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Are All Narcissists Malignant? What Is A Malignant Narcissist?



How to spot a malignant narcissist? Not all narcissists are malignant, this video explains the difference and how to deal with malignant narcissists.
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38 Comments

  • Julie Mosz

    I actually told my narc that I think she is one, then she mentioned the narcissistic scale and that everyone is narcissistic to some degree, again pointing the finger away from herself and assuming innocence. Michelle is right, it is the sadistic part that separates malignant narcissists from “normal” people. I remember how much pleasure she took out of seeing me in pain when my father hit me, urging him on.

  • Narc Survivor

    Not all narcissist are malignant. Malignant narcissists are more sadistic and cruel. They get a kick out of seeing you suffer and in pain. It's like an addiction to them. They have a specific agenda to mess with your mind and cause you pain.

  • metfan metfan

    Maybe they will eventuality die of cancer some say cancer correspond with hatred and sadism feelings kept hold in the body i don't know but it could when i look at people they had cancer always caring for other person and wanting something back for it but this is just one theory

  • Jan Taljaard

    I like the metaphor. BTW There are self tests on the internet so we can determine how much or how little narcissistic we are. Please note that it is BAD for somebody to have a very low level as such a person can easily be exploited.

  • Worships Cats

    I knew very well that my malignant siblings were sadistic, even as children. They so loved to torture and abuse, and did the same things with pets. They would always talk and laugh about "messing with" dogs and "making them mean". What they meant was the exact things they did to me as the scapegoat – frustrate and gaslight the animals until they became angry, and then we're labeled "mean". I was always called "meanie" with a nasty smirk from them when I stood up for myself. The covert was sooo quiet with her laughter and joy over the bullying, it took me longer to figure her out of course.

  • D. Kirk

    Repetitve patterns of behavior reveals them. I would bring up an issue or concern only to hear my narc pretend to apologize, then promise not to do the hurtful (disrespectful) pattern of behavior again…then she immediately returns to the behavior over and over again.

    Its crazy and definitely scary at times, you don’t know what to expect from them.

    All you do is go in circles as you get wounded over and over again.

  • lucys1226

    The penny has finally dropped that my soon to be MIL is a narcissist. My fiancé even listed to a conversation with her in which she belittled me, mocked me and spoke over me. He think this conversation was fine and believes she wasn’t rude at all. I find it so hurtful that I he can’t see what a normal person would see. I have tried to understand it from his point of view in that he has been raised by this woman and doesn’t know any better. But I have this sick feeling that it doesn’t matter what she were to say or do, he would always believe she has acted perfectly normal in that situation. I am due to marry this man in 5 months and really doubting if I can do this for the rest of my life. Please help me 😩 advice would be appreciated

  • Esther Burghard

    Where do you draw the line? Interesting viewpoint. Your last video where you mentioned crocodile tears made me realize a lot of features of a Narc. But question even if the crocodile cries it does eat up its pray. Can you say a crocodile enjoys it? We dont know.
    I would rather not connect malignant Narc to the enjoyment of causing pain but rather to true intention of a person.
    A malignant Narc harms because its a rigged programming in his mind to harm. That is how he feels safe. If no one is stronger than him he is safe from others harming him. Thats the bottom of a malignant Narc's behaviour and logic.

  • Tara Sandback

    Yes! Mine always took offense to any joke or any criticism, no matter how tasteful. He would go on for HOURS about how he could never get ahead in his job because his higher ups were idiotic and oppressive and no one was willing to recognize what he did. After many different supervisors and multiple different positions over the course of 8 years, I FINALLY started to notice the pattern. I also began to notice he increasingly seemed to go out of his way to embarrass me in public or “throw me under the bus” every chance he got. I always felt like he secretly hated me, but when I would voice this, he’d roll his eyes and laugh and tell me I was ridiculous and to stop being so dramatic. I believed it for awhile, but I woke up about a year ago and now I see it all so clearly. It’s amazing how they can suck you in and then gradually heat up the water til it’s boiling and almost too late for you. His sister is just as bad, the whole family is just one big narcissistic party. 🤦🏼‍♀️

  • Gabriel Frostbrand

    Great point.
    What makes a Narcissist a Narcissist is not a big ego but an ego without boundaries and therefore without limits.
    This is different from a big ego because it sustains itself from outside sources it is emeshed with due to the lack of boundaries.
    So the key component that makes Narcissist so destructive is vampirism. They are not self-contained or self-sufficient and sustain themselves on other people (narcissistic supply). This manifests in social predation or parasitism.
    You don´t have to be a Narcissist in order to be an asshole, callous, rude (or whatever other unpleasant trait), but there is almost no Narcissist who does´nt have atleast one of these traits for deriving narcissistic supply. They don´t just do what they have to because they don´t care about others, but because they can´t care about others (in every possible sense), yet they need them in order to feed on them. This is why they are not really likely to change. Because even if they would want to, they can´t just stop themselves from feeding on others. If they have nothing to feed on they starve, therefore giving up fully or letting it get away is a threat to their psychological survival.

