Ah, being trans in the gym. Both empowering and torturous, my workouts make me feel so at home in my gender, and my workouts also make me feel like utter crap in my gender. I so often have to remind myself that I need to assess myself for me, not according to anyone else’s standards. I’m not a cis guy. I don’t want to be a cis guy, and I personally don’t want to pass as one, either. But the pressures of life and constant misgendering and social dysphoria, make it really hard to remember those things sometimes. The gym is where I build, just like I do in therapy, how I want to see myself.
And that translates so strongly into my relationship, too. I need to be able to identify what I want for me, on my own terms and standards, as does my wife. And, as a couple, we need to define what we want for ourselves, regardless of what other people expect or tell us. Avoiding that social pressure is hard, but it’s so damn necessary. Because as Dr. Stubbs says, “People who don’t ask for what they want often do not get what they want.”