hurry can get you in trouble.
    I think everyone could really benefit from such a video. Thanks

  • Tracey Nukho

    A few days before our marriage one narc my hubby briefly dated before he met me. He went no contact when he realized she was evil. Anyway, a few days before our wedding she had a mutual friend call and tell us she had her face torn off by a dog and was in surgery to replace her face. Wanting him to feel sorry for her and hoping even after all the time that has passed he would come running or call. I called a friend who was her neighbor who told me she was actually outside of her house standing by the road with her phone and there was nothing wrong with her face. She was actually standing outside waiting for him to come or call. Mind you this was years later and he briefly dated her. We both were shaking our head and were married a few days later. Happily married 6 years. She stalks us every few months. Last week she tried to hit on hoping to hook up with my son who is 35 years younger than her at a techno bar. He was creeped out and yes she knows he is my son she has tried this twice he just walks away from her.

  • Nina Goth

    Hello Angie, I'm loving this out of real life experiences videos, because they're so validating for the survivors, not only proves that we are not alone but also shows our strength and commitment when going greyrock/rock contact.
    I relate to some of the scenarios you listed with narc partners, and I'll add:
    – My mother tried to hoover me several times by "getting sick", my guess? she did it on purpose.
    – A toxic ex friend will message me and ask me about my professional life to trade resumes, then he will disappear only to show a few weeks later always stating that his message app wasn't working. Block them, block them all. You shall not spam me ¬¬

  • Sarah Z

    He's using third parties like a coward cause I dumped him and went no contact right away. Instead of starting a conversation himself like an adult, he tests the waters after 6.5 months of no contact through common colleagues. *rolls eyes I told my colleagues not to tell me when they see him nor forward any messages to me. I know, he wants something… get into the same class I go to my trainer keeps him out of due to my no contact rule, which makes any apology (which will never come) insincere and too late anyways.

  • Katie M

    I recognise one of the ones from the fb group as EXACTLY TO THE DETAIL how my Dad treated my Mum. I have also recently realised that as a small child I was groomed by him as a flying monkey and I am trying to process the shame that this realisation has made me feel. I'm glad more than ever that I am now NC with him and I regret it took this long.

  • Nicole zzz

    This is harder and more painful than my time in Iraq and the PTSD aftermath of that.. this is more personal, very personally inflicted pain from the one I love who should love me. Yesterday should have been a big happy day for me, I was cast for my dentures so I can eat again and reintegrate into public, maybe work again… he throws a tantrum because he couldn't get the amount of pot he wanted[still got a good amount legal in my state for medicating THANK GOD!] &ended in a tantrum so huge he refused to go to my appointment with me[I never force him to heed wanted to support each one]. Then he ended up forcing his way along anyway because I has to take the bus instead of lyft even though I told him multiple times to just stay home. Even punched the rotating fan which fell on our cat. I honestly almost said fuck it and didn't go which would have only effected me worse, not bothered him at all. Said pretty much the worst things he's ever said to me. Now he's "back to normal"and I feel im expected to be as well but I can hardly even speak[if I bring up anything that goes me ne mocks me but saying "oh you're so abused" with a pouty face. Going to his grandma's overnight tomorrow which he told me I should stay home to "figure out what I want"… but now I guess im supposed to come, I don't want her to see me this broken if anyone asks if i'm ok all I can do is cry. This used to happen less… more it's every time we get outside stress or horrible life news but he gets a free pass to shit talk me personally like I have a big hand in orchestrating what I have no control over. But now that he's not yelling and throwing shit and being nice out of no where saying he loves me.. that's hurting more than him yelling the last 2 days at me. How can you do that shit to your woman and then turn right around and say you love her. There's no fucking way he doesn't actually hate me. Those eyes. That glare. The cutting tone. But now that he's ok im still wondering what I did to deserve any of that. Honestly I started cutting again. Maybe just a release. Fuck, what if he notices.. probably won't. His gramma will though. Maybe I shouldn't go tomorrow. I don't know what i'm doing anymore. I don't know why I'm here. I make under $280 each month for being injured in military service [they don't pay women often so i'm thankful for this much l & $60 of that goes to my narc ex husband for child support that he makes sure doesn't go to my daughter's he's illegally kept from me since 2013 against court order yet they still don't help me… so I don't see an option of leaving other than the terrifying women's df shelter up the road known for inner-office/resident crime &I can't abandon my cat he doesn't deserve it. How do women get to safety with no money? I sincerely don't know if I can do this anymore…

