narcissist videos

Becoming Functional Again After Narcissistic Abuse



Abuse and trauma greatly reduce your brain functioning. Maybe you’ve noticed that you now have difficulties managing your life after abuse. In this video, I’m going to talk about executive functioning skills, which is basically how you get stuff done. I’ll let you know what these are (and you’ll likely notice that you have some challenges with these skills). Then I’ll give you 7 powerful ways to get functional again so you can avoid the anxiety, frustration, panic, paralysis, procrastination and overwhelm.

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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor — She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal after abuse and transform your life. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. She recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. If you’re looking for a referral, you can use https://betterhelp.com/innerintegration to get connected with a licensed, online therapist in your area. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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Intro Credits:
Track: Happy — Allan Adams & Alan Skindro [Audio Library Release] Music provided by Audio Library Plus Watch: https://youtu.be/5vMPVOvvQLEFree Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Happy

End Screen Credits:
Photography by Kelsey Smith Photography
Music: Vast Chant by Oshóva https://soundcloud.com/osh-va Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/NlUQbrlb2iQ

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28 Comments

  • Rachel Johnson

    Excellent advise, just what I was looking for but….. I can barely get through the day doing the things that must be done. Defogging my brain to get to the point where I have time to write a thought down is the problem. It will take me 6 months to a year just to finish writing the first 6 steps down. My Narc is trapped in my head and I can't get her out. 59 years is a lot of programming to over come. Maybe it's too late.

  • Lynn Noel

    Hi Meredith, I have a situation for which very specific advice is needed. I cut my BPD mother out of my life in 2003. She's truly a monster and I had to do this for my own survival. She's recruited several family members as well as my ex-husband and his family as flying monkeys and I have not had contact with any of them either. Here's the problem. My beautiful daughter is getting married in June and they will ALL be at the wedding. I'm already in a panicked state just thinking about it – and it's 7 months away! Can you please, please give me some practical advice for how to deal with this? Most of the people at the wedding are aware of my mother's insanity and actually see her as sort of a carnival act and laugh at the outrageous things she says and does. They will be watching me and how/if she and I interact- I will feel like a bug under a microscope at my own daughter's wedding. I have to get through this with dignity and not let my feelings show. Can you help me, please?

  • Decoy 263

    I just go thru the door of my shop, look at it all and overwhelmed I turn around and go back to the house. I want to throw it all in dump trucks and send it to the recyclers.
    The price of scrap metal is so low right now that idea makes me sick.
    This crap just screws everyone up who has dealt with narcissism.
    About the time I seem to be doing better she comes around and here it goes again.
    I used to have an uncluttered life with no projects left unfinished. Now my shop is so full of projects that are unfinished it is impossible to do anything. Now I have the house to keep up with everything as well. The rest of the 17 acres needs kept up too.
    When this divorce is over I think I will just lock the doors and leave it all.
    Where to go?
    I know, anywhere but here.

  • Riverbend Taxprep

    Thank you for such excellent advice. I've definitely been struggling with this post-abuse, compounded by being single mom to a little one. I thought I just had "mom brain" as well as residual trauma brain/PTSD however this definition of executive brain functioning totally matches what I've been experiencing. I'm going to try & implement your suggestions.

  • Kendira Manush

    Meredith Miller thank you so much for sharing about the essence of (real authentic Yoga) & meditation.
    It will absolutely benefit everyone.
    Thank you so much for all your tips to overcome narcissistic abuse! You nailed it, bless you ❤

  • Amber Sky

    This is so helpful. I have a goals list and also a daily to do list. I put chunks of the goals into the daily list. I just use excel as I like that 🙂
    It really helps me to make progress with something daily, I feel I’ve achieved something. Even if it’s just a tiny thing like 5 min exercise and booked a dental appt or read a page of a self help book 💚

    Long term I want to become a zumba instructor and this will also help me get fit 🙂

    I get overwhelmed by all my goals and find I can only do one thing at a time right now along with my daily stuff. So I just take one at a time. At the moment I’m doing basic admin and organising spaces. Trying to plan for healthy eating and exercise.

  • Monica Maroline

    When the day came after years of "trying to recover" from PTSD and neglect and some other things; when the day came when I could handle a huge circus of problems and different obstacles in order to accomplish one important goal for that day—I was like YEEHAW! Man, I don't if people know that handling multiple obstacles over a 5 hour period, across the city, for one specific deadline of a goal is an actual accomplishment, but it really is. I felt like doing a cheerleader dance, I couldn't believe I'd done it. Whew. Now to go "clean my darn room" and start having better habits.

