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6 Side Effects of Toxic families

Growing up in a dysfunctional family is not always obvious. Similar to symptoms of anxiety and depression, the signs may range from mild to severe, which can go unnoticed in the everyday lives of toxic families.

Types of childhood Abuse:

Script: Catherin H.
Voice Over: Star Martin
Animation: Grace Cárdenas Cano

Intro: Surey Camacho

Project Manager: Erin Bogo
Community Manager: Priscilla Cha, Nicole Pridemore
Producer: Psych2Go

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  • bobby

    (also sorry if the grammar and spellings r wrong I didn’t try to make it perfect and I ccried a lot writing this)
    tbh idk if I like my family or not. try criticized me a lot and always pointed out my flaws. Iwas never able to vent to anyone bc I was always conflicted. they did horrible, horrible things, but in a way showed me love and took care of me and did things for me not just bc it’s mandatory or beneficial to them. my family has always been dysfunctional and toxic, but I’m p sure I could never report any of this to a counselor or any adult, since they’d call the police and I still love my family too much for that.

    ehem so, my family has always been abusive, if u don’t do smthing they like u get a slap or punch to the face. it’s been like that ever since I could even talk. my mom is a great mom, rlly. she’s scolds is when we do wrongs, and tells us what we need to improve on positively. but she doesn’t understand how to explain it without hurting anyone’s feelings, she sometimes goes to the point where she gets extremely angry and starts going off on everyone and hitting us. she does tend to restrain herself most of the time, tho sometimes it slips. ever since she was a child, she always had a different perspective due to her having a rough lifestyle back then, so me trying to communicate with her is frustrating since I always feel like crying after.

    my dad is probably the one I dislike most in family, or maybe not I’m sure. he’s hot headed, very toxic and abusive towards my family and especially me, always thinks he’s right even when he’s not, screams and threatens u if u don’t do smthing he likes, always getting into ppls business, not trying to understand other people’s feelings. he has always fat shamed me, sometimes would grab my thighs or stomach and told me to lose weight and got angry when I said I was perfectly fine (bc I am average weight). even as a little kid, I never felt comfortable being around him and would not leave anywhere if I was going to be with him alone. I hated sitting next to him in the car, or going to stores by ourselves, etc. one night, it got rlly bad. someone pooped in the toilet and didn’t flush, my dad saw this and asked my older sister and brother, but they both said no. my dad thinking my sister was lying kept telling her to tell the truth, and that infuriated my sister so she kept saying, “it wasn’t me.” my dad tried to slap her but my older brother stopped him. my dad thought it was disrespectful and tried to him instead and he succeeded. my mom heard and came and tried to stop him, so my dad tried to choke my mom, and she kept screaming and wheezing and every time I think about this I wanna fucking cry. my older brother tried to stop him again so my dad started choking him instead. more screaming and a vase breaking is all I remember after that. I felt so fucking bad bc I was in the bathroom sobbing and calling my friend bc I was so scared. the next morning, my siblings had to walk to their own school bc my dad said they weren’t allowed to be driven anymore. and my mom sat next to me while I still sleeping and started crying and saying things which I don’t remember. I wish I was able to comfort but I couldn’t bc that would’ve been uncomfortable since my family isn’t close. I think I started hating my dad even more after that—what he did was unacceptable and I’ll never forgive him.

    my older brother, weLL I guess we’re close. we do have our arguments and things like that but who doesn’t. but sometimes fighting with him sucks, bc it’s not ur “typical siblings fights.” it always involves a lot of screaming. but besides that I always joke about everything with him and he’s genuinely a sweet person, always giving things to ppl without anything in return and just always wanting to help ppl. the sucky thing is he picked up some nasty traits due to being in a toxic family. he’s very hotheaded and hits things when angry. nonetheless I care for him.

    my older sister is like the person I can spill tea with. we talk about girl things and I think we’re pretty close. we talk about our crushes and sometimes we have deep topics. and I feel like I can connect with her. but I dislike being threatened by her. she puts me in a position where I can’t say no or else I’ll get in trouble since my parents prefer her over me. she’s selfish and takes what she wants, and I hate that so much about her, but like my brother I still love her.

    my little brother, gah I love him so much. he’s just the sweetest thing ever. dude he’s always wanting to help people and he’s just- I love him so much u don’t understand. I want him to live the best life, free of toxic relationships. he’s still rlly little and is picking up on things I don’t like. he’s starting to fat shame bc of my father and I try to discipline him but screams when I do it bc I’m not able to show him who’s boss. I wanna help him be a better person and I hope I’m someone important to him in his life.

