narcissist videos

DAY #12: EMOTIONALLY COLD (30 DAYS OF NARCISSISM) – Dr. Ramani Durvasula



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32 Comments

  • Antoinette Gorman

    Thank you so much for this. I find that a lot of people warm to my narcissistic husband. That's how I felt attracted to him he was kind warm hearted person. Friendly helpful but holy cow he just flipped In an instant in the dating procedure at this time because the umbrella caught his hand and he stormed off as if I did something wrong
    This came out of the blue which I found quite odd .thanks you are amazing person

  • KA-CHOO Ooh Bless You

    It cut you off in the middle of what you were saying at the end. This was a lovely way to start the day. I am taking notes here, & I promise to get your book/manual. I have been taking notes from Dr. Les Carter & Dr. Ross Rosenberg as well.

    I don’t know if my eyes will ever be the same after watching you and listening to your powerfully informative videos.

  • Rosie Hathaway

    My narc mother was deliberately emotionally cold with me because she felt I was too “soft” & needed “toughening up”. So if I went to cuddle her she would physically push me away & made it out like she was doing it for my own good. I was shamed for wanting affection or for showing emotion. I felt very alone, unsafe & rejected as a child. The irony was she would show great tenderness & warmth towards other children such as my friends. She would sit them on her knee & cuddle them & be so affectionate with them, right in my face. It was heart breaking & confusing.

  • Sky Cloud

    Right on point. I suspect my father is a narcissist. He always treats those inside his family like dirt, knocking our confidence most of the time, critiqing us, or trying to poison us against somebody. Yet my dad is quite charasmatic and charming to outsiders. He plays mind games and explodes at the smallest things. Nothing is ever his fault, always someone else's.

    Even when my dad is good to me, I feel like something is off, a bit strange. After I've fallen out with him badly, vowed to cut him out and ignored him for a long time, he then acts like gold (the love bombing I assume). He treats me to meals out, offers to buy things for my property, or offers to me take away to holidays with him, but it all seems rather fake. Like it's fake niceness. As soon my guard is down, the mind games slowly return. It's like he tests me, to see what he can get away with before going all force again. He knows when I am susceptable. I feel so tired having to be on my highest alert and putting walls up constantly.

    It doesn't help either that my mother has traits of both BPD and bi-polar, with her own manipulations and crazy behaviour. A match made in hell. Constant rows and alcoholism. She goes missing occasionally and I have had to conduct searches for her in town. She has attempted suicide many times and drinks excessively. She pulls me into her problems and tries to blackmail me into cutting myself off from her enemies, even when I have no reason to fall out with them. I feel like my father revels in her vulnerability, and feeds her twisted stories to set off her rages or teary breakdowns.

    My childhood, was aweful, always feeling confused, angry, upset, and wondering why my self esteem was always cut to shreds. Wondering why I suddenly couldn't visit certain relatives (my parents used to fall out with people all the time and ban us kids from visiting).

    What's worse, I've even noticed that I may be somewhat of a narcissistic myself
    I believe I have Schizoid tendencies. I feel so disconnected from people, that I wonder if my nutty parents caused me it through psychological truama, but I guess I'm not a psychologist to know for sure. What I know for sure, is that at least the cycle ends with me. I don't have a wife and kids and so I feel relieved about it. No more damage to inflict down the line.

  • M K

    Exactly. Distant, cold, sometimes he even seemed unable to keep eye contact. I felt as if my presence was a bother unless I was providing for him in some way–cooking, cleaning, errand running, whatever it was he needed at the moment. I've never experienced anything like it and I'm determined to never let this happen to me again.

  • D

    Good god that is so on point about the lack of empathy and going hot and completely cold after the love bombing episode. I am so surprised what the hell happened and blame myself… within 5 months things have changed.. and he's seeing other guys all at the same time ( i believe 5 other ones). WTH! Im still healing but still have such a huge open wound.

  • shaveer Love

    Great video Dr. Ramani….. My Father was a Narcissist…….When people were around he performed and when everyone left it was like his battery died and was quiet and had nothing to say… He would withdraw and go to the other side of the house…He could have won an academy award for his acting skillz……When someone died My father at the funeral was over theatrical and the Loudest and sometimes beyond embarassing……

  • J G

    The only time I ever saw any emotion from the ex Narc was when she was love bombing someone or when someone said something negative about her . She used to give her adult daughter the silent treatment when she did something wrong. The daughter is exactly the same as her unfortunately.

  • Tineke Phillips

    Doctor, your videos are among my favorite, they are so poignant and insightful thank you so much for making this information public knowledge. One thing I feel you could hopefully improve upon in your future videos is the sound quality. Some people in their YouTube videos wear a small microphone. I sincerely, thank you again for your time.

  • Luna S

    Dr. Armani first of all, I’ve been listening to you for the past year and you are genuinely Awesome! Your candid articulation of mental health issues are delivered in the most educational and authentic ways. I can’t express enough how I admire your impact on the world of mental health.

    Thank you for helping me identify my unfortunate experience w/ a narcissist dead-on. Not only does this help me regain my loss of esteem, but how we can prevent making a mess of our lives. Sadly, one thing I had to learn from being in a relationship with a narcissistic piece of $h#! (Sorry sore subject) was to no longer be empathetic in return.

  • Natasha Dcosta

    When I got out of my toxic relationship, I was amazed by the smallest things. Like when my friend would hug me and not hold back, when my friends would listen to me attentively and express their happiness to see me. It made my heart so full

  • Sad Panda

    This has been one of the hardest aspects to come to terms with—realizing that not only does he not love me, but he probably never did. And he probably doesn’t even like me as a human either. It really makes me wonder if they can ever truly love their children? Mine seems loving and caring to the kids when they are happy and behaving but then gives them the “narc stare” when they are upset about something or expressing any other emotion aside from happiness. Thank you again, Dr. Ramani ❤️🙏

  • Always Growing

    Thank you so much!
    I’d like to make some suggestions on what I’d like to see from you in the future bc your insight is so valuable.
    1. PAS (parental alienation syndrome) both for the adult child and what I’m dealing with now which is during a divorce. Husband was always busy and now he’s the best dad ever and worse. Really psychologically messing with the kids.
    2. And maybe this is in your book but divorcing the narcissist with kids involved.
    Thanks so much!!

  • Ann Harrison

    This is my Daughter and her Father also! They are close despite her being married! Yet I, her Mother get pushed to the background. She blames me for the break-up of our "Happy home" yet it was far from that.

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