  • Sherri M

    Very powerful information to think about. I am in the beginning stages, and the sense of being overwhelmed is so strong. These 7 tips will help me so much! I have a longer commute now to work because I moved away from my narc. So time management is key and good music during my commute helps too.

  • Moist Pineapples

    Solid advice, another thing to try would be to quickly write down what you need to do on paper or in the tasks section of the calendar and dynamically allocate time to do them. The issue that I would run into with the calendar blocks is that I would allocate too little time for some things and too much for others, so I'd end up resizing the blocks :/

  • Bonnie Wolf

    You want to know how evil narcissists truly are? I am the mother of one. A real doozy. 25 yr old man. OVERT. Dark triad. Pure evil. I dont think my son will ever improve or be cured. He will rage and abuse people until he dies. He will most likely be in prison some day for killing one of his girlfriends.

  • Carol Mabry

    I love this! I'm so glad to have found this site. OMG! I'm married to my narcissist. I have learned a lot about myself care and I have a wonderful therapist. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! It's a process. He's so good at what he does…….

  • Rebecca Biglow

    The latter portion of this video is more helpful to a broader audience. The suggestions to organize and plan to an extreme degree can be detrimental to someone in early stages of recovery, where slowing down is essential, particularly for those who are more artistic and right-brained who thrive on having little or no regimentation. Some people truly thrive on having less scheduling. I believe it is key to raise one’s vibration (level of good feeling, happiness, contentment) before doing tasks in order for tasks to be productive and for one to arise out of a depressed state. Otherwise, the tasks and scheduling can feel like chronic drudgery, not helping a person to get out of post-narc abuse depression. Maybe, the order of recovery is: 1st Be accepting of oneself and that slowing down to nurture oneself is ok. Self care is number 1. Meditation is great – include in mediations envisioning the best possible things occurring. 2. When one is feeling better and can visualize goals, then plan and organize if that works for a particular type of person. However, some people will do much better without regimentation, but rather doing what they feel like is healing, enjoyable, and empowering for them. Speaking from experience: The key to my healing was self love and acceptance. Doing the kind of scheduling suggested at the beginning of this video would have made me feel awful and greatly slowed my progress. I accomplish huge amounts when I am inspired and am operating in a state of high vibration. Not everyone operates the same way. Meredith, your videos are always high quality and certainly have helped so many, including myself, and overall this video includes very useful coaching, but I hope it doesn’t cause anyone to feel worse about themselves if they don’t naturally operate with such extreme left-brained organizing as described in the first part of this video, because some people thrive and recover in different ways.

  • Ronmikhail Manalastas

    :(…. I was in a web of narcissist control (federal) Work, home…

    I lost my family, car, home, and job…

    I’m like really scared of opening up to new relationships…

    I was so successful…

    I was a power lifter and an over achieving employee…

    I kept it so simple… yet so eloquent…

    I don’t know what to do anymore…

  • Amy Beard

    For at least the past year I have been questioning if I am depressed after a recent very toxic relationship, but more and more I am wondering if it’s some form of PTSD. Listening to this it really seems like that may be the case because depression really doesn’t fit. Thank you for this video. I will put these suggestions to use in my life and see if they help. 🌷

  • fibroflash

    Wow- thank you, Meredith! So many topics you mentioned are helpful and affirming for me. This one video helped me to feel like I'm not alone in my basic struggles and to realize that I'm already doing some things right to recover- and listening gave me a boost in hope!

  • Ranee Lee

    hey Meridith, 9 years with him in and out of Jail and Prison- he's 19 years younger than me, he just went back in after being out for 10 months where he promised everything and calling me wife again… then out and ghosts me stays out all night, the whole time using me for financial reasons and only intimate 1x max a month…. my brain knows the truth but my heart …. he had been so distant and ruthless yet making me feel obligated to buy his cigs, beer gas, food…etc … he promised to re-bond our love …he is looking at a lot of years in prison and now I get text from jail like "i love you" cost me .25, please don't do this, if I knew i had hurt you this bad I would have . . . "" I am in a terrible state right now and feel like a deer in headlights , , , I can't cry this time, i knew this would happen, I can't seem to move forward either. I do deal with what they say BPD, depression, anxiety, bipolar… but no meds really work …got me on muscle relaxer for aches pains and arthritis and a small dose of Seroquel,,, I rarely take dont like sleep because of nightmares…. can you please help or a referral. thank you & be blessed

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