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7 Steps to Start to Heal the Mother Wound



7 Steps to Start to Heal the Mother Wound
https://terricole.com/7-steps-to-heal-the-mother-wound-cheatsheet/

If you’ve had painful experiences with your mother…

If you’ve been let down, neglected, judged, criticized, humiliated or abused…

If deep down, all of your life, you’ve known that something was wrong with your relationship with your mom…

Know that now you are an adult, and your unloving or rejecting mother has already taken enough from you.

Isn’t it time that you start running the show of your own internal and external life?

That means getting committed to your own healing. If you’re down for making that commitment to yourself, then keep reading.

This is part 2 of my two-part series on the Mother Wound. If you haven’t watched part 1, “What is the Mother Wound?”, please go here to watch that first, so you can understand what it is and how it could be affecting your life and your relationships.

This week, I’m sharing 7 steps you can take to start to heal from the emotional and psychological injuries of the mother wound.

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in mindfulness, meditation, relationships, and well being. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEO’s. She empowers over 100,000 women weekly through her platform, online community + popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.

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33 Comments

  • Ann Malone

    Latino mom’s think they are all saints, they have kids for an insurance in the old age…. so whatever your mom is like…. good or bad…. you have to be grateful because they’ve fed you, clothe you and sent you to school…. smh 🙄

  • Lovely Ana

    Wow! I love this! Thank you so much!!!! I've seen therapist before, but they never explain things like this. I have a mother wound and couldn't figure how to process my emotions and pain in a healthy way. This definitely helps!!!!! Thank you so much again!!!

  • Cynthia Geisler

    Brilliant! Please please help, my Adult children she has gone after, I protected them from her for years, until they moved into college and the Navy, I am livid she is going after my grandaughter, who is 4 months old, and to my daughter in law, can I confront her even though they are all adults, my sons and daughter in law, and her side of the family, she has decided to pretend I am dead and can steal my new relatives! This is the biggest part of her triangulation, after I have gone no contact. I would be breaking no contact, but I told my son with the baby, if necessary I am the last one to get abused, i will do everything in my power to protect my grandaughter from them. Lawyers, police, too much to tell here. But I really at a loss with everyone is over 18. They couldnt wait until my children were adults so they could buy them, they buy them huge gifts, trucks, condos, trips, all with mega strings attached. I warned them to not take one dime, but at young ages, they are overwhelmed with the false generosity. My mother has kept a record of every dime since i was born that i cost her and my brother, and our children, everyone is exoected to re pay since birth, it is the most vile thing my therapist said he had heard.
    Everything you said was spot on, I only kept re-marrying my npd mom, in 3 men! I have a therapist, he heard one voice mail from my mother, he said.. good god Their is your Narcissist! We have done Emdr on her and fatgers abuses, i so long to be free of the pain, the mother wound truly is a pain like no other pain! Thank you for all your videos!! A real blessing to my life.

  • Monie Burns

    Oh I have no problem saying it was her who created these wounds. That woman ignored me when I told her about my dad touching me inappropriately. There's no fucking excuse for a "Christian" to ignore that. Hypo-Christian. I can understand this or that about her but this?

    I had a good friend who's mother I'd go and talk to when I couldn't talk to my own. My friend was so lucky to have the mom she did and I told her this a couple of months ago and she agreed. I hated not being able to talk to her about shit. Every time I gave her a chance to behave differently, she always made the choice to judge and criticize me. Where's the "Christianity" in all this? That bitch sold my horse without telling me because she was mad at my dad. I was spending half the summer with him per court order and she did this while I was gone. What kind of person does this to their kids? Between her doing this and my dad returning every photo he had of me when I didn't want to return back to his place after spending spring break at my mom's, I got it from both sides. I was 12 and 14 when these things occurred. Both have a big REJECTION stamp of disapproval on them. Assholes.

  • Monie Burns

    I never had kids because of what they did to me. As a kid, I knew that history repeats itself and I couldn't take the chance of doing something fucked up to my kids, so I never had any. And I was right to do so because my sister has 3 kids and she did to them what my mom and dad both did to us. She took on both roles and her oldest hasn't talked to her in nearly 5 years because he was sick of her drama. That could've been me had I had kids. So glad I never had any. That has been the best decision I've ever made in my life. By far.

  • Mary Cudney

    I don’t know how to thank you except to say thank you, thank you, thank you for the explanation of a mother wound and that I need to take a look at all conflicts with family brothers, sisters and my mother in that light. It is such an emotional realization. ❤️

  • Saphire Rose

    My mother has a tendency to put me down in social settings. e.g.) in front of my school teachers(although I was a topper in class), when my father's colleagues and family come over for dinner (I hate these social family chit chat), in front of relatives…etc. she has very poor taste of shaming me in public. There was a time in high school when I used to pray someone would get rid of her. complaining to my father is useless because he lost his mother at age 15, and he holds 'a mother' very high. even worse, my sister(elder) has copied my mother and she also does the same thing quite often. ( after watching your videos, I think she has quite a few traits of a 'golden child' . she thinks it is her right to hurt me. insult me.)I have always felt very alone. and always envied my classmates who had parents who celebrated their children's success and genuinely felt happy for their children's happiness. I feel very sad when I realize that what I am happy about, what I am proud of, what I celebrate, is not a shared feeling with them. I cannot remember a single birthday when my parents were not fighting. it is a monkey house. (luckily, I am away now, finally!)