    I’m close with my siblings in some parts, but not to the point where I can talk about my feelings.

    growing up, I had very low self-esteem. and I mean extremely low. around the 7th grade, it got to the point where I couldn’t do t anymore and wanted to give up. every day I thought about killing myself and even had attempted a couple of times but only ended up alive and breathing. I was never able to properly communicate and relate to other ppl and making friends was such a hard task for me. I couldn’t say compliments or ily or anything cheesy or nice bc I felt so uncomfortable and would cry whenever I said those. I never talked (and I mean never) bc I felt like I would get in trouble if I said anything so ppl thought I was mute or conceited or lazy. my church had always told me that I was fat and judged me for every thing I did so I was scared about everything bc I thought nobody would like me if I messed up. teachers picked on me a lot, and I mean a lot. which was weird bc I never talked and did my work without any complaints but they always seemed to take joy in humiliating or making fun of me. they always called on me and when I didn’t get an answer right they told me that I was focusing and would go off on me, which wasn’t true so it made me feel like I was stupid and couldn’t do anything properly. before presentations, I would freak out and start hyperventilating and crying bc I was scared. some teachers were kind enough to let me present it one on one, tho some points were deducted. some didn’t let me so me trying to show what I did on the doc or slides was a sobbing mess. my friends made me feel so low. bc I felt like they were prettier and better than me and was constantly jealous bc they had amazing families and their parents bought them things and showed love and they hung out together, while my family didn’t do any of that, I didn’t even have many things. I was very alone, I was incredibly unhappy and would cry quietly to myself a lot, and was never able to tell anyone about my feelings.

    to this day, not much has changed and I’m still p lonely LOL. it still sucks but I trying to make things worthwhile before I leave the house.

  • alli_ xo101

    My parents don’t love each other and are only together because of me. Idk if that’s considered toxic, but it has effected me in a negative way. Like my parents despise each other, and it’s very obvious and everyone else in my family seems to look the other way.

  • Shuaib Ahmed

    i believe that people that have toxic families are the strongest people on earth (emotionally) because they deal with the worst. some of them give up because of how overwhelming it is…. all i would say is…. guys stay strong… i am with you

  • Miyomi Konran

    Yeah, I relate with those and strongly agree with cutting off some family members to not drown with them. It's the only thing you can do sometimes, you have to choose yourself without looking back. Even if it can hurt you or make you feel bad in the beginning. About those side effects I mostly relate to lack of self indentity, troubles with relationships with other people, both romantic and non- romantic and trust issues. In my situation it was my father who was toxic, but because of him, my mom abused me verbally for years because she wasn't able to deal with stress he was causing her. It's so hard to overcome even one os those side effects… I hope one day I'll be able to tell myself that I finally did it.

  • Alex Dent

    I already knew I grew up in a toxic dysfunctional family, but it wasnt till recently that I realized that is the reason I have so many issues. You get used to the pain and the feeling of never being good enough. It's a very hard cycle to break… one that I am working on daily. Thank you for this video

  • Jacob Timmerman

    I recently cut myself off from my family. I have been struggling with thinking that I made the wrong choice or I was over reaction. That even I had made up what had happened and what the results were. But the verbal abuse, neglect and mistreatment left a lasting impression on me that I'm trying to understand, adjust to and overcome. Thank you for giving this information it helps more than I can express.

  • Jennifer Hunt

    I can relate to everything in this video. As an adult I have pretty bad anxiety, and the tragic thing is that my family (especially my mother) see my anxiety as more of an isolated issue due to me being 'problematic', rather than an issue that was formed BY THEM and my upbringing. So not only did I have a shitty childhood, I also suffer the consequences of that childhood (anxiety) AND I am to blame for it (according to them). I tried to cut my mother off a year ago, but I couldn't live with the guilt because somewhere inside of her she does love me in her own weird way. So now I only talk to her via text. I don't see her at all and I definitely do not speak to her partner (the man that verbally abused me since age 9). The most disappointing thing though, is how my brother (who is the only good one) cut me off because of my attempts to cut my mother off. He is smart enough to see what I see in her, yet I don't think he can fully grasp the damage that was done to me and how much cutting her and her partner off would actually benefit my mental health. He has more sympathy for my mother, as she has had a tough life, so I get where he is coming from. But disappointing that he cannot see where I am coming from, because he actually has a little more of a relationship with her than I ever did (I was mostly neglected and isolated). I get so angry when I think about how close-minded he has been for this, and I really relied on him to be the objective thinker. Turns out I am more objective than him.

