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Dear Fathers that Co-Parent with A Narcissistic Mother



FOR THOSE GOING TO COURT AGAINST A NARCISSIST FOR CUSTODY AND VISITATION PLEASE CHECK OUT THE PDF ENTITLED : “WHEN THE DEVIL’S THE DEFENDANT” AS PART OF YOUR PREPARATION. THIS IS THE FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE, THE BETTER PREPARED YOU ARE THE BETTER DEFENSE YOU CAN PORTRAY:
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16 Comments

  • Kay 100

    My friend applied to the court for contacts with his daughter successfully and he was granted permission to spend with her every second holidays. The mother breached the court order from the very beginning and he heard various excuses until she changed her number. He is very sad, feels helpless, his personal life deteriorated. He supports his daughter financially more and more but when I urged him to go back to court, he said that he doesn't want to go through the whole procedure again. He gave up. He talks about his daughter all the time and I think he's mentally coping worse and worse with this situation as he became a loner. It's really unfair to the daughter but their relationship is damaged severely now because mother is very controlling. I don't understand why some men lack determination to fight for their children and go back to court after the order has been breached.

  • veritas liberabit vos

    Myself, I'm a father to a nearly 15 year old son. I suspect my wife is a high functioning covert narc, and I was her target when I finally started to say no. It was not till our son was around 4 or 5 years old and it was clear he is very gifted (goes to one of the top schools) that my wife then focused her "love / affection" on our son and discarded me. It was over maybe a 10 year period things slowly became myself being discarded. Kissing stopped, hugging stopped, then she would be sleeping in the son's bed and leave me on my own. She had trips back to her family in Indonesia with our son and I kept working. I was just an ATM (Automatic Telling Machine handing out money). Wife has not worked for 11 years.

    Over a period of time she tried to devalue me. She would say to son, "Don't listen to your father he is evil." Or if our son did not do something she wanted, "Did you tell our son to not listen to me?" Then there was the smear campaign of "You always looking at there women's asses.", "You want to upgrade and abandon your wife and son.", etc. All in front of our son. When I talked to him about money, investing, building businesses, being an employee, my wife would come in and take the conversation over and then comment about how much of a failure I am.

    This from a person who sleeps a lot, gets all the best organic food and cooks for herself. She spends hours reading bible and watching YouTube. If I try to talk to her she puts headphones on. Then when she tries to talk to son he does the same to her. She then wants me to force him to comply with her and listen her her version of the bible teachings. When I pointed out that he is doing to her what she has done to me, "Reaping what you sow." She will be like, "He should not do that wrong.", thus clearly indicating she knows what she is doing is wrong.

    I am working on exit strategy. I had to stay as I had to work through things in myself and I was not sure if I could afford to separate, etc. Plus, the real lines in the sand I set that would cause divorce she knew not to cross. I asked son and he said he would like to stay with me if there is a separation. So, next stop in legal advise, etc.

    Thanks for you videos. Fathers are very important for teenage children. Mother more when they are younger. This is a pattern I have seen time and again. There is something about a father figure who is like a rock of stability and authority with temperance that helps teenagers through those difficult times when they are learning to be adults. It is a perception men project better than women and these young children need that rock of stability.

  • feelflowfree

    Be strong everyone. Pray, fast, meditate, do whatever it takes to build your super powers up and stand up and do what's right. Break the cycle of narcissism. Just remember that anything done in the name of LOVE will always win.

  • EvilNecroid

    the not being allowed to do things like kissing the kids goodnight sounds painfully familiar to me.
    ive known my narc for over 10 years now and for a long time my biggest fear (that was so bad i couldnt even face thinking about it) was her taking my kids away from me. but last january she did just that. i now get 1 full weekend and 1 half weekend back and forth which sux because i was the stay at home dad while she worked so i did everything.
    having a fear that i couldnt even bare to think about come true i think has broken me. when i was with her i didnt know how or if there was a way out. i tried to look up information about abuse but it was all for women and my sister she was in the same situation as me and she left her narc by taking the kids to some refuge place. so i looked up refuge places and they were all for women. then i saw a video on youtube that made me realize that every day when she came home from work, she would scream at me about the house being a mess and i didnt clean it good enough. then i suddenly saw that it had nothing to do with anything that i did and that it was just simply her attacking me just for the sake of picking a fight. it didnt matter if i scrubbed and scrubbed all day or did nothing all day the result was still the same. so i thought why should i give her what she wants? so when she would come home and start yelling i would just say that i dont want to fight and im not going to talk about it. that made her really mad and after doing that for a few months she kicked me out because she couldnt get what she wanted out of me anymore.
    now the kids tell me all the time that mummy yells too much and my oldest daughter tells me that she is now the 1 cleaning the house and scrubbing the bathroom and taking out the garbage and doing all the shit i had to do so mummy can watch her tv shows. my son being the most defiant of my 3 tells me all the time that mummy locks him in his room in the dark with the lights off and takes all his toys away. my youngest daughter is only 3 and my x is trying very very hard to brainwash her. she makes her out to be the favorite little princess and tried to talk her into saying she doesnt want to visit daddy.
    when they r with me and its time for them to go back to her they all look at me like they want me to save them but im just so scared that if i go to court she will do exactly like she has done to every1 else we ever used to talk to and thats convince them that i am an idiot and a bad father and husband that cant clean the house properly. even when we would meet new parents at school or the kids swimming lessons they would be all nice to me at 1st but then after seeing these people a few times my x would make up some reason why i would have to stay home. like the dishes need an extra wash or some crap so she would go with the kids and leave me at home. but then the next time i would go, these other parents instead of saying hi wouldnt even look at me and i would say hi and they would ignore me like i was the most horrible person ever. i would just look at my x and be screaming inside wanting to say do u think im stupid and i cant see what uve been doing.
    sorry im writing a big messy novel here.