  • shaveer Love

    I think a lot of the stories here are not narc related….a lot of these people are dealing with bad relationships but they aren't cluster b related and they are using narcissism to justify it all in their head…some here are but i would say close to half of them are not ……….What I'm dealing with is Narcissim to the100th power….just surreal…something out of a movie or what you read in the textbooks….My narc has all of the red flags of a covert Narcissist.. When she gaslights she has your head spinnning like nothing you have ever expierinced in your life…..She's a female version of hanibal lecture minus the killing…

  • Victoria Chadwick

    My youngest daughters father well he has been hoovering again. And me being stupid I fell for it again. We have been broken up for over a year now but throughout the year he has been on and off with how he felt about me giving me false hope yet again like an idiot i started talking to him again and I'm in a new relationship with a guy who treats me and my girls like gold. But yet i cheated on my now boyfriend with my narcissistic ex. And i just can't seem to shake him I don't know what to do. We have to see another once a week for drop off and pick up and talk about our daughter. Etc but you would think esp after what he did recently to me. He went after my cousin and my cousin who is a narcissist she even admitted she is one found out they have liked eachother for years even tho she knew how much I loved and cared for him and he liked her for years while we were together. You would think it be easy after finding out him making out with my cousin and seeing the messages between them and all the crazy stuff he has put me threw. But yet i can not seem to get over him. I'm so upset I don't know what to do. I even have a stomach ulcer I found out two weeks ago due to all this stress

  • alcudiababe1

    I'm aware these are attempts to suck you back in, but I had a Conversation with someone called Dale years ago and he said if someone is Always a yes person and ready to do what you want all the time it's a bit of a turn off. He told me that he wanted someone to push up against him, to suggest going somewhere instead of agreeing to do what he wanted all the time and at the time I was going out with someone called John and he was more than willing to do anything I wanted, and he could put up a good will sometimes if he really didn't want to do something and because I'm a good person I don't want to feel like I'm walking over them but if a person hasn't got a strong enough will and happy to let you call all the shots all the time then you know you are in control of that relationship but exploiters will notice this and do what they can to walk over you and if you can't turn around and say no they will realise you haven't developed a strong sense of self with boundaries therefore they do what they want to you as like a test to see what they can do and the more you ignore, walk up the highway they believe that you won't stand up for yourself and this is how they start mind games and shit like this

  • Ashley Baire

    My Nex bought me a brand new iPhone after I found out he was cheating. Now, I realize it was just a hoovering technique. But since then we've been broken up now for almost 2 years…I have received calls/texts. He is relentless. We do have a child together, so I am stuck speaking to him. But I only speak to him when its about our son. He's with a new supply. So he can suck the life out of her. I feel better than I've ever felt. Thank God!

  • Kimberly Galanti

    OMG yes…my ex h narc abandoned us over four years ago. Had his mommy pay to send his (the only valued items we owned) stuff from NY to Alaska, had his brother get his free flight to Ak, and stayed rent free with the brother when he got there. He never attempted to say goodbye to either of our autistic kiddos, then…karma DID get him…he went through withdrawal bc he was buying pills off the street, put himself in rehab here to get Suboxone through insurance, then didn't prepare for moving, got to Ak…no insurance, no Dr…went through withdrawal. After about a year, he messaged me around Xmas. I had been trying to find out his address so I could file for divorce. He asked me to fly to Ak, on my dime of course, leave the kids here (essentially a booty call), and "see if we could work things out", I played along until I got his address…then told him there is no way I'd ever subject myself to his abuse again…on my dime even…he was so furious that the text messages I received were all misspelled, and non sensical…it was so satisfying! Especially after all he had put me and the kids through.

  • Casa Del Cocinero

    Let the Hoovering Begin.
    Take charge of the relationship with a narcissist.
    That is their battle cry.
    Yes ..
    Hoovering and retaliation. This seems to be the common factor.
    I just told my pet narcissist this should be on a t shirt he needs to wear as a warning.
    I have to say just ignoring and distancing is ok but no contact is the best.

  • Casa Del Cocinero

    I do mention one of his favorite taunts. …You better get in to shape because when I first met you ..you were hot. Now it looks like the big belly and lack of any sincerity or empathy it is going yo be really difficult for you to find another victim.

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