narcissist videos

Covert vs Overt Narcissists: What is The Difference?



What is a covert narcissist? How are they different from other narcissists? The Little Shaman sheds some light on this in today’s episode.

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41 Comments

  • Jedi Mindtrick

    I was in a 10 and a half year relationship with a covert narcissist who had a mother she had a rocky relationship with who appeared to be an overt narcissist. The whole time we were together our parents only met once even though my family and I always extended invites for family functions. The excuse coming from my ex was almost always "I don't want my mom to turn off your people. You know how she is likely to offend your family. I always thought that was b's. I suspect she was worried her mom may open up her mouth and blab her out and expose her for the fraud that she was. Thoughts?

  • Shelia Andrews

    I am currently divorcing a covert Narcissist. A little over a year ago, his daughter, who was about 17 at the time, was joking with me and a friend of mine about her Dad and "what a victim he is." She said "Here's my Dad: You could be in the street bleeding to death because you were just plowed by a car, my Dad will rush out to you, say "hey, are you okay?" really loudly so everyone hears, then will stand up, and start going on and on about how hard it is on him that you've been hit, how his clothes are ruined, and what's going to happen if you die. He'll never really wait for your response about whether you're okay, he'll just start waiting for the attention your bleeding to death will bring him." Those words have haunted me since. Her mother committed suicide 6 weeks before I met him on Match.com. I attributed a lot of his crap to grief and tried to make the relationship move slowly. I own that I didn't. It took a strange series of events for me to wake up to everything, but wake up I did.

  • christykroeg

    My father is an overt narc; my mother is a covert narc. It's miraculous that I didn't end up institutionalized or turned into a narc myself– I waiver between empath and co-dependent but the empath is winning. It's taken a lot of work, effort, self honesty and determination and it will never end. I must be ever vigilant and thoughtful…

  • Wasatch Natural

    Ok. Now I'm wondering if maybe I'm a narcissist and I dont know. I do have a lot of apparent self hatred, all my past relationships were with abusive men and I was abused as a child. I have threatened and attempted suicide in relationships, usually after cheating was discovered though or after too much physical and emotional abuse. I thought I was a co dependent empath who attracted narcs but I am open to the possibility that I am a narc. I don't know. I know narcs aren't usually aware.

  • brandon morgan

    not only have I learned more about my ex wife in your videos, I am learning so much about me too. thank you so much. without knowing it, I am a covert narcissist, I think. or at least, it's the way I've tried to deal with getting attention. how do I correct this character glad???

  • David Wahlstrom

    Why do you paint them all in one color? Some don't even know they are and its not like they are bad people, its fucking sad, and i am sorry but my wife is not a bad person, but needs help, our kids are suffering over it up till i made her leave, you need to tone it down to a level kids will understand when they research this disorder and find all these videos that are about narc's (not just yours) could really fuck a kid up if they didn't know that all are not the same and thereis hope in some cases. Just saying, my daughter overheard a convo and heard her moms name and the word narcissist and took it upon herself to look it up on line and wellhere I am I just told here most of you are giving an unofficial opinion but are not without merit, but the bitterness and the angry comments might be overwhelming to a pre teen looking for answers. That being said I have learned a lot from people like you and am just in a scenario where she (my ex) knows som ething is wrong with her but is too stubborn to let it sit in and aknowledge it, waiting on her to see it for herself, she has a drinking problem as well, not a drunk but can't have fun without a drink, she flips everything around and i can only hope the videos i send her will encourage her to accept reallity.

  • Tom Hard Bop

    Seems like coverts are able to act like C-PTSD victims and that’s what we’ve been thinking BPD is, and therefore many proper C-PTSD people are misdiagnosed as Borderlines because coverts wear their cloak.
    Would be better to get rid of BPD entirely & instead use either covert narcs or C-PTSD as necessary?

  • Belly Button Lint

    Wow. This was so helpful. The way you categorized both and then talked abour the degree.
    My ex husband has so many of the characteristics of a narc. After dating a yr, i got chronic fatigue and i wonder now if he just sucked the energy right out of me. I should have left but i didn't. I had no knowledge of such disorders. I am so thankful to have this information now at 51. I am learning. Thank you!

  • Samantha Jackson

    Explains my ex to a T he is covert. I agree it is hard to detect a covert narc as they hide it until they jave you entangled in their web of lies making it harder to get out while the overt can be seen a mile away. Overts are generaally extroverts and coverts are more introverts. And you mafe a good point i never realized that BPD is a comorbid to the CNPD. It makes sense now as my ex is more CNPD/BPD with a bit of HPD.

  • Trucker Joe

    Hi I like your videos, I did hear you say they can be male and female. I am a male and think my wife is a covert narcissist. Don't take this the wrong way or think I am being critical and I do recognize your video is from the female point of view However you do say HE a lot when referencing the Narcissist. I wish you could say THEY instead of HE or even SHE. Here is my thinking if the Narci is female all she is going to do if shown this video by someone trying to help a potential Narci is going to focus on the word HE. Reson… she has already told me that she can't have this disorder because it is Men who are the Narci. Even though like I said in the first line You did say Naci can be Men and Women but being the expert on these conditions you should know exactly what I mean she wont even hear the first part and only focus on HE this HE That you know what I am saying. I hope you take this as a suggestion only and not criticism Thank You for the educational videos and efforts to helping others.

  • Suzanne Cobb

    Thank you for true healing as I retrace my steps through the narcissists in my life. Have you ever considered the autistic spectrum in this area? My experience with very young autistics find them true to form in every respect. Couple this with recent issues of an adult male (also true to form!) with an autistic son – your description is dead on the money. Is there a crossover element of any sort that you know of?

  • Brooklyn J.

    I met him as a covert Narc and I knew something was off and all I could think was wow someone really broke him down and no man should have to feel like that. And at certain times he would be that overt narc mainly at times i would let him known that I didn't want to be with him. After a while I was feeling like "BRUH WHO ARE YOU" and I couldn't deal and walked away.

  • meenie007

    Man I thought my ex was an overt, and maybe he is borderline overt, but it turns out he's more of a covert narcissist, the explanation for covert described him a bit more so. >_< AND I'm an empath 🙁

  • jacqueline manzano

    The Narc I know is both overt & covert it depends on the setting and the audience. They will use every tool necessary to manipulate someone for their benefit. They can be very cocky and cruel if you don't give in to them. They say things like; 'If I were rich I would buy you a new house"…."If you were sick I would come over and care for you, because I love you." "If I had extra money I would help you out." This is what I call a gambit.

  • Harumi Ayumi

    I'm finally realizing that my mother is a narc too, but not an overt narc like my father. I use to think she was borderline, but it's clear to me now that she is a covert narc. It's upsetting, but enlightening because now I know how to deal with her. Having two narc parents is the worst. I feel like a babysitter stuck with 2 braty kids all the time.

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