  • Yoko99ish

    That hits the spot. Good timing, too.
    Hey Michelle, what do you suggest I do? My situation is very delicate at the moment. I'm on what I think is my first hoovering attempt, and I'm wondering if I should do gray rock or try and get back in there, to protect my 4yo boy.
    The fact we'll be under the courts microscopes starting from the end of the month doesn't help her case with doing that just now, because it's the same person who was pressing charges against me for stalking just a few months ago. Now on the one hand, I know this will only make her look more incoherent. and so basically I wanna make sure I use this to the best of my advantage (kid's interests) right away. Should I gray rock, should I helpless prey/supplier? obviously my goal here is just to protect my kid as much as I can until I get some sort of securities from the court (hopefully psych eval does'nt fuck up).
    Hmm.. Maybe skype it out or something? You seem to be very knowledgeable and full of great advice. I'd be really grateful. Take care!
    And thanks for the videos

  • daisyflower22

    What about Mother's? My ex is a narcissist, he only lets me spend about six hours a week with my son. He insists on supervising the contact with my son. He keeps putting thoughts and ideas into my son's head. Doesn't allow me to have any type of bond with my son. I am at my wits end. I miss my son so much.

  • swappy 6

    There's not enough space in the common market share my story but I was absolutely convinced that I was a narcissist and the problem to the point of going to multiple therapist as I believe that was the problem I also suffer from post dramatic stress disorder that one realistically have some narcissistic traits a way of self-preservation one at a time they revealed me As the victim. Because of the ease at which she came into my life and the lives of my kids and family and the abrupt sudden cutting out and cutting off when she had enough fun. We have a daughter that it was promised to me that she would never be taken from even if we did not end up back together but I never believed that. a little at a time I was banished from her parents home where she moved to leaving in massive debt, for recommending we use the WIC sponsored formula. Smh, for wanting more time with our daughter.. for wanting to save what I felt was love. The day before mom dad was but mom is fairly we were together as a family with all the kids I would hate for lunch and went shopping for clothes the next day I have sent her by taking the job she didn't approve of. More hours set hours more pay.. the next two weeks o was denied contact to my child and had an HRO filed. Devastating me. How could I possibly fight for custody with that. I waited, followed the order and the child suppprt came knocking. 425 a month (200 combined for my older two) no custody. Finally I find the courage to file after missed birthdays and holidays.. and waited. Her response was zero custody zero parenting time. Then she got a lawyer. I never needed one the first time, can't afford one outright. There is a free pro bono option but only after they deny and get a lawyer. Forced coparentin class that cost 80 bucks, despite again having 2 and successfully co parenting already. My kids and I are hopeful to see her soon. But the system is definitely stacked against common man, with too many unverified advocates that would blindly assist in stealing a child away. Note guys, don't over text, no matter what you say after the words stop contacting are spoken they are counting regardless of content and intentions. good luck.

  • Soccer Moon

    Thank you for all the help! I’m now a single dad with 50/50 custody. She discarded me 2.5 years ago for the maintenance man at her work. His wife worked there too. They all worked together for years. My ex hid it for six months but then decided to just tell everyone because she was so happy to have the love of her life. I still don’t know how his then wife could stand watching her husband go to lunch with my now ex wife. Anyway, as hard as it may seem to believe I have always been 100% dad and at least 50% mom. From washing clothes to sterilizing bottles to feeding in the middle of the night and so on. She moved out of the master bedroom when we brought our son home and slept with ear plugs in the guest bedroom by herself. I worked 50 hours a week then and she didn’t. The part of your video that brought tears to my eyes was your story about bedtime. I started out counting out loud to get him to sleep then the alphabet over and over to made up stories. My ex would play on Fakebook until she thought I should be finished. She would stomp up and down the hall a few times and if I didn’t come out she would bust into the room and cut the light on and yell at us to go to sleep. This maybe wrong but me and my son learned how to play sleep as soon as we heard the door knob turn. She would usually close the door and we would finish our story or video but she would always let me have it when I came out of his room. He is ten now and we still have the same bedtime routine when he is here. Bible study then some life lesson story then funny YouTube videos. I kiss is forehead and tell him I love him and he puts his arm around my neck and goes to sleep. To all the good men out there, don’t let the narc take you away from your kids. Love them as much as you can every second you are with them. I can see empathy in him and compassion and love and I don’t regret all the time I spent caring for him. My only regret was staying with her until she threw me away. Thank you again for your great channel 😀

  • Shantoneel

    Thanks for posting this video but I must disagree with you. After spending 30 gs to fight for joint custody, I got nothing and constantly denied visitation and every time I go to court I feel helpless. I ran out of money and am ready to move on. I live in NYC, May be the place you are referring to is a different state. But being a single dad and fighting for custody is a curse. There are millions like me. Only difference is the system does not give us protection as the dads are always looked down upon. I however thank you for being a woman and speaking up

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