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Circle of Narcissistic Supply: Why the Narcissist Doesn't Want You to Move On After the Discard



Whether they’re hoovering you or abusing you, it always seems like the narcissist is never gone for good after the discard. In this video, I’ll fill you in on why the narcissist doesn’t want you to move on and what that means for you – as well as what you can do to change that.

If you’re trying to go no contact with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, you know what I’m talking about. Between the trauma bonding and the manipulation, gaslighting and outright abuse, you may be constantly retraumatized by the excessive hoovering attempts.

Don’t become part of the narcissist’s harem or circle of supply.

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23 Comments

  • Gracie Newhouse

    My husband tells me don't go rushing into a relationship or don't go having sex w lots of men..you aren't ready??? But, he has a gf and sends me pics of her or of both of them..follows it w love is out there go get it! I finally sent him a pic of a guy I'm talking to. And told him I'm getting to know him. That shut him up quickly!! Then asked are you two serious? Smh!!

  • DeShona Alone

    so i left what i think to be a narrsacistic boyfriend and because of everything going haywire I stupidly rreached out to him. probably because i felt like all the people who shit on me recently he had told me about or would have and i was just down he was really sweet when i came back but soon was really mean telling me i fucked up i shit on him i left him etc. etc. and i just kept apologizing to him. but mind you he had some female giving him 800 every two weeks. he would never talk about his profession i caught a red headed female in his house one day when i went take him food. he eventually put his hands on me he told me i ate to much. there was one day i had taken a xanex smoked some weed and drank and i blacked out and woke up to him having sex with me and kicked him off me because i didnt know what was going on. I spent my money all the time even though he had loads of money more than me from god knows what because like i said his job was unclear i always spent my money. and then he says i treated him like shit. I truely understand three days grace I hate everything about you song because that is how i feel about Emrich.

  • Ela Williams

    Mine has used pretending to be his new supply for 5 years and insulting me on social media as a way to feel himself in my mind. I left Facebook because of it. Think he stopped, nope still going. They never stop. You can block all you want and ignore all you want but they get off on the fact we’re always looking over our shoulder and always trying to stay away. Its all supply. There is no escaping their herum. They want to keep tabs on you whether they discarded you or not.

  • Mary B.

    Run don't walk away.

    I'm shocked that you said harem. I confronted him about his harem and was proud of myself for applying the term. I thought I came up with it! I guess I was wrong.
    I also use the term "virtual barnyard" for the group texting lists that they trap you in against your will. God is with me and made the man send me a cow in one of his texts thus exposing that I am perceiving who and what he is correctly. God is the one who exposed him. My ex-covert narc also traps married women in his harem. One of the women called him a "godly man" and was shocked when I could not agree with her. I told her he needs deliverance… I fear God and so cannot call him a godly man; he is soooo not. Liars go to hell. (Revelation 21)
    He is a street preacher who is playing both sides of eternity. It's so evil. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Yes, they are a cruel messed up mean people. You are nothing to these people – less than nothing.

    satan is the first narcissist. satan hates you.

    Block them from every area of your life.
    Come to Jesus and have real love. peacewithGod . net

  • Nicole Gray

    I have pages of screenshots of calls messages and letters since we broke up. He wants to be friends, but I know this is a lie. He sends people (because he knows I won't speak to him) to talk to me about him. It's got to a point where I don't want to leave my house but I have to obviously. I do feel like he is at his most dangerous right now also. Kinda like a wounded dragon or something, don't know how to describe it. I just want my life back.

  • Nancy Lorenzo

    Hi I have successfully gone no constant. (Please girls;guys if you hear the latest divorce trend “collaboration”. Run! It is expensive, lots of experts$ and a great deal of contact with narc (almost got hoovered then). When I realized all the same issues could be accomplished in mediation, by scheduling several sessions, if necessary, but you are kept tin a separate room. )If you are going to try to stay out of court. Just say NO to collaboration (a total disaster after a few exchanges , and your each makes boat loads – the facilitator/therapist, a CPA, both Lawyers etc….all get their cut. And worse you’re supposed be to communicate..I bailed out and went straight mediation. This is a trend here in FL. Often touted as a “specialty”. Be careful if you are pressured to collaborate.And if your lawyer pushes you- Get another lawyer. Make it plain you don’t warn to “collaborate” for the start and your are no contact. It really gives the narc a chance to shine, stare google eyed at you, say how much he’ll take care of you, act surprised and hurt (though he demanded for 10 years, the surprise is- I did it.) This method may work for some , but for those divorcing a charismatic narc, collaboration not the way to go.

    .

  • Lisa Solis

    Unfortunately it’s been over a year that my narc hubby and I divorced. He’s been messing around with a married woman i used to be friendly with.
    It made me feel bad that she seems to be all he needs. He hasn’t made any attempts to come home or fake apologize or Hoover and it makes me think I really was the problem. But whenever I put my foot down and say I won’t ever be with him again he gets upset and storms off. Almost like he’s waiting for me to wait for him. He was relying on it without words or effort. That’s the kind of narc he is. He’s mad it’s not there this time so he can get rid of this woman. He literally waits for me to take him back so he can get rid of who he’s cheating with. It’s worked before but I’m not the person I used to be.

  • sly fly

    hey can you help me , mine discarded me, then she hoovers me but not to get me back , just to show interest and we have a kid together, then when i call her because she begs me to call her , the conversation is usually meaningless, when ever i stop talking to her for a few days this cycle just keeps happening, she doesnt want me ,but wont let me m ove on, and i feel like i dont know how to give her an ultimatum

  • kwiet23

    Most narcissists are lazy. They won't even need to make the effort to go to someone's house, unless it's the primary and secondary source. A lot will just have members of the harem on one of their 3 phones. These "people" will not be a friends. If you allow them to be your "friend", keep them at arm's length. Or more.

  • Daniel Williamson

    mine offered me to be Friends i said what do you think the answer to that is ? NO i got discarded & she has a new supply been in NC over 3 weeks she Blocked me on social media to hide this supply from me. But i have a feeling she still keeping tabs on me but not had any communication since the block on the 29th Jan

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