In this video, Alan Robarge, Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist talks about growing up feeling invisible within one’s family and how that same feeling pervades our adult relationships. An explanation is offered about “two separate worlds” in order to make the distinction of dropping into deeper emotional awareness and exchange.
Many people only operate and communicate on the surface and about the external world of happenings. These types of conversations are about the reporting of events and external experience, but fail to reveal what is actually going on internally for the person telling the story or for the listener.
We also have an inner world. This is our world of dreams and aspirations and feelings and likes and dislikes, etc. The experience of not being seen and known comes when parents and family members do not take an interest or are not curious about the complexity and richness of the child’s inner world.
The child who is not asked questions about how they feel about something or asked about what something means to them will feel disengaged. Repeated missed opportunities of not being engaged means that child grows up living with a sense of emptiness.
Also on this video is an exploration between personal emptiness and existential emptiness. There needs to be awareness that the emptiness is not going anywhere as human beings. We will always be able to tap into these difficult feelings of isolation and aloneness. However, we can heal our personal grief around these feelings and can also change our relationship to the emptiness itself.
The emptiness and loneliness do not necessarily change but how we relate to them does. We cultivate the skill of being able to tolerate not feeling so personally crushed by these very challenging feelings. Developing this skill is about maturity.
Also there is mention on this video about how we usually will pick partners who do not have the skill of curiosity to inquire and take an interest in our inner world. We generally seek out people who are familiar. In this case, people who do not see us.
Thanks for watching this video.
To learn more about working together go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/
I offer Attachment-Focused, Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching and Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples. I work with adult clients dealing with relationship challenges or failures, lack of purpose, emotional-developmental trauma, and loneliness. I help clients solve problems, feel feelings, and get unstuck. I work with clients via telephone and video-conferencing.
I also offer a membership community called Improve Your Relationships. The community provides a structured and reoccurring 8-week program of helpful conversations, learning, and support; it offers resources, worksheets, and videos. It promotes a model of self-directed healing and invites self-accountability. To join us and learn more go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/community
Remember… emotional connections matter!
Alan Robarge, LPC
Attachment Focused, Trauma Informed
Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach
Emptiness and Living Invisible in Relationships