    Narcs don´t just behave badly, they do so because it gets them something, that they need to get and can´t (or don´t want to?) get otherwise.
    This is the difference from normal people who sometimes do bad things (especially under shitty circumstances), but don´t do them out of a necessity to gain something but because of instrumental reasons, pressure or coercion, herd instinct, their own reactions, confusion, fear, anger, a misguided sense of righteousness etc.etc.

  • Violet Mellon

    Thank you for clarifying this…I dont think my ex was a malignant narc, although he did seem to get relief from my pain. I think this was more because it indicated to him he was still in control and could get to me, not so much that he derived pleasure from my pain. That said said he still did plenty of damage, but I’ve often thought, because I had no concept of who he really was, it could have been a lot worse…

  • scienceandliberty

    More character traits which might suggest malignancy include cunning, devious, spiteful, compulsive lying, vindictive, malicious, shameless, envious, exploitative in pursuit of self-interest, cynical and paranoid, misanthropic, contemptuous, glib, supercilious, Machiavellian, indifferent to the well-being of others, shirks accountability, unconcerned about reciprocity and proportionality in relationships and interactions, has self-serving bias, and views interactions with others as a contest of wits. This is not an all-inclusive list, nor should it be misconstrued as a concrete indication of malignancy, but just things to be wary of.

  • Natthebratster

    I believe low spectrum narcs are taught/raised where malignant narcissists, like psychopaths, are congenitally defected at birth. I lived with a malignant that got enormous pleasure out of doling out all types of abuse to both me and my mother, but he used to smile and laugh and actually “got off” from our physical pain-from abuse or otherwise. My mother took her own life 4/2016 and I survive by a 2,200 mile distance barrier and low contact. I say survive because I suffer from acute CPTSD and even at 78 the malignant narc is still very adept at recruiting family and other flying monkeys to try to get me to “break” and come back to the place where I suffered abuse first hand. You’ll know the difference between a malignant and a typical narc by the fact that they, the malignants, are capable of both soul death and in some cases physical death. Every day is a struggle to find “permission to survive” after long term expose to these “beings”. Hope this discernment helps someone.

  • Debra Wilson

    Evil is evil. Even if a narcissist has not gone over the edge of sadistic they are able to do so and do so very quickly. They both turn everything good into evil and you are the cause of that evil-always. A narcissist lives in darkness and hates the light. So regardless of the depth of their narcissism they are still in darkness. One could have many demons are just one, but they are still evil to the core. I can't say all are possessed but many are governed and controlled by the principalities of darkness. Why don't they change? Because they love being evil, it benefits them and that is why they smile. It's like going into a candy shop and getting their sweet treat. To a normal happy person, a sweet treat is blessing someone and showing them love. To a narcissist a sweet treat is destroying someone's life and laughing about it.

  • Ty Smith

    I've been binge watching your program and at one point I think that you mentioned that you try to read all of the comments… Well let's see.

    My mother passed away last year… The last act of a convert narcist was to make Thanksgiving all about herself.
    Since then I had checked myself into therapy and found that I too have narcissim or narcissistic tendency's. I have been horribly abusive to the some of the people around me. Most times I feel a chronic, silent and cold anger. Other times I feel like an infant on the brink of a temper tantrum… A child with shame. My inner child is not happy and very alone. I don't know how bad I am and… I don't know if I'm beyond redemption. I do not wish to be toxic, I do not wish to be angry, and I do not wish to verbally and emotionally abuse the people who are closest to me… But it's like an addiction. I can't seem to stop the mental pattern. As soon as I get in my car it's like having to light up a cigarette. My brain instantly goes to the negative… And festers.
    I was the Golden child. I was blind to this less than a year ago. Wtf should I do?

  • Cmdr Harcourt F. Mudd

    They exist. I am in the process of saving myself and my 3yo child from one. Toxic. Evil. Heartless. A literal monster. She is inhuman. She dropped her mask fully. I saw what lay beneath and it was beyond horrid. Those like her lack all that is 'human' and purposedully seek to manipulate and destroy it, and they enjoy the slow suffering they cause. Fully aware. Done very willfully. They are demonic is the simplest I can put it.

  • c r

    I hope you get to read this. I am going to therapy after years of this dynamic in my family. I feel like I have told the therapist what has happened and don't think she understands and don't feel validated. My therapist says ''it happened in the past'', I say ''yes, but it is still stuck in my head and is the foundation I have''. So I don't know where to go from here, I feel like everyone is thinking I am crazy cause they don't understand. Can you please answer me and tell me if this is normal therapy?

  • Morton Carol

    My doctor's medical asst. just a few days ago said to me, At least, you are alive. My husband & my mother did their very best to put me 6 feet under. My daughter is married to one, but I can't tell her, because she would run & tell him & put us both in danger! Between rock & a hard place & can't stop worrying about the situation she is in!

  • creator

    Their tear ducts are non wet for sure. The facial impressions appear sad but, no actual wetness coming from their eyes or their nose.
    And, then, they do the same thing another day. They will save up the thing that hurts you for a time when they can really cause a lot of pain. An opportunity for them to hurt you.

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