narcissist videos

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Father | Father/Daughter Relationship



This video answers the question: What are the signs of a narcissistic father in the context of a father daughter relationship (paternal narcissism)? What is the Electra Complex? What are daddy issues in the context of narcissism in relationships? What the difference between narcissistic possessiveness and narcissistic indifference? I answer this question by providing seven signs of the narcissistic father.

Seven signs of the narcissistic father:

1. Father sees his daughter is an extension of himself
2. Father tries to control and shape the daughter into the perfect child
3. The daughters emotional needs are not attended to
4. Father will be perceived by others as extremely caring
5. Distorted view of value
6. Adored today and forgotten tomorrow
7. Daughter blames the mother for the perceived flaws of the father

Narcissism:

There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.

Herzog, J. M. (2009). Father hunger and narcissistic deformation. Psychiatric Annals, 39(3), 156–163.

Finzi-Dottan, R., & Cohen, O. (2019). Involvement and acceptance of custodial fathers: The role of narcissism and caregiving. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 20(1), 82–92.

Kilmartin, C. T., & Dervin, D. (1997). Inaccurate representation of the Electra complex in psychology textbooks. Teaching of Psychology, 24(4), 269–271.

Powell, S. (1993). Electra: The Dark Side of the Moon. Journal of Analytical Psychology, 38(2), 155–174.

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21 Comments

  • Gale Divaris

    Thanks so much again Dr Grande. Please could you do the Vanerable Narscisst Mother and Son relationship. It seems very similar to the Grandiose Narscisst relationship with the daughter. Thanks again. Looking forward to your next upload.

  • Kybele Kordax

    Thank you for this analysis, Dr. Grande. I unfortunately had a covert narcissist for a mother and my late father was overtly narcissistic. He was very involved in my successes (whilst my mother ignored or took credit for them) but very embarrassed if I 'failed' at something e.g. my shyness as a young child embarrassed him and he'd choose to yell at me in public (such as when I lined up at the back of a line to have swimming lessons) which certainly isn't helpful for an already shy, sensitive child! Plus my mother was jealous of my father's attention and time spent with me. Your pointing out the narcissistic father tries to control the daughter in so many areas is on pointe, although thankfully I didn't view this with pride but annoyance and anger at his being controlling. "Adored today and forgotten tomorrow" is so apt, unfortunately, as is the father's lack of involvement in terms of providing emotional support for the daughter's needs.

  • pure soul

    Ei daktari !!!(doctor) ever so on point, av seen all these played before my very eyes just needed to put a name to it. Our daughter has gone thru all that but she would come to my defense whenever the dad tried to corrupt her. Shes very loving of him tho and hopes he will love her in return someday which makes me sad but I pray her faith will work for her. Av suggestted to her about counselling but she will not hear of it. Learnt late about narcissism when she was 21 and av noted traits in her shes 24 now but we are talking openly.

  • Joni Dietrich

    Great info here. Thank you. Would you do a video on father w vulnerable narcissism and daughter. We have such a situation. Here we have a case where the daughter (from a professional family) grew up to become a recluse and never reached her potential in most areas. She cleans house for a few people and is unable to work for an agency. She has no children although living with someone and doesn’t seem to have much of a life. I just wondered how her fathers NPD May have impacted this only child.

  • P F

    Please can you do a video on how a woman with a narcissistic father affects her personal relationships. Basically a woman with Daddy issues. Personally I've noticed the woman develop some sort of paranoia disorder??

  • Amelia

    Thank you, Dr.Grande- very interesting! Could we have a video on social media and how it relates to narcissism? I'm dealing with some mixed feelings around my narcissistic parent partaking in social media activity namely Instagram. It seems like blatant self-promotion and the posts come across as advertising or marketing- the people that comment on pictures write sycophantic sickly sweet things. This type of activity is obviously going to appeal to a narcissist… but said parent insists that it is totally harmless, benign and just for fun. Can it actually be harmless? Is it more detrimental for certain personalities? Is it irresistible to the narcissistic personality? Is this type of self-promotion ever good for us mentally/emotionally? Thanks again!

  • Cynthia Alsup

    Interesting and insightful! Thank you. I wonder what a mother can do to negate the competition the narcissistic father encourages between mother and daughter? How can a mother overcome the competitive bent being pushed on them and help her daughter be truly free?

  • Jennifer Hall

    It is only well into my adulthood that I finally see how I may have unfairly criticized my mother, true to Electra complex form. Although I think my case is unique in that it was my mom that was emotionally distant and abusive at times and my father who was emotionally nurturing, which he started to take advantage of sexually and thankfully that was intervened early. I thought for the longest time my mom was an overt narcissist with a temper but it’s taken a lot longer to see how my father covertly worked – sneaky. Most friends and family would agree he was a good guy, coolheaded. But obviously if you are molesting your daughter, you are not a good guy. Yet, to this day I’m thankful for his support of me to be the unique individual I am, unlike my mom who has never been as accepting. Thank you for the additional insight. Sadly, it sort of makes me feel I’m too messed up to for anyone else and that I am at my best as a single person. Maybe you could speak to that as well?

  • red shoes

    Oh boy. Someone mentioned Sam Vaknin on this thread. Vaknin is in no way qualified to speak on mh issues. He is a 'doctor' only in that he holds a PhD. His dissertation was published in 1982 and has nothing to do with psychology or psychiatry. He does not base his theories on his own empirical research, since he has none, and his 'Cold Therapy' is based on anecdotal evidence and bits and pieces borrowed from clinicians. He became interested in narcissism in the first place because he was diagnosed as one himself. Just take a look at his Wiki, if you want more information.

    This kind of thing is a huge problem in the YouTube mental health community. I'm sure everyone remembers the drama not long ago in which another fake mh expert tried to twist Dr Grande's words in such a way that they seemed to be supportive of the fake. That lasted for a hot minute, because Dr G dealt with it in no uncertain terms. However, the YT mh community does not seem to regulate itself or to have any standard requirements(education, clinical background) of the people it allows to call themselves experts. I think that a lot of people believe that since those channels are allowed to operate, they must be of some merit and that the people running them are qualified to do so. That's a reasonable enough assumption, I suppose, but you may find it helpful to check out backgrounds and qualifications and make an informed decision as to whether such channels are anything more than entertainment. Unfortunately, many of them are not, but they don't let that get in the way of selling you books and other merch.

    Happy Monday! Cheers.

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