  • Preeti Oswal

    I think my family is unintentionaly. They criticize and say it is for my good.they say they have many hopes from me but they unknowingly pressurise me and I dont even trust people or share any of my problem. I also many times feel so low

  • Nonov Purapura

    Its me…i wish someone could help me yet they keep blaming me for being asocial,not confident,fat and always have negative thoughts,always have panic attack…when i got panic attack keep blaming over and over till i cant breath like zombie

  • Melgirl girl

    I live in family with my mom & dad and a year younger brother. My parents always worked all the time and left us alone, I did everything on my own, they where never there to help me in my schooldays, at home when my brother used to beat me up to blood, when I had a problem, when I needed a shoulder to cry. So I became very good at doing everything on my own and lived my life independently. I relied on my best friends and had them as my everything. But one day friends all left, moved away, leaving me all alone. That's when depression kicked in, I was suicidal, I cried every day, I still have very sever depression. I was afraid to make friends because I was sacred of losing them again. And so I became cold, words had no meaning, I ignored the pain, ignored when I was in love, I ignored everything and everyone, nothing would hurt me. Nothing but them, my parents… They always managed to hurt me, since I know for my self they always criticized me, they always jelled, always made fun of me no matter what I've done I was never god enough, they judged me for my bad grades and ignored all the success (I was an A student, I went to the best gymnasium in my country) I achieved alone, they always called me names, pointed out my every mistake, and when me and my brother argued they always punished me, when I would defend myself from my brother I would get punished. I always read books and information text on internet so I knew a lot of thing, and I always loved psychology and psychiatry so I read a lot of things about mental illness and I want to become a psychiatrist, so when I started talking about mental illness and psychiatry they made fun of me and said that all of that is fake and I shouldn't read that kind of stupid literature. I asked them about what they though of depression and I was broken after that, they said such disgusting things talked about such annoying stereotypes and made fun of those with the illness. I never told them that I suffered from depression for over 4 years when I told them that. I was made fun of for everything I said and they always broke my dreams and hopes. I still despise my family, I hate what they've done to me, for I have only been hurt by them. Still till this day I have problems with my self image, confidence and social interaction because of all the verbal abuse I went trough in my hose. I'm trying to become someone and leave my past behind but my family is clinging to me and dragging me down. I lost my self in my lies, I lost the person I was. They always criticality abused me and I always had to pretend that I was alright, lying about depression in schools, lying at home, I pretend to be alright, to be someone else, until I've lost myself and I never got their support and care.

  • cheech meech

    This represent most Nigerian families! I didn’t understand all of these effects until I moved out of my family’s home and started my self journey smh u can’t change people but u can change who you choose to be around with

  • Don't give cats Metacam

    When you talk to my father you do not speak of politics, religion, guns, or anything controversial. Disagreeing with him gets you screamed at for having a different opinion. Nothing is ever his fault, he'll always blame you. Don't expect an apology because you'll never get one. Its like walking on eggshells, always afraid of saying the wrong things.

  • Hiba Abdalla

    I had experienced toxic situations through my teenage years
    Now am disconnected from my father no matter how hard I tried to connect with him it just seems not worth it to me
    I do have trouble maintaining romantic relationships, and my parents are divorced now😿
    I think I need sometime to acknowledge all of that.

  • Emma Leslie

    I have several of these symptoms for sure. Growing up, my father was emotionally abusive towards me and my mom. My parents would fight and bicker and argue constantly over the stupidest little things, even when my sister and I tried to get them to stop. He'd gaslight and belittle her too. He would also scream at me and call me horrible names, and do other things to make me cry. He had had a tough upbringing and never got the help he needed, so my mom had to do literally everything in their relationship. And after everything, he gave up and left us for another woman. I don't love him, but my sister does because he never treated her like shit, and now she's mad at me because she can't see why I don't love him. I can see why she does, and I respect her feelings, but I know she thinks he can do no wrong and is in denial over the fact that he hurt me. The biggest issue I face because of him is trusting people. I only have one close friend and we barely see each other anymore because she's in college. I hope I can overcome my trust issues and let people outside my family into my heart.

