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CoDEPENDENCY REVEALED:Fallacy 1; My Needs,Wants and Desires Don’t Count!

This video is about CoDEPENDENCY REVEALED:Fallacy 1; My Needs,Wants and Desires Don’t Count!
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  • Rosemary Alexander

    I agree to become self aware is the best thing for positive change. Do we put our needs below the needs of others more often then we should? Some people might say that is of gift of service. The video is a good teaching on what codependency looks like. Good questions to journal about.

  • smoothandchunky1

    Excellent video BBB! My fixing nature had me doing projects around our dilapidated old house. I painted our picnic table the same color as the picnic tables at our local state park because I happen to like green.
    The kind or style of table was entirely different from the ones at the park. My NF took one look at our table and accused me of "wanting to go to jail." That somehow my painting this picnic table the same color as the ones at the park would be cause for an investigation and subsequent accusation the table was stolen.
    He is so unwell. How could any normal person come to this conclusion? That was years ago. However, this will be my 2nd Christmas narc free!!
    Merry Christmas everyone!

  • smoothandchunky1

    Expressing an opinion was very dangerous growing up. You did so at your own risk. Seems so benign but literally any expression of preference could or would be systematically deconstructed or dismantled in front of an audience to bring further shame and embarrassment.
    Oh how I wished I'd kept my fat mouth shut on endless occasions to avoid the fallout that regularly ensued.

  • smoothandchunky1

    I'll never forget the first time my NF used the word c*nt. I was riding with him and a lady cut him off in traffic. He hit the brakes and used this word among other expletives. I'd never heard that word before but knew inately it was derogatory toward women. I was 6 or 7 at the time. Sorry I'm on a roll today.
    Expecting this Christmas to be the Christmas where the preverbial poo hits the fan. When my sister is the only one to show up at my NF's house there will no doubt be negative commentary and accusations.
    Let the smear campaign begin!

  • Liz Ryan

    Raised in a Catholic home and church by a strict mother who had narcissistic traits, I did everything in my power to please.  I would select girl friends who had that familiarity of my mother.  This was so valuable for me to hear today.  Thank you.

  • genie

    I can remember the threatening look I would get that would precede the screaming tirade if I ever expressed my opinion, and the look of contempt and the sneering comments I would get if I talked about what I wanted to do in life.  My fear of expressing an opinion, or my side of the story, or what I want has extended throughout my personal and professional life with negative consequences, sometimes major.  Even though I now know what I need to do, I still tend not to do it, and don't really know how to do it. 

    I watch all these "true crime" tv shows, and often they will mention that a couple got into a big argument, and I'm always amazed that a woman would get into an argument with a man.  I will never ever argue with or confront a man, anywhere, especially in a house alone with him.  I feel like it could get me killed.  If a man tries to argue about something, I just act like I sort of agree, maybe, and go silent.

  • Tubetopfan1

    Yesterday I brought my mom, to her rehab unit (somewhat akin to a nursing home), a little beanbag reindeer as a little festive gesture for the holiday because her room is so spartan. She was actually a little annoyed by it as being more "clutter." I suppose, if I never visited her there (or elsewhere) I could construe her annoyance as saying "Don't try to buy off your guilt with cheap crap" but I visit her about every other day. I'm a 51 year old man and it still BOTHERS me. Time to say the serenity prayer AGAIN.

  • Petra Colic

    PLEASE HELP ME! I am 30 years old female. In my family my mom is narcissist. My mom and dad live together in one house, and I live 30 minutes away from them. My father is good man and he always say to me don't confront her, you know she is stubborn, she will never change.. But we just had fight over the phone. She told me how I am bad idiot, how I caused her problems from my age of 10..And I didn't confront her but said that I am drawing a line. No more contact, so she is free to live life she want and of pain I caused. What to do now?? What to do with my father? I work in company that is his, and in the same street where they live together for 33 years. What will be right path for me? I think I wil never be free from manipulation and that maybe is the best to change the country. CAN i STAY GOOD WITH FATHER BUT WITH HER ON A DISTANCE? I have no one to ask for solution of this problem.

  • Maggie Adams

    You hit the nail on the head for me in this video. I grew up in a working class family, the 4th of 5 children. I was always made acutely aware that I would spend my adult life working in the industry that had dominated our city for over a hundred years. I felt doomed, as they were gloomy looking places inside and out. I was thankful for the recession of the 1980's that took that industry elsewhere. However, the legacy of having every hope and dream crushed at every turn, by well meaning parents, runs through my life. I am now 55, and even on dating sites, I've found someone who sounds emphatic, because they say that they are, in writing and verbally, only to find that they are self obsessed, and talk incessantly about themselves whilst minimalising my every action, past and present. I was also bullied throughout my school life, because my mother was bought up by her grandmother, who was born in 1872, and my age when she had my Mum to look after. So she had no mother to help or guide her whilst we were growing up. My Dad was mostly alright, but was tight with his money. It's not that I'm looking for sympathy, but to understand myself why I try so hard to help people only to feel that they care nothing for my feelings. You say that these controlling types are rare, but it appears to me that they make up at least 90% of the population! I wish I didn't think or feel or witness this though, as I know that all people have their difficulties and blind spots. Thank you for your kind and understanding and guidance.

  • calonstanni

    OMG this rings so true. I missed my first day of work at my new job to go drive my narc home from Witchita to St. Louis after he'd been thrown in jail for pot. I asked him if I could just wire him the money to take a bus so I didn't have to miss my first day and he said "NO" so i rented a car (because he'd wrecked my truck!) and drove 14 hours because I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO THINK I WAS A BAD PERSON! GAH! I kept wondering… "does this make sense that I'm driving there to get him? Does EVERYONE do this crap?" That was the at the start of our 18 YEAR relationship and it never got better. He finally moved out a month ago. I have such regrets for letting him abuse me for so long and wish I had been stronger and more self-assured. However, I feel better than I have in 18 years so I'm grateful!

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