    I have felt and still feel very withdrawn.
    I often wonder if I should watch movies or read books or comics to get a better idea of what normal relations and families look like and to learn how to interact well.

    You mentioned that we should find a mentor or/and close friend, but that is not an option, because there is no one as 'close friend' to begin with.
    I haven't gone out with friends for years.
    I probably won't be here if someone near me had resolved this problem.

    I recently attended a two day seminar on interpersonal skills where the instructor divided the attendies into four groups based on answers to specific questions, which classified me into 'introvert thinker' which, when I ask myself, seems to make sense.

    I don't talk unless there is a necessity to talk. even when there are people and it has been silent for long
    I hate being asked personal questions
    I become restlest when people try to come too close
    I *hate* family and relative get-togethers (I don't want to meet any of them)
    certain things can keep me thinking for days, months and even years
    social gatherings are often more energy consuming and stressful than energizing.

    I think people around me don't feel close to me either, but that is fine, as it is better than getting messy.

    The above is a fact, but as long as I live, not facing situations , and avoiding interacting with people /(including the problematic ones on occasions) is not an option.
    Therefore, it would be very helpful if you could discuss topics like 'skills to become street wise, for those who missed it in their upbringing' , ' how to make sure monsters never mess-up your special days' 'handling troublesome people with elegance, grace and dignity'

    I have searched these topics, but they are too obscure.

    Thank you for your videos. they have been very helpful.

  • Jill Young

    Thank you kind sister. Love you for this. I have started to love me, and forgive my mom. I wish I could have her back with me to have a lovely mother/ daughter chat. But sadly she died 23 years ago. After a lifetime of upsets, I often wonder what they were all about! All I had to do was love her. Huge regret! I understand everything you’re saying. Shame it took me until nearly 65 yrs old to fathom it all out! Better late than never!
    I do have a loving husband now. Helps a lot.

  • Tiffany Soto

    Thank you so much for this video and for your work. Tonight is the first time I have ever seen any of your videos, I am grateful they popped up in my suggested viewing. I really needed to hear this today. I went no contact with my entire family of origin 3.5 years ago to get away from my narcissistic mother and sister who is just like my mother, they are so narcissistic and abusive that it’s actually dangerous to be in contact with them. This choice to go no contact has been good for me in many ways but i do still have rough days and feel like I am trying to rebuild my entire life after having my old perception of things shattered through unbearable and unending trauma when I was in contact with them, some days it’s so heavy. My healing process has happened in waves and cycles and today was on the rougher side. I needed to hear every single word you said, you touched my inner child heart. Thank you so very much. I’m definitely subscribed! 🙏🏾💛✨

  • Shaní Clayton

    Hi Terri, Thank you for this video. I am still confused in regards to my own mother. I am also an Empath. I have yet to find a therapist who has really listened to my concerns in regards to my mother and help me decipher the issues in order to find a plan on how to deal with my relationship with her.

  • Daphne Kerchmar

    Thank you Terri you have shown me more than anyone eve has…right now I'm self-destructing and I don't know how to stop it. I hate the way I feel and I hate that I'm hurting the people who I love the most I just don't know how to stop. I'm working with over 40 years of abuse from my parents to my ex-husband and ex-fiancee. I love the man that I am with but I am destroying him and I don't know why…please help

  • Sabrina Marie Castro

    Thank you so much Terri for your sincere efforts in helping people like me who were terribly impacted by narcissistic mother and infected with severe mother wounds. I'm turning 37 this year and it is just recently i learned and understand through watching your videos what i have been through in my dark past with my narcissistic mother. I am starting healing myself now and i realized that its not easy, its very difficult picking up the broken pieces of my life because i really was broken into pieces severely because of what i experienced with my narcissistic mother. I want to say that, i can feel the sincerity, the genuineness of your efforts in helping individuals like me. I love your videos.Thank you so much Terri!

  • Light Johson J

    Terri Cole!
    Very interesting video thank you for your work. Number 6 finding a mentor not only have I had repeating realities, but I have known a mentor for over 6 years thought they were unconditional someone who I looked up to who shared a lot of time and advice. And they turned on me were critical were judgement its like I met someone like my mom all over again…. and were not there when I needed them I wonder if this wound is deeper not only repeating realities but finding mentors that judge you? Talk about crazy I have serious trust issues I still need more therapy any thoughts?

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