  • Lettermanization

    Great video! I have gotten help seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. My parents were abusive. My Dad is an alcoholic and my Mom is a emotional abuser. My Dad physically, and mentally abused me. When I got home I never knew what mood he was in. If he drank or if he was going to go off on me for the littlest things. My Mom used to tell me how much of a disgusting pig I am and told me that all I care about is the stupid video games and cartoons that I grew up with. This led me to believe I am a careless asshole. Nothing I ever did was enough for them. I started to become a perfectionist.

    Not realizing how much this effected me I turned emotionless, distrust of people, and just didn't care if the wind blew me away. There was days where if the wind did, it would be sweeter and I wouldn't feel like I am caged. I judged myself harshly everyday for little things that I messed up not realizing this made things worse. Yeah I got straight A's in highschool where I was only getting C's and D's freshman year but I didn't even feel like I accomplished it. It was my parents doing, they did it. It always felt everything I did right in life was because of my parents but every mistake I made was because of me. I was never "right".

    This couple of months I started to build my self esteem and am trying everything I can to not judge myself on every step I make. It is hard. It is almost like it is ingrained in my brain to feel like a worthless piece of shit.

  • Suga Kookie with a cup of Tae

    These videos only make me more confused… I know I’m growing up better than other children, er, that’s how it may seem to outsiders? I was raised by my mother since I was little, and she had PTSD and a number of other disorders that made it hard to live with her. She was always angry, throwing things and yelling, but a few hours later she would always knock on my door crying and I would have to comfort her. She painted my father in a bad light, saying he was irresponsible and that he hardly cared for me at all. I hardly saw him, and when I did go and visit him (halfway across the country) he was always caught up in a job or playing on his phone. It’s like he never had time for me at all. When I would go back to my mom’s I would complain, and then she would contradict herself by saying that he was a good guy, he was just hard to love and understand. As I got older, the treatment only got worse, my mother and I were fighting a lot more and we weren’t that close. I got my chance to escape when my father called and said that this super elite (???) school allowed me in, and if I wanted a good education then I should move in with him and my grandparents. I moved in with him and attended his wedding to his longtime girlfriend turned wife. I didn’t know her that well, but my father told me that I used to get along with her well when I was little and would go visit them on the weekends. My stepmom acted entitled to everything, she was so sweet to me when people were around but as soon as everyone was gone it was like I didn’t exist. She was still kind of nice to me though, but that left me even more confused. I told this to my mom because I had nobody else to talk to. I wasn’t close to any family down here and since I had just moved there I had no friends, so my mom was the only person I could confide to. I tried talking to my dad about it, but he just brushed me off and said that the tension would go away with time. My mom started making me tell her everything that was going on, since she wasn’t with me to see how I was doing. I told her everything I could remember when I would call her every other day. I have a really bad memory, so the things I told her weren’t always 100% true, and I made sure to tell her that, but I don’t think she listened. Whatever I told her would be twisted in some sort of way and then she would get mad at my dad, who would in turn get mad at me for telling her. At this point I was favoring my mom, and I was telling her how they treated me. She thought it was child abuse and started calling the cops, but this just made things worse for me because when it was over I was going to get yelled at again. My stepmom had started to argue with me about the smallest things. Last week she called me selfish because I didn’t wash my dad’s spoon that he had left in the sink that morning. I told her that in the mornings I’m in a rush to get ready, and that I can’t do too many things. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I just might not have the time. Of course, my dad got in on this and got mad at me too, and then the argument escalated.
    Things are even more worse now. It’s like a roller coaster. Everyone’s good and happy (well, not me… I only pretend to be) for a longer period of time, but when everything gets bad, it hurts me a lot more. I haven’t called my mom since three months ago.
    I don’t trust people that easily anymore. I spill out the words ‘I love you’ to everyone but my family. I can hardly handle their touch, because every ‘loving’ motion they make towards me seems fake. All the smiles and hugs, even from my end, are so fake. I don’t come out of my room, in fact, I’ve purposely messed up my sleeping schedule just to avoid seeing them because at this point, I would rather have messed up grades from sleeping in class than have to face them every day. I’ve developed multiple disorders over the course of a short year just from being with them. I’m just really scared on how things are going to